Spider villains
In the comics, movies, cartoons, and whatever else they made, Spider-man fights a large cast of colorful, unrealistically revenge obsessed super villains. Some of them are dressed as animals, showing Spider-Man's innate hatred of nature as a super scientist. Others have the power of some natural element, and others like stiltman were invented at the last minute when the artist and or writer was on drugs.
Kream of the Kraut Villains[edit]
These are the most popular of Spidey's foes. They appear somewhere in every single Spider-man movie, book, toy, videogame, sex toy, and underwear ever made. Everyone in the universe knows about them, ecspecially if they've lived under a rock for 58,000 years.
Green Goblin[edit]
The heavily capitalized arch enemy of Spider-man, who is not gay. Despite the fact that he wears purple, carries a purse, wears a tight, skimpy outfit, throws like a girl, and used to have big girly eye lashes. Can't make up his mind if he wants to kill spider-man or make him heir to his evil empire. He has almost as many off brand Goblins gliding around as Spiderman has clones. The original was Norman Osborne who ran Norman Osborne Computers but Spider-Man endorsed the Commodore 64 and put Norman Osborne out of business so he became the first Green Goblin. Then he left secret Goblin meth labs all over New York city for any schmuck to stumble upon, including Harry Osborne, his cousin Ozzy Osborne and a homeless crook who became known as the The Hobo Goblin.
Dock Ock[edit]
An evil octopus who operates around docks. Sabotages ships, slips up sailors, frees the fish, and covers everything in ink.
Octopus Doctor[edit]
Another octopus villain who wanted to practice medicine in New York. However, all the hospitals had an anti-animal policy, so he built robotic arms and legs and unleashed his wrath upon the New Yorkers. Somewhat susceptible to six-ring plastic beer can holders, assuming one can keep his two free limbs under control.
Vulture[edit]
An old bald dude whose family dumped him in a crooked nursing home than forgot he existed. After being subjected to such cruel treatment, he made an ornithopter after reading How to Build a Self Propelled Flying Exo Skeletal Armor for Dummies by Leonardo Da Vinci at the library. Than he started crapping on young people when he wasn't robbing banks to pay for his medical expenses after losing his health care coverage.
Queenpin[edit]
The lesbian crime lord of New York. Fat, ugly, muscular, and bald from chemo, she wants to get revenge on all women prettier than her. Has massive lesbian strength that is matched only by her ugliness.
J. Jonah Jameson[edit]
An evil Hitler clone who happens to be Peter Parker's boss. Constantly tries to turn the public against Spider-man with his mighty yellow journalism, and smashes him with news papers. Has an uncooperative sidekick Robbie the editor wonder. His second wife was Jenna Jameson, while his son is an astronaut and a werewolf.
Eugene "Flash" Thompson[edit]
A stupid jerk who bullied Peter in high school. But later on, he becomes Peter's friend, and stops being such a dumb jerk. However, this dosn't matter since been officially labeled as "school bully" for all eternity.
B-list villains[edit]
Villains who are not quite as famous as the Kream of the Kraut ones, but still pretty close. They usually appear in 93% of all merchandise, and most people think they remember them.
Rey Mysterio[edit]
A WWF wrestler who is also a master of illusions. Constantly gets defeated and humiliated by Spider-man in the ring.
Sandman[edit]
A man who can turn himself into sand. Theoretically, he should be able to turn into any shape, yet he is usually limited to turning his arms into hammers. Can always come back, no matter how many times he is "killed". He also took up 80% of Spider-man 3's movie budget and was the only likable character.
Kraven the Dentist[edit]
A globe trotting world renowned dentist. Is often defeated by Peter Parker's mighty cavities.
Venom[edit]
The web head really loved metal in the 80's when he started dressing in all black designer alien symbiote he found lying around during Secret Wars. At first it was amazing not running out of web fluid slinging down the middle of the vertical highway, and it was simply spectacular being able to go to big events in a nice business suit, but than one day in the 90's Spidey suffered a horrendous wardrobe malfunction only Janet Jackson or the Incredibly Indecent Hulk could possibly imagine. The symbiote thought it was time in their relationship for it to move into Peter's internal organs which made him feel just a bit awkward Mary Jane got jealous of Spiderman's bestfriend for not having any of Peter's clothing to wash the blood stains out of and creepily staring at them from the base of the bed as they had sex. Than the symbiote started biting him and foaming at the jaw and Peter knew what he had to do. But he just couldn't do that to the old girl after all they'd been through so he abandoned her at a church where it immediately hooked up with Eddie Brock on the rebound.
Carnage[edit]
Eddie Brocks prison baby with Kletus Casady Spawned off from the massive fame Venom received appearing in every other 8th issue thru the 90's. He doesn't have much in the way character traits other than being crazy and violent, he's not a comedian with an inexplicable knack at chemistry and engineering or anything; but since he's so damn powerful and cool looking he don't really need a personality. Carnage is a family manslaughterer, with a dozen kids, clones and cousins roaming the streets without owners, so remember to have you symbiotes spayed or neutered!
