Mary Jane Watson

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Mary Jane Watson
Mary Jane Fatson Watson, has the powers of a supermodel/actress/milf/fat chick.

Publisher Marvel Comics
First appearance The Mediocre Spider-Man #25 (seen dressed)
The Mediocre Spider-Man #42 (seen naked for the first time)
The Mediocre Spider-Man #545 (Made into a fatty).
Created by Stan Lee
Real name Mary Jane Watson
Status Recording new movie "Radioactive Spiders on a Plane" as "Damsel in Distress #3"
Affiliations Mephisto/Satan/Lucifer
Previous affiliations Screen Actors Guild
Notable aliases Marijuana Watson
Notable relatives None (immaculately conceived)
Notable powers

Mary Jane Watson was bitten by a radioactive supermodel/actress, it turned her into a supermodel/actress super heroine. It also turned her into a human target by supervillians of Spider-Man her boyfriend/husband/friend depending on what mood she is in. When she is married to Peter Parker, she is Mary Jane Watson-Parker. But they break up a lot, she sees other men, it makes Peter jealous and then he tries to get back with her. On a side note, it is believed that she had her last dance with Tom Petty, as it was one more time for him to kill the pain.


In Amazing Fantasy #25 the Avengers had hosted a science fair funded by Tony Stark aka Iron Man. It featured an exhibit of radioactivity display, but had bribed the EPA and safety inspectors to ignore that the device was faulty. As a result it zapped an ordinary spider and an extraordinary supermodel/actress. The spider bit Peter Parker and then it died, but it gave Peter Parker the powers of a spider. The supermodel/actress bit Mary Jane and it gave her the powers of a supermodel/actress and then it died.



Mary Jane has the ordinary strength of a supermodel/actress of her age that exercises not so regularly. She has super charisma, and can blind people with her whiter than white smile. She has monstrous acting skills and can even make wearing a potato sack look good as a supermodel. She has considerable skill in playing the role of the damsel in distress, in movies as well as in real life. When in danger she can scream really loud so that Spider-man can hear her and come in to rescue her. She has super sewing skills and can make super hero costumes. She is also an expert in first aid, having patched up Spider-Man millions of times. She was trained in martial arts by Captain America and carries modified web shooters as bracelets, and a spider-tracer in case Spider-Man cannot hear her scream. She also has lunch making superpowers. Mary Jane was also given a power, that wasn't seen in the first few days of being bitten by the radioactive supermodel/actress. Mary Jane is also a master of Fellatio and other such sexual deviant behavior. A recently discovered power of Mary Jane is the ability to save old ladies lives in return for selling her own soul to Satan. Since then she goes around giving her hole to any Hollywood dude.


Mary Jane prefers guys who can kiss upside down in the rain. She will always be the only real Mary Jane fore me

Mary Jane likes dorky science nerds, superheroes who can kiss upside down in the rain, spiders, and men who know that with great power comes greater responsibility.

She likes her men to be emo, total losers who dropped out of college and get all emotional and depressed and have the worst luck. Usually the type of guy that didn't stop a robber, who turned out to be the murder of his uncle later, who wouldn't have killed his uncle had he stopped the robber in the first place, and never got over it. The type of man who has problems with his masculinity and has to hide behind a gayish costume and crack jokes at super villains, and while he acts like a homosexual, actually isn't a homosexual, or so she thinks.


Mary Jane as Spider-Woman after a radioactive sexually transmitted disease she caught from a drunk expedition night on the town with Spider-Man
Mary Jane does not like The Black Cat.

Mary Jane does not like lizards, rhinos, vultures, Spider-Man clones, that black suit Spider-Man wore, bad fashion, and especially not goblins. She does not like bullies either, but did date Flash Thompson to make Peter Parker jealous, because she is a bit of a tease. She also does not like Peter's old girlfriends like The Black Cat, Betty Brant, Silver Sable, and Rosie O'Donnell because Peter turned Rosie into lesbianism and obesity with his constant whining, but Mary Jane still does not trust her. She also feels that contraception totally kills the mood.

Alter egos[edit]

Kind of full of herself, don't you think?

Despite going by her real name, sometimes Mary Jane substituted for other red-headed super heroines like when she was possessed by the spirit of Red Sonja, or when she temporarily got the powers of Spider-Woman due to a radioactive blood transfusion with Spider-Man. One time she was Captain Universe even. One time she armor-jacked Iron Man's old armor and called herself Iron Maiden, until a band of the same name sued her and she had to quit and recycled the armor for scrap metal. She is also a prostitute and the inventor of the double helix structure of DNA.

Dr. Watson isolating the DNA from a protein stained sample.

Love life[edit]

Mary Jane can get lonely when she is sitting in her apartment waiting for Spider-Man to come back, so sometimes she calls upon somebody to keep her company, such as Doctor Ocotpus or Flash Thomson. She has called upon Harry Osborn many times. She also is not a totally exclusive bitch and enjoys tribbing it up with other hot skanks. Even Forbrush Man and Mole Man got a piece of the action.

The other super heroes make fun of this fact with a drinking song/game they play:

"I can see Spider-Man. His problems are very plain. I can name nine men that slept with Mary Jane!"

Then they have to name off nine men that slept with Mary Jane or else they have to take a drink of beer. With every turn they go up a number or two.


