Fried chicken

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Fried chicken is a tasty delicacy made by enclosing pieces of chicken within a seasoned coating and frying them in hot fat. Fried chicken is the national bird of the Southern United States. Although any part of the chicken may be fried and eaten, generally it is the exterior parts you will find in a KFC bucket. Internal organs (such as the lungs, thorax, spleen, and appendix) are more valuable as delicacies, therefore are often reserved for use in the confectionery industry.

Purple People[edit]

Purple people love it too, but they are usually too busy trying to avoid the Purple People Eater.


Originally created as a sacrifice to the gods of ancient Kentucky. God is known to the locals simply as the "the Colonel," though in other cultures his variants may be called anything from "Pappy" to "you motherfucker."

Eating fried chicken is a common religious practice among rednecks. Rednecks, or hillbillies, have been known to eat up to twenty family sized buckets of KFC a day, usually accompanied by large helpings of Jack Daniels and country music.

Types of fried chicken[edit]

This symbol indicates that the fried chicken restaurant only serves meat from certified non-organic battery hens
  • Fried chicken - A general term used for whole, bone-in chicken pieces, usually breasts, thighs, penises, and other sexy bits. Invented by this plantation owner known as the colonel, who stole the recipe from his slaves, and never gave them credit.
  • Chicken fingers - This is one of the most common forms of fried chicken, although it isn't made from chicken at all. Chickens don't have fingers. But people do.
  • Chicken nuggets - Balls.
  • Buffalo wings - The blood-drenched wings of a buffalo/chicken hybrid (see: Chickalo)
  • Popcorn chicken - Popularly served in movie theaters, this style of chicken is cooked in a pan of boiling oil until they explode. It is usually topped with salt, butter, and/or clemen.
  • Chicken patties - Breaded chicken shit. In the 4th century, slaves were forced to eat this crap by their cruel masters. Yet, for some reason, this dish continues to remain popular among rednecks even to this day.

Sample Recipe[edit]

This "Friend Chicken" might someday grow up to be Fried Chicken
Adolf Hitler once operated a chain of restaurants specializing in fried chicken.

From Method of Cookery With Receipts &c. first published in 1525:

1 chicken, cute upp in pieces
An egg, beaten welle
Halfe a glass of milke, squeezed freshe from the teate
Flowrr, to cover the bits of chicken
A potte of fatte
Taketh the egg and beateth it well with the milke. Put the chicken
to this and after rubbe in the flowrr, adding salte & pepyr as
your heart doth desireth. Cook these all in the hot fat and serve

See also[edit]