Caviar
“Caviar is a substance which is generally seen to be something for the upper classes, for one of a finer taste, but on a more personal level, I'd say that it tastes of arse.”
Caviar is a term used for a canned fish eggs. The term means essentially the same thing as "how can you eat that disgusting stuff?" For information on conventional crap, please see crap.
Most people think of fish eggs when they think of caviar but it's obvious that it is in fact rabbit pellets. Yes, you see freshly collected rabbit crap is caviar. Then when they dry it up it becomes raisins. The best kind of caviar comes from albino rabbits.
Canned fish eggs are generally made using a simplified adaptation of the process used to mass-produce other meat products. Parts of fish, such as scales, bones, and intestines, oh and the eggs too, are ground finely and mixed with salt and spices, especially arsenic, and formed into a batter, which is poured on the floor and left to rot. After a good rain, the remains are scraped up, cooked, chopped into tiny balls, and placed into tins or jars, and, with broth or brains added, processed the same as other canned goods. They also figure into the diet of many in the US.
Caviar is also the official currency of the Russian Mafia. This is subject to change, as Microsoft is planning to buy out the Russian Mafia in the near future.
“If you see a big piece of rubber on a fish, it is the son of a caviar worshiper”
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This page was originally sporked from the so-called experts. |
Caviar and Religion[edit]
One day the Russian mafia decided that control of all of Russia wasn't enough, and that control of religion was the new "hot thing" besides beating hookers up, killing people while drunk on vodka, and saying funny words like kavorka. So they decided to set up tons of Russian Mafia priests, who shot people who failed to pay their protection into the donation plates. Unfortunately, God felt the need to intervene, and turned the priests insane, telling them that it was their divine mission to create the caviar fish, where fish would be born into caviar and never need any ingrediants to transform them. Their mission was deemed a success and for their insanity the Russian capos decided to kill them all by shoving them into caviar containers and flavoring the with vodka. Unfortunately, these creatures only come out every two days from their underground burrows. At this time the people of Russia stick three cans of caviar in their shoes because the curious creatures like to bite peoples' shoes, but if theres caviar, they will be distracted.
"Once a cavian, Always a cavian." ~Polinormel Hib