Some claim that "Mary Jane" is slang for marijuana in New York City. That Peter Parker was smoking some marijuana and had hallucinations of becoming Spider-Man and having a hot girlfriend like Mary Jane. That it all is some trippy dream. One problem with that theory is that marijuana does not cause hallucinations, but LSD does, and people tend to confuse the two. While marijuana can cause schizophrenia in which the sufferer sees hallucinations, and that could be a possibility, Peter Parker is a nerd and loser who would try marijuana and not inhale like Bill Clinton did and not get the full effect. Rather Peter Parker is a science nerd and his drug is science, so we can throw that whole drug use theory out the window. The real reason why Mary Jane is attracted to Peter Parker is that her father was abusive and violent towards her, and as Spider-Man Peter Parker is abusive and violent towards criminals, so Mary Jane sees a little bit of her father in Spider-Man. Besides, women dig that suit, and shooting webs is symbolic of an orgasm, so naturally women are attracted to Spider-Man.

Due to the recent retcons in Spider-Man, that cheap tart Mary Jane ends up marrying Mephisto/Satan instead of Peter Parker, as seen in Mediocre Spider-Man Annual #21.

Brand New Day[edit]

After Peter Parker makes a deal with a devil named Mephisto to save his 198 year old Aunt May and return her to full health, Mephisto changes reality so that Aunt May does not die and Peter Parker never married Mary Jane Watson as the price for saving Aunt May. Mary Jane makes her own request to Mephisto, but whispers it and we never figure out what part of the deal she got. Rumor has it she became the super hero Jackpot in the new Spider-Man book, the other rumor is that she brought Harry Osborn back to life. But Captain Obvious goes with the Mary Jane is Jackpot theory, and Harry Osborn is really Mephisto playing a trick on Peter Parker, because when someone makes a deal with the devil, that is what obviously happens.

Shallow Hell[edit]

Mary Jane Watson showing off her new curves to new husband Mephisto.

Following Mephisto's altercations to reality and marriage to MJ, Mephisto was browsing through alternate time-lines and found the one belonging to that of the fat Mary Jane Watson (called Mary Jane Fatson in this reality). It turns out that unlike in Universe 616, this Mary Jane was bitten by a radioactive Monster Mac during a lunch break instead of by a supermodel. As he studied her and her time-line filled with fat versions of the females from the regular Earth-616 time-line, he realized he preferred the fat MJ's body to the thin one he married; he had developed a fat fetish! But to bring the fat MJ to his reality would cause a radical imbalanced paradox to reality as he knew it, which would inevitably led to the destruction of the multiverse. So, he simply used his powers to fatten up Mary Jane to his liking. He then locked her in a well stocked refrigerator forcing her to eat her way out, to insure she stayed overweight and to make her continually grow even fatter than he had originally made her. At first apprehensive to becoming overweight, MJ soon opened up to the idea and "grew" to love her new, jiggly fat; never had she felt such freedom before, which is why she had finally decided to give in and let herself go. She continued to gain weight willingly, even without the mental mindset placed in her by her demonic new husband.

A Fresh Start[edit]

Mary Jane reunited with Peter Parker

Marvel Comics received much criticism from fans about all of the changes being made to their comics, so they decided to revert back to a more familiar state. This resulted in Mary Jane breaking up with Mephisto and returning to Earth in her new fattened state, looking to get back together with Peter. At first, Peter was aprehensive, seeing as he had never dated a fat girl, but after his current girlfriend Mockingbird was revealed to be a feminist he decided to just buckle down and get back together with MJ.

After stopping a crime caused by Electro using her actress and newly aqquired belly dancing skills, Mary Jane Watson was scouted for a movie made by Mysterio. She accepted and found out it was a new body-positive/fat fetish movie made by chubby chashers.Every day after filming, she would eagerly be fed by the crew. Once done filming, she had gained 250 pounds, almost causing her plane to be unable to take off. Almost.

Spiderman: Homecoming Dance[edit]

In Spiderman's most recent outing in the big apple on the big screen, Peter finally befriends some people who aren't white living in Queens whom he doesn't work for, it just took him 5 movies to do so; dispelling longstanding rumors that Spiderman is only into white girls. However Michelle "MJ" Jones is a completely different character than Mary Jane Watson, just with the same initials and position in Peter's life, he's stealing Superman's whole deal with Lana, Lois and Lex. This of course means if he ever does run into another whiter MJ, it will come off as kinda creepy that he fell for someone with the same nick name as his ex-girlfriend; and kind of sad that Disney had to test the waters of Americas white supremacy in fear of losing the money of racist fanboys and pulled a switcheroo. Here's to the upcoming sequel Spiderman: Rebound!

Spider-Man: X-Box 360[edit]

In Insomniac Studio’s Spider-Man game, Mary Jane is featured in a main role. In this universe, she was bitten by a radioactive Lois Lane in addition to the radioactive Big Mac. MJ is a reporter for the Daily Bugle, and has been fat for eight years. She is featured as a playable character in stealth sections, made extremely frustrating because of her size. When the game starts, she and Peter had broke up due to Peter lighting her dumplings on fire.

Renew Your Vows[edit]

Mary Jane settled with her new housewife role

During the Marvel Comics event “Secret Whores” a universe was shown where Peter didn’t make the deal with Mephisto, thus never ending his marriage to Mary Jane. This resulted in MJ never becoming fat, remaining a super model, and staying married to Peter. Her and Peter had a very happy marriage, eventually settling down with kids. But, Reed Richards reset the universe and made everything normal again, including MJ’s weight.

See Also[edit]