Unquotable:Peter Cottontail

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“Here comes Peter Cottontail, to lead you down the bunny trail, of life”

~ Excerpt from Cottontail:Wisdom Incarnate.

Wisdom incarnate.

Do you know who Peter Cottontail is? You probably don't, and you could probably care less (but you should). He is supposedly the Easter Bunny, but that is a nasty rumor (rumour if you are British) and it needs to stop. You are hurting Peter's feelings. What you fail to see is the inner Peter Cottontail, not the outer shell of a furry, fuzzy wuzzy little rabbit that is often mistaken for some guy who dresses up in a rabbit suit, and places eggs in baskets for children.

Peter exudes wisdom, it oozes from his body like a slow moving syrup ready to be licked up by the teeming masses that crave his every word. Peter Has influenced, musicians, painters, actors, directors, and even some Canadians.

Ok well never mind that stuff , and lets get down to the real point, the meat of the subject: Peter Cottontail's undying wisdom.

Peter On Friends and Family[edit]

  • "You need to be more like your brother, he was much better than you after all"
  • "Helping a friend in need is like giving a great gift, you expect get a better one in return"
  • "Have as many children as possible, as soon as possible."

Celebrity Friends[edit]

  • "Yeah Bugs Bunny was a good friend of mine, had the best one-liners. Got cooked in a pie, tragic."
  • "Carrot Top: witty, charming, and bold. Ended up going insane, how unfortunate."
  • "Bobcat Goldthwait was as entertaining and talented as they come. Turns out he couldn't handle the pressure of A-list status so he just disappeared. Some say he's dead, meh who knows."

he was hopping on a little more than the trail

Peter On Physical Fitness[edit]

  • "Keep up good exercise, it really helps the cardio when you are constantly making love."

I have 47 children so yea I know ;)

Peter On Easter Bunny Rumors[edit]

"I have no idea where the accusations started. I was never confronted personally about it I just happen to be on Wikipedia[1] when I happened accross a disgusting article that told the readers how the made for tv movie about my personal life explained I was the Easter Bunny. I was outraged! Clearly they have the wrong rabbit or man or who ever the Easter Bunny is."

Peter On Himself[edit]

  • "My foot is lucky, that's why I always carry it with me."
  • "You could put me in a stew with some taters, then I would be delicious."
  • "People think it's cute when my nose twitches."

Peter On Drugs[edit]

  • "I am stiffness incarnate, the throbbing meatsword of destiny."
  • "Beware the cream falcon."
  • "My gorilla is at optimum stiffness."
  • "Hairy are the fruits of justice."
  • "Drugs are ok in small doses."
Peter (top center) seen here with some fellow philosophers.

Peter On Life[edit]

  • "Fill your life with laughter I say. When I go to the Southeastern United States for vacation I often put on fake horns and run through rural areas naked, it really messes with the locals. Fill your life with laughter!
  • "Mom used to tell me ,"Watch out for Mr. Mcgreggors traps, you could end up in one of his meat pies!" I always thought she meant "The Man"
  • "Far too many times have I witnessed the untimely deaths of friends and family, running senselessly out into oncoming traffic, because life had got the better of them. Don't let life get you down, because once it gets you down, you're in a hole, a hole you can't dig out of."