Doink the Clown

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Doink, Dink, Stink and Barry

Doink the Clown was a professional wrestler in the World Wrestling Federation, now known as the WWE since the right to beat the crap out of animals was subjected to animal cruelty after a Panda fell from the ceiling and died in 1998. Doink was created by Vince McMahon after the McDonalds franchise refused to sponsor the WWF and their beloved Ronald McDonald would be publicly humiliated through the character of Doink.

The Doink wrestling character is that of a circus clown, just in-case you couldn't figure that one out for yourself, Sherlock. He wrestles in a clown costume (DUH), complete with face paint, and a bright green wig made from 100% genuine Oompa-Loompa pubic hair. He also later in his career received a partner named Dink the Clown, who was approximately four feet tall, wore the same gimmick outfit as Doink and inspired the character of Mini Me for the Austin Powers films.

Send In The Clowns[edit]

Doink first appeared in late 1992 in the crowd and at ringside, pissing on fans and wrestlers before the Doink character made his in-ring debut in 1993, originally wrestling as an evil mock of Stephen Kings Pennywise character from IT. As a villain, Doink played cruel jokes and often urinated on his opponent after a 3 count. Some of his villainous pranks included tripping The Big Boss Man with a piece of string, dumping confetti on Marty Jannetty and attacking Cona Crush with a loaded prosthetic dildo. He clashed with Crush again at WrestleFakia IXXX, a match which he won after the appearance of an identical Doink appeared from underneath the ring which led to a re-match where over 100 Doink's appeared and pissed on everyone in the stadium with happy smile's on there faces.

Doink then became a fan-favorite when he turned on Jerry Lawler in the The King's Court segment, making Burger King jokes to amuse the crowd and eventually hitting Lawler with a hot Mc ApplePie. That moment is still regarded as one of the most controversial moments in professional sports entertainment history. Now as a fan favorite and with a new dwarf sidekick Dink, they became a semi-popular tag-team that amused audiences, but no one gave a crap if they won or lost or evidently was even billed at all. At the following Survivor Island Series, Doink and Dink teamed with a few more midgets named Wink, Pink, Stink, Twink and Barry to meet Lawler's dwarf team of 'little kings' Queazy, Cheezy, Sleazy, Dopey, Sleepy, Doc & Horny. As a fan favorite, Doink was more of a comic relief character, but continued to pull less cruel pranks on the people, instead focusing on just pissing on opponents instead of the crowed, mostly villains such as Lawler and Bobby Heenan would be amongst the celebration rains.

Doink and Dink also battled with Bam Bam Bigelow and his 'main booty-call' Luna Vachon in a feud that culminated at WrestleFakia XXX. The match went down in history as the first ever midget to knock himself by headbutting a man's testicles. Dink was laid out unconscious by the maneuver after running full-bolt, head-first into Bam Bam Bigelows flap-jacks. Doink then pinned the stunned Bam Bam for the 3-count then carried his unconscious little buddy out of the ring and to the hospital. Dink later died from testicular impact poisoning and Doink's career began to fade away.

One of Doink's final appearances in his original run was at the Academy Awards when he was attacked by Stone Cold Steve Austin amidst chants of "Kill the Clown" and Stone Cold proceeded to kick Doink in the testicles and drop Doink with a Stone Cold Stunner. However Steve Austin later apologized to Doink when he realized the chant was aimed at Carrot Top.

The Extreme Doink VS Ronald McDonald[edit]

Following his departure from the WWF, Doink appeared in Extreme Championship Wrestling ECW for a short period of time, setting up an angle where Shane Dickless criticized Vince McMahon for turning a talented wrestler like Ronald McDonald into a comic relief character through Doink, and claimed that he knew how to bring out Doinks full potential. Dickless then introduced Ronald McDonald to the crowed and Doink and Ronald would square off finally at the next ECW pay-per-view. Ronald would fall victim to an all-beef-patty-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onion-on a sesame-street-bun filled whoopee-goldberg-cusion that Doink concealed in his anus.

The conflict was considered one of the best matches in professional wrestling history that no one was attendance for. Doink continued the feud with Ronald by setting Grimos on fire and hitting him with a steel chair then throwing Birdie off the Brooklyn Bridge to see if she could fly. The two had several more heated matches & are considered the pioneers in the Deep Fry Your Opponents Nuggets match, which the winner is the first to stick there opponents testicles into a tub of boiling hot cooking fat. Doink lost that match to Ronald and didn't smile again for 9 years.

