Yokozuna
Do you remember seeing wrestling in the early to mid 1990's, and you saw this big fat Japanese sumo-wrestler wearing a pair of red & black diapers? If you do, then that is who this page is about, Rodney AnioaKamasakiMitshubishiHondaSusikiToyotaYammaha Smith, AKA: Yokozuna".
Wrestling Career[edit]
Yokozuna[edit]
In Japan (if you are not skeptical to Japans existence) the word "Yokozuna" means "Fatty Boomba"... and that is why when WWF owner and president of the "World Wide Wrestling Federational Entertaint" (provided you work for them in the USA only and say "fuck the rest of the world") found Rodney by chance just after his 7'4 monster of a superstar, Andre The Giant passed away. Vince put an ad in the paper about how he needed someone "big" to take the place of the main baddie for the WWF. Vince was expecting someone over 7 feet tall to apply for the job, and was rather surprised when the worlds fattest midget walked into the room. Rodney announced himself as the biggest superstar Vince had ever seen, which was true, width wise. Vince was reluctant at first to hire a 5'1, 800 pound man, but after hiring the 7'6 Mexican retard named "The Giant Gonzales", Vince was desperate for a new #1 heel, so Yokozuna was born.
Because Vince McMahon is a racist shmuck, he never even asked what Rodney's nationality was? Rodney is actually Samoan, and also related to every other Samoan superstar the WWF/E has ever employed, which is because all Samoans are related, and not in a spiritual or binding way, it's just the whole country was founded by a brother and sister who ruled Samolia, made themselves king and queen and passed a law stating no outsiders may ever breed with a Samoan. Except in The Rock case, as even Samoans are not tough enough to tell a black man he can't have his way with their chicks.
So even tho Rodney is a Samoan, the racist bastard Vince McMahon made him a Japanese character.
Squash Matches[edit]
Yokozuna made his debut in the WWF against Krusty The Clown in one of the biggest ever "Squash" matches. A "Squash" match usually means it is a match for one wrestler to dominate against someone being paid to take a dive. This is so audiences can see all the dominating wrestlers quirks, styles, actions and moves that they will soon be pissed off and complaining have been left out of the latest edition of Smackdown VS Raw video games.
Now Yokozuna's squash match, well.. it took the word "squash" to a new level. Doink was laying on the ground, over near the corner of the ring, and Yokozuna decided it was time to show off his finishing move, he then grabbed the corner ropes, climbed up half way, and jumped down landing his 800 pounds of fat-assness crash down on Doinks chest. Doink splattered into a bazillion peaces all over the first 6 rows of chairs in the audience. To which several whiteness chanted out, "the bloods fake".
The blood wasn't fake actually, but luckily for the WWE, the character of Doink could be played by anyone, so no lawsuit was ever filed. But they did however ask Yokozuna to hang onto the rope when he landed ass first onto his opponents chest, least that way a few guys with broken ribs and a few suffocation DOA's here and their wouldn't be nearly as bad as having to pay 34 peoples dry cleaning bills every week.
Bonzai[edit]Rodney instantly became the #1 heel... not because he was fat, but because he wasn't American.. which meant he was only ever popular when he wrestled outside of the USA... and the only place in those days the WWF ever went to outside the USA was to Britain & Canada just to get the Hart Foundation to stop bitching about it all the time. Rodney also became the heavy-weight champion almost over night... a title he held for too long, until Hulk Hogan offered to bribe him by promising Yoko he would shout him a meal at Chucky Cheese if he let him have the belt at Wrestlefakia. However the plan backfired on Hogan after he won the title from Yokozuna. Yoko demanded Hogan buy him desert too, but Hogan refused, so Yoko demanded a rematch and squashed Hogan so badly in the re-match that Hogan suffered such severe brain-damage that he quit the WWF and went and joined the WCW. How Can 800 pounds go Unnoticed?[edit]We're not sure how a 5'3, 800 pound man can make himself invisible, but Yokozuna managed to do this after he dropped the belt to Lex Luger. I guess if you lose to Lex Luger, people will just see you as nothing, as you just got pinned by a turd on steroids, therfor there is not much further down the ladder you can drop. Yokozuna seemed to vanish from the main-event spotlight, and started getting slammed by every other future prospect of roid-rage Vince was pushing to be the next Hulk Hogan. Yoko did later shine a little when he teamed up with Owen Hart. They won the tag-team titles together, and Owen always made sure he fed Yoko 5 times a day and took him for a roll around the block. However the tag-team would fall apart when Owen's brother Brett realized he was no longer "main-event" material and may as well reform the "Hart Foundation" before he too was forgotten about and needed to join the WCW. YokoBooboo[edit]Yokozuna tried to keep his wrestling career alive, but no matter what he did, he just faded out of the spotlight and couldn't even get a job in the company licking dishes clean. Yokozuna was then approached by video game makers Crapcom to star as E.Honda in the highly anticipated movie of the year, Street Fighter II. But the deal fell through when Yokozuna demanded a love scene with one of the other Street Fighter characters, and quite frankly, Jean-Claude Van Damme said it was just totally out of the question. It scared JCVD so much in-fact, he fled the USA and didn't make another movie there for... well, he has never made one there again. Poor Paul Bearers[edit]Yokozuna tried to re-enter the wrestling business, but his demands of two virgins to eat per match where just too demanding, he was told he could have 1 virgin and 3 sluts, but unfortunately he passed on the offer, which is a shame, because if he had have taken up the offer he may have saved us from having to put up with what sluts there are currently calling themselves "Divas" Yokozuna passed away in 2000. He was testing out the new WiiFit and it gave way underneath him, and so did the floorboards under him, which where on the 15th story of his apartment building... sadly he was found in a creator in the basement seller. But witnesses say Yokozuna was a joker to the end, even during his 15 and a half story drop to his death, he was still heard yelling, "BONZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII |
<youtube width="300" height="225">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neCSPKFmbtU</youtube>
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