Rhino[edit]
The rhino was once just another average joe six pack in an experimental cyborg suit. There used to be lots of Rhino's but they were all poached by Kraven the Hunter and are now nearly extinct.
Lizard[edit]
Dr. Connors was experimenting with genetic engineering hoping to grow a new arm after losing his to a T-Rex, whiles riding the roller coaster at Jurassic Park. However the experiment turned him into a were dinosaur and he must now flee the full moons rays beneath the sewers of Manhattan.
Shocker[edit]
Generic rob-a-bank villain #254. Uses vibrators as both weapons and sex toys. It remains a mystery as to why he's called "shocker" since he doesn't use electricity. Shocker actually has a decent win-lose record against Spider-man, but it doesn't matter since he's never getting his own movie
Electro[edit]
Generic rob-a-bank villain #139, who SHOOTS TEH LIGHTNING. Mostly used in fillers.
Scorpion[edit]
Like his drinking buddy Norman Osborn, J. Jonah Jameson created a really awesome cyborg suit, but tested it on some fool who answered a craigslist ad. Spiderman uses Jameson's involvement with human experiments to blackmail him into keeping Peter Parker employed, seeing as J.J. has the maximum hatred for Spiderman all the time anyways, and being a crime fighting vigilante is illegal as hell without government sanctioning like The Avengers.
5th rate villains[edit]
You may not exactly remember these guys, but they'll sure leave a bad taste in your mouth. I speak from personal expirience.
Spencer Smythe[edit]
A villain who uses robots to do his work for him. At first he was just an eccentric inventor who killed Spider-mens as a hobbie. Later he morphed into a generic, revenge obsessed mad scientist who had no life. Damn Romita! Then he later dies of Cancer, because Leo got lost and Ares forgot to bring bullets.
Alistar Smythe[edit]
The secret son of Spencer Smythe. At first he was just a fat nerd who lived in his dad's basement until...wait, he never did move out. When the food ran out at his dad's place, he swore revenge and took steroids to become big and muscular. But despite his new sexy body, he still was lazy and let robots do his work. When the effects of the steroids wore off, he went back to the basement.
John Smythe[edit]
The secret grandson of Spencer Smythe. He's a baby right now so he doesn't do much. Although he drools and makes big stinkies.
Charmeleon[edit]
A villain who hides behind his disguises and lets manipulation do his work. How a 3 feet tall pokemon with a flaming tail can become a master of disguise remains a mystery. Professor Oak gave him to Spider-man as his starting villain.
Hydroman[edit]
An alternative costume for Sandman only a pirate instead of a burglar. In personality he's as deep as a wet napkin. A napkin that he wetted.
Jackass[edit]
A green donkey who manipulates other villains into doing his dirty work. Then he leaves the clean work to the maids. Later on makes a clone army to fight the Separatists and save the Republic.
Black Pussy[edit]
A clone of Catwoman with bad luck powers, or who was injected with a super soldier serum maybe, it doesn't really matter. The hot girl from work he always falls back on when Mary Jane is tired of him clocking too many hours and jaws.
Silver Sable[edit]
Many had noted Spider-Man's general lack of female villains, wishing he would get beat up and tied up by more of them like Batman or Daredevil and their fulfilling love lives. Silver Sable is like Electra, but with guns and clothing, a bad ass mercenary with a headband and hair like a glam rock star.
Tarantula[edit]
An off brand Latino version of Captain Ah-merry-cah from the South America nation of Delvadia who commands the death squads for the local dictatorship. He than later travels to Ah-merry-cah so he can Keel thee Ah-merry-con Peeg-dogs. Armed with toe spikes, which make it hard for him to walk.
The Terrible Tinkerer[edit]
A cheap Chinese knock off of Toy Man who uses poisonous lead painted tinker toys, legos, and erector sets as weapons.
Land Lord and the Mad Meter Man[edit]
Land Lord and the Mad Meter Man are a group of elemental powered enemies that Peter Parker tackles with on a monthly basis by throwing money at them, their only weakness. Land lord has terrakinesis over the piece of land his tenants live in (owning both the house and mineral rights) while the Mad Meterer can turn off any electronic device and make it cold and dark at night (except in winter when it's illegal). They are not really criminals or heroes and only fight Spiderman's alter ego when his payments are late or a check bounces.
Negative Uncle Ben[edit]
When Peter Parker made a deal with Mephisto to undo his marriage, Mephisto created Negative Uncle Ben. Negative Uncle Ben was the exact opposite of Positive Uncle Ben. He was a raging drug addict, and would constantly give young boys named Peter excellent advice on topic such as dating, and getting bit by radioactive spiders.
Rat[edit]
A dude who drank rat milk and featured in one comic.
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