Back To The WWE[edit]

Doink made random appearances over the next 10 years. He competed in the Gimmick Battle Royal at WrestleFakia XXX69. In June of 2007 on an edition of Saturday Night's Main Ratings Failure where Doink teamed up with Krusty The Clown & Bozo The Clown to defeat Ronald McDonald, Jack In The Box & Steven Hawking in a match that was billed as the first encounter between Ronald and Doink, as the WWE refuse to acknowledge other wrestling companies existed anymore. Doink then made an appearance at the 15th anniversary of RAW is a Bore participating in a 30 man Royal Battle. Doink was eliminated 14 minutes into the match by Prince Charles.

Doink makes an occasional appearance here and there for the WWE when the script writers get drunk and think it would be cool to bring him back for a night.

The Future Of Doink?[edit]

Doink was rumored to become more active again, once the WWE RAW show became a 9 hour time-slot in 2011 and can't figure out what else to scrape the bottom of the barrel with to fill up all that time with. Unfortunately WWE scrapped the idea and went with a new program called "24/7" which has gone just as unnoticed as expected. Meanwhile Barry died his wig red and is working in a local Mc Donalds restaurant where he succeeds to scare the bageezuz out of kids. He used to do kids parties but wasn't allowed to do it anymore after setting Wink on a kid who placed an all beef patty, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun on a chair Doink sat on and said, "How you like them whoopie cushion's Stink the Clown?"

Doink then joined TNA, where he was portrayed by Sting. People continued to not notice.

The Last Whoopee[edit]

Doink the Clown was found dead on the 29th of June, 2013. He had been practicing his new finishing move "the ignited whoopee cushion" when the flame he was using to ignite a fart got caught in the reverse vapor of his ass and was sucked inside his rectum. Being that this was done in mid air after Doink had jumped from the top rope, spectators laughed their ass off and cheered Doink's brilliant new joke move. It was several minutes before someone realized it was not part of the show. Soon tears filled the eyes of wrestlers and managers as the ring announcer announced Doink had blow himself to peaces. Spectators where in shock and awww, well, some where, most of the others boo'd saying it was as fake as.. well... wrestling!

A cleaning crew of 6 midgets dressed as clowns with mops where sent into the ring to sweep up what remained of Doink. The contents where then wrung out into a KFC drip free box and passed onto Doink's widow, Penny Wise-Ass. The WWE honored Doink's memory on their website by allowing fans 5% off any historical PPV Doink was a part of. Arch Enemy Ronald McDonald paid tribute by slow cooking burgers every June 29th via rectal + flame burnage, naming it Mc Doink Day, and old time school friend Kernel Sanders offered to have Doink cremated in the 12 secret herbs and spices.

Doink the clown's funeral was pretty fucking boring for someone who was a clown. Perhaps Doink thought it would be funny to have a service in a Taco Bell drive through, however, Doink did always did suck massive amounts of dick when it came to being humorous.

Career Achievements[edit]

  • His biggest rise to fame was as a rumor he was a hidden character in the 1993 video game WWF Royal Rumble which was discovered to be untrue.
  • Won the "crappiest gimmick" consecutively every year since his debut till the WCW launched The Shock Master then John Cena came along to out-do both of them.
  • Pissed on more people then he pissed off.
  • Never took a dive to Hulk Hogan or Triple-H
  • 3rd worst WWF character of all-time behind the Gobbledegooker & John Cena.
  • Retired

Signature Moves[edit]

  • The Whoopee Cushion - Doink would fill a whoopee cushion with a 3 week old all-beef-patty-special-sauce-lettuce-cheese-pickles-onions-on-a-sesame-street-bun and hide the cusion inside his own ass and set it off in the face of his opponent. Sometimes this move would backfire on Doink and he would set the contents off prematurely while receiving an atomic-drop.
  • Stump Puller - We don't even wanna explain what this move was, trust us, even Oscar Wilde wouldn't want to know.
  • Happy Hammer - Doink would pull a fireman's hammer out of his ass and start repeatedly sledging it into his opponents chest slaughtering them to death in a bloody mess. The move was later banned, but fans would like to see it's return since the arrival of John Cena.
  • Lose - tho not really a move, Doink was known as the master of this tho.