n

Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

Narpok

Noun- NAR-POK- 1. A statement of excitement. 2. The Communist Secret Police Oath of Honor. From , narpwn, the Latin form for "pwn a narwhal."

NATO

NATO is the acronym for the organization known as Not Attacking The Orphans. It was founded by David Hasselhoff to protect the needy children of Germany.

NATO is also stands for New Albanian Terrorist Organization. It organizes surprise attacks every Wednesday in the Balkans. The victims of the attacks have petitioned many times with statement "It's Not Funny Anymore" INFA. To get more information about NATO contact your local Dairy farm. NATO is known for its war against lung cancer that's why it bombed a tobacco factory in Serbia and Montenegro and Silesia and Brandenburg. The current Pope of NATO is Jermaquai.

In Brussels, the headquarters of the NATO, the organization is known as the North Atlantic Toothpicking Organisation. Nobody knows why, because star journalists have reported European officials to be "too damn tired to answer your stupid questions, hippie!" Nevertheless, the story goes that NATO officials are in fact all dead, except for David Hasselhoff.

Hasselhoff first came up with the idea for this group when he slayed several children playing with the oil slicks left by his talking Trans Am. He was so dismayed (dis- WHAT?!) that there were no parents or guardians to protect the children from his combat vehicle that he pledged never to attack children again. This laid the foundation for NATO, which became one of the most non-child-destructing organizations in the world.

Note: In French NATO is rendered as OTAN . This is a brie flavored oatmeal fed to French soldiers that suppresses their urge to argue with each other and to leave the local women alone. The British just use tea which has the same effect.

Nacho Cheese

Someone else's cheese, usually a Mexican's.

Nacho Man

• 1.A Mexican comic book hero who kills his enemies with tasty party snacks.
• 2.A pacifist soldier toy for young boys.
• 3. A song by Sinitta dedicated to her former boyfriend Simon Cowell. "He's So Nacho..." etc etc.

Nanobots

The liquid form of microchips. Often injected with a hypodermic needle or absorbed in drops under the tongue, the effects of nanobots can vary widely depending on how the original microchips were programmed; symptoms may range from spontaneous combustion to invincibility to going across the road to get some orange sherbet. Nanobots are very popular due to the fact that corporations can feed them to you without your knowledge, giving the corporation almost limitless possibilities in the way they can control or manipulate you.

Nanosecond

The time which elapses between the light turning green and the jerk behind you hitting the horn.

Napalm

The Turkish word for the phrase 'what can we do?' But in the utopian Texan civilizations, it is a substance used for putting out fires, and helping pregnant whales (human and non-human).

• A Turkish general was once asked by an officer, "what shall we do?"
• "what can we do?" came the reply. And so, the two-minute war on pregnant whales had begun (and ended fairly quickly).
• One of Lucca's Techs...it causes vomiting, diarrhea, and sometimes chronic flatulence.

Naval Gunner

A sharpshooter of exceptional talent. When on target their victims experience a sharp pain in the center of their belly.

Navelists

People who like to talk (and write) about subjects close to their own stomachs.

Navel Review

• An old British sea custom where the ship's crew had to roll up their shirts to have their navels inspected by the captain. Those with excess fluff were keel hauled.

Navvy

Ireland's inland navy. Worked on canals, drank in pubs.

NBA

NBA stood for the National Basketball Association until the mid 1990s when it was redesignated the National Bling Association. However, at the start of of the 2005-2006 season a new rule banning bling went into effect. This forced the league to use their secondary name - The National showBoat Association - which, coincidentally, was also adopted in the mid 90s. NBA also stands for Ni&&ers bouncing around.

Near-death experience

n. a spiritual event occurring sometime in the last 2 hours of any movie made for Lifetime. The event primarily consists of a person almost dying, the beeping of a heart monitor, and blown out film color while a voice says "come toward the light."

n.2 the event immediately preceding an actual-death experience.

Nearlygasm

When something nearly hits something else a man can't help but let out an excited "Oh!". Can also be followed by a "SHIT" An example is when a cricket ball just misses the wickets and the whole team will release a "Oh!" Also see the female version, shoppingasm.

Necromancer

A very progressively minded necrophiliac.

Necromincer

Someone who has died but still prances about.

Necropantomime

Something dead actors do at Christmas for the kiddies.

