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“Olive juice.”

~ Oscar Wilde on little boys

“Olives are fuckable, if you have enough of them.”

~ Grandpa

“My hair is that color!”

~ Smurfette on shades of *sigh* you smurfing know what

“Her name sounds like sausage eggs!”

~ AGK on colors of eggs

“Oh yes, gimme a fuck now!”

~ Popeye on reversed songs

Obviously the olive is one of the most complex things in our universe. This article will introduce you into the vast world of olive quantum physics.

Origin of Olives[edit]

Much speculation has been made about where the olive was derived from. Some say it was a joke played on Adam and Eve by God. The story goes that God originally made these small black olives grow out of the ground as animal droppings. Indeed someone eventually fell for it and was stupid enough to eat this 'fruit of life'. The first man to ever chew and swallow an 'olive' was Jergon Tomcruise Ballterbeater. Jergon realized that he had placed the equivalence of deer feces in his mouth and immediately began vomiting uncontrollably for 6 days, after which he died of a freak toaster-bathtub accident while suffering from a ruptured nipple. It is said that God saw this and began thinking that humans were made too stupid but was too lazy to change humans and later forgot about it while playing Need For Speed Underground 2 on his Xbox360. So God simply changed the olive into a vegetable without changing its appearance.

Olives are the main source of food for most species of females, including the cocktail-partier and pizza lover.

Another popular idea is that olives are actually a secret weapon of the U.S. gov't. The sleek Aerodynamic design makes it ideal to shoot and the small compactability makes it easy for soldiers to carry around this ammo. The whole point of this being that soldiers could eat what they load their guns with and no extra labeling would be required to differentiate 'food' from 'ammo'.

Modern Olives[edit]

In the past, gourmet quality olives were created using the eyes of young children. Although this had the perk of making jobs easier to acquire for everyone left that still had eyes, many people frowned upon the practice because of it's moral implications.

Modern olives are created instead from the eyes of grues, which has several advantages over the previous method. First, since anyone that had ever met a grue has never lived to tell anyone about it, grues haven't been proven to exist, and hence there are no moral impications to worry about when it comes to taking their eyes. It also creates new jobs, thus lowering unemployment, when the people collecting the eyes never return continue their prior jobs.

Collecting grue eyes is one of the leading causes of death, trailing behind Steve Ballmer and Chuck Norris.

Once the eyes have been collected, they are washed, and then submerged in liquid, the type of which depends on the type of olive. Popular choices are vinegar, alcohol, gasoline, and blood. They are then stored in a cool, dark place for a minimum of six months, after which they are ready to be served.

Olives will make your dick shrink

Olive Uses[edit]

Olives are primarily eaten as a snack, either alone or with something else such as a Martini. They can also be used as substitutes for more commonly used things:

Olive can also be used to describe something, referring to the unappealing color disembodied eyeballs are known to acquire with age.


Olives are one of the 9 major food groups along with Whole Grain, Dairy, Fruit, Vegetable, Fat, Cheez Whiz and Monstrous Testicles.

The FDA recommends that you get three servings of olives a day.


(Olive skinned peoples)

See also[edit]


Brown Red Orange Gold Yellow Olive Green Cyan

Blue Indigo Purple Violet Pink Black Gray/Grey Silver White Beige