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Bishop's too badass to even have his entire face in the picture.

Publisher Marvel Comics
First appearance One week after Professor X uttered his now famous words: "Storm should have another African American around. She seems so lonely."
Created by God
Real name Token Black Man
Status Active, and Soothing
Affiliations X-Men, NYPD Blue, The 198
Previous affiliations Pimps Across America
Notable aliases Shaft, Dolemite
Notable relatives Gateway the Aborigine, Aliyah Bishop, the Famous Singer
Notable powers Absorb, store, and re-emit various forms of energy

“Make no mistake about it, he is a black man.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bishop

“He's a bad muthafucker and I hope he burns in hell.”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on Rank of Bad Motherfuckers


For quite some time in the X-men's lives, white people were all around. There were also a coupla Chows here and there, but for the most part racial diversity had not been reached. While Storm was black and totally hot in the movies, there was just not enough unity. Thus, Bishop was created.

Named for either a Catholic Holy Man, or a piece in a game of skill, Bishop sought to bring a new face to the X-Men: a dark one. Literally.

A rare view of Bishop in action.

He was originally from the future. (Can that happen? Even if someone is born today, are the versions of themselves who actually make a difference the originals? And do they still poke shit in the woods?)

In this future, all mutants are branded with a big "M", right on their face. I think it makes him look badass, and should stand for "Mean". But I never got to write their stories, and they wouldn't return my phone calls, emails or letters, so nobody cared what I thought it should be called.

Anyway, he was from the future (is from the future). All up in it, too. He can absorb energy, just like half the other mutants, but he's black and has a face brand, so he kicks ass. During a bout in a concentration camp in the future, everybody escapes. It was called the Rebellion. True.

After all this, and being reunited with his family (the singer, not the Aborigine), he joined up with some other muties to travel through time and kick ass across the ages. It was while doing this that he stumbled across the X-Men and lent them his blackness.

He then went on to fight with the X-Men (alongside, not against), and after a while, hooked up with dat bitch Storm. Yeah.

Stuff about actual bishops[edit]

  • Real bishops are the dudes who talk a random stuff about this guy called Adam, and how easy it is to cook a hot dog in this place called Hell (Apparently, the temperature in there is a little over infinity degrees celcius, so the sausage should be ready pretty quickly).
  • Bishops wear these gold chains, which in the Hierachy of Gold Stuff You Wear on Your Neck or Wrist, may be classified as either Nice Bling, Sweet Bling, or Wicked Bling.
  • Bishops are generally bald, and a bishop with some remaining hair is most likely Satan in disguise. Either Satan or Michael Jackson. They also enjoy playing Wii except they get to turn on god mode hacks, which is what they're actually doing in the confessionals box.


Criminal record[edit]

"Just cuz a brotha's black don't mean he got no goddamn criminal record!"
"OK, OK, goddamnit. He got arrested once for soliciting a hooker. Once."

Unrelated news[edit]

The benefits of being a Bishop

A bishop is a religious leader renowned for his skills in aviation. A bishop is considered a flying ace upon having shot down five or more planes. Famous bishops include:

While a flying bishop can move very quickly indeed, his maneuverability is limited by chess rules requiring him to only move diagonally. When a bishop is captured in chess, it is called "Beating the Bishop". Soon after this, a Circle Jerk must be commenced.

The word "bishop" originates from the latin root words for "two shops" because in medieval Britain only high-ranking church officials were allowed the choice to purchase from both the town fish shop and the town chips shop. Commoners had to chose between the two.