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“The raspberry is a cheaper, lower quality version of the strawberry; it is primitive and less evolved”

~ Charles Darwin on Strawberries

Polar bears - Raspberries arch enemy

The raspberry or Raspberry is a race living in or descended from Raspberryland (Russia). The two main ethnic groups are black raspberries in the south and red Raspberries in the north. Their official language is Flatulence, and the predominant religion is Raspen Catholic.

Today Raspberryland is an industrious developing nation ruled by Santa Claus it is notorious for its red raspberry light districts of prostitution and pornography from which it receives a large percentage of its revenue, although it also has a few large industries including clothing, textiles, forestry, fruit, and a growing Christmas market and tourism market.


Neolithic Raspberry

The Raspberries are an ancient race who share a common ancestor with the Strawberries around 4 days millennia ago originating from Tesco. The land is very windy as the south consists mainly of open plains and Strawberry Fields. The northern area is very forested and some early raspberries took shelter in the woodland and became separated from the southern Raspberries. These forest dwelling raspberries became the red raspberries and the plain dwelling raspberries became the black raspberries. The Raspberries where conquered by Alexander the Great which brought Greek Religion and homosexuality to the region. Even though his empire was short lived the Raspberries adopted the new religion and built several monuments to the Greek Godess Afruititee whom they worshiped until the British invaded.

Red Raspberry traitors hanged by Santa in 1688 for hiding a black raspberry on their farm
StrawberryField evil slave driver

In 1510 the British colonized the Raspberries. The General Santa Claus played a big part in conquering the area. Historical sources suggest that being predominantly red himself he much preferred the Red Strawberries. Santa was a fascist, he persecuted the black Raspberries, from around 1620 he subjected them to slavery starting the Black Raspberry Slave Trade. Capital punishment was used and any black Raspberry that stepped out of line was hanged, any red raspberry found trying to help a black escape would also have been hanged. The Black raspberries were sold to the Strawberries to work in the strawberry fields. Even after Slavery was abolished a lot of raspism and tension stayed, and survives to this day, in general many believe grapes to be superior to raspberries. Raspberries appear less than Strawberries in the media, and hold less jobs in making products such as milkshakes, candy and cakes. They are still trying to fight for there equal rights, to be treated with respect and treated equal to the strawberry.

Christmas trade[edit]

Raspberry Christmas trees - popular among the red-green colorblind
Raspberry sports brand clothing - Red and green Christmas colors

Since being colonized by the British in 1510 the Raspberries have been Christian (Raspen Catholic) and so have celebrated Christmas. Due to the large forested area of the north, selling special raspberry Christmas trees has brought a moderate amount of wealth to the north. These trees are a popular seasonal seller world wide especially among the red-green colorblind. Santa was a British general stationed in the northern forest in the early 1500s and whilst the country was under British rule he was knighted Sir Raspberry Santa, by King Henry the Ape in for services to festivals and celebrations for making and delivering presents. He used the Raspberries colors red and green as his "Christmas colors" His suit and trees are red. He also started a line of raspberry clothing with hats scarves gloves and socks selling well in the Christmas Period. Santa has also made cross dressing popular. Raspberry have also created a tartan pattern design that is a popular clothing style, especially among chavs and sluts.

Raspberries and sexuality[edit]

Male Raspberry - with large penis and testis
Raspberry tart in Raspberry brand lingerie

Raspberries have been stereotyped as being over-sexual nymphomaniacs there is probably truth to these claims but it is almost certainly greatly exaggerated, most likely because of the Santa Raspberry Tarts Scandal. There are clear differences between male and female raspberries, there sexual organs are large in comparison to their body size and are clearly displayed externally and during puberty pubic hairs appear which attract the opposite sex by absorbing and storing the raspberry smell. The textile industry includes bikinis and lingerie, which adds to the porn and prostitute market. Prostitution has always been legal, the UN have attempted to make it illegal saying its bad for the Raspberries. But Santa has refused to change the laws; Santa and his elves still personally train Raspberry tarts which bring in a huge amount of money for the country. The UN tried to intervene in the 1960s after allegations Santa had slept with an unripened Raspberry, after a high profile trial the case was dropped due to lack of evidence.

Female Raspberry - with huge vagina and pubic hairs
Sexual hand stimulation - Raspberry picking

Oral sex is very popular among Raspberries, they have been developing different methods of oral sex since very ancient times and this gave rise to the term "Blowing Raspberries" Also developed by the Raspberries is the famous "cream" product derived from oral sex, however two Chinese Strawberry monks smuggled the cream out of isle 5 in the Middle Ages, and with their advanced industriousness and greater numbers made "Strawberries and cream" much more successful than "Raspberries and cream" ever was. Strawberries disliked oral sex concentrating on the cream this is why Blowing Strawberries is seldom heard of. In addition Raspberries also practice hand stimulation, this is called picking raspberries it is not as popular as blowing raspberries. Tori Amos created a sex act called raspberry swirl, which is named after the result of having sex with a woman on her period.

Pornography and Prostitution[edit]

Dictator: Cross dressing Raspberry Santa

Four of the top ten earning porn stars in the world are Raspberries, a greater number of people want to blow raspberries more than ever. A common favorite is the raspberry tart, Santa himself enjoys Raspberries tarts, they have appeared in many scandals over the years, as has Santa. Recently Manga Pornography involving Raspberries has also become successful, there are many adult movies and magazines dedicated to raspberries. As prostitution is legal many westerners travel here and pay to have sex with Raspberries; compared to other countries it is safer in than there has never been a case recorded of a raspberry having AIDS.