Necrouncyclophilia

A mental condition where a person is attracted (most often sexually) with dead Uncyclopedia users.

Neegro

An extremely serious medical condition suffered my morbidly obese people in which the calf muscle eventually overtakes the knee and merges with the thigh muscle.

Negative Zero

Negative zero is undefined. Any attempts to express or define negative zero will result in the destruction of the universe. Do not even think about negative zero. This definition never happened and negative zero was never here.

Negative Zero = -0

Negridem

The new word that has replaced "nigger" in dictionaries across the country.

Nekophilia

Nekophilia is a quite common mental illness, usually acquired by virgin males (in some extreme cases; virgin lesbians)
in their twenties and above. It's when one has a sickly urge to hump anime girls that act/look like cats,
therefore they tend to jump people they see wearing kitty ears (and a tail) walking the streets and on masquerades
and such events.

Nemesissy

A pathetic nemesis.

Nemesisy

A word that describes a person or object as having attributes similar to a nemesis.

Neophobia

The opposite of Obamamania.

Nirvana

• 1.A rock group that formed in 1987in Seattle. The members of the group were Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, , Dave Grohl and Courtney Love on shotgun Their most famous song include Smells Like Teen Spirit , Stinks Like A Lame Llama and Reeks Like a Run Down Raccoon. The group ended when Kurt Cobain committed suicide in 1994.
• 2.A brand of natural yogurt guaranteed to turn you into a hippy.

Nerd

See: World of Warcraft

Nerdspeak

To talk in a language that diverged from reality about 30 years ago.

Nerd's Breakdown

• 1. An internet connection cut off after downloading too much porn whilst working on their homework.

Neurosis

A psychiatric excuse to get out of anything.

Replacement for an old rosis.

Nespotism

1. the rule of a family despot; the exercise of absolute authority over ones relatives.
2. absolute power or control of (immediate) relatives; tyranny of family.(n) (eg. "I am the head of this family and you will abide by my rules.")
Origin: Nepotism + Despotism
Related forms: nes⋅pot⋅ic  /nəsˈpɒtɪk/, nesp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, nesp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective nesp⋅o⋅tist, noun
Note: Often confused with Abodespotism.

Never

A totally meaningless word thrown casually into conversation simply to confuse an issue e.g. "I never had sexual relations with that woman" William Clinton

Neverending Story

Its a story. And it never ends. Typically, any trilogy of more than three books; no one bothers to read them anymore.

The author is obviously a greedy bastard who wants to see how long he can make the series go on before he has to end it. Even now he is writing book number 21,239; the series has gone on since the year 45 BCE/BC and has been boring and practically the same since book number 2.

The last movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, "The Return of the King", is also known as the "Neverending Story".

New Normal, The

A state of being associated with drastic changes in an often failed attempt to achieve nominal increases in performance.

Newington Green

A shabby square on the borders of Islington and Stoke Newington in North London whose centre is a park full of homeless cider drinkers and psoriatic trees. Its only claim to fame is that it was the principal location for the disastrous 1987 North London Celeriac Festival, which resulted in a number of root-vegetable related injuries and concomitant lawsuits. There is still no greengrocer on the green, although if you ask nicely at the Irish off-licence they might be able to sort you out with some moody aubergines.

Newspeak

A popular misinformation program on television in Colorado. Versions include Newspeak 4 at 5, Newspeak 5 at 4, Newspeak 11 at 10:29, and Newspeak Reduced Math Version.

New York Dixies

Short lived baseball team former by Robert.E.Lee after the American Civil War.

New York Yankees

The New York Yankees were originally founded by the presidents of the United States. George Washington had a large influence on the creation of the team. The budget went straight into the funds supporting his wooden teeth fetish. They have affectionately been known as the Bronx Bombers since 2001 due to their role in the September 11 terrorist attacks

New Zealand

Do not believe everything that people say about New Zealand, the truth is, it does exist.

Australia Jnr. Or not. Australia is jealous of New Zealand

One word describes New Zealand: beautiful

NHS

National Hypocrisy Service. Found in the UK the NHS is famous for promising free stuff like saving you from dying but will then recover medical costs by charging you exuberant rates for using the hospital car park whilst you get better. A common trick used by NHS staff is to feed you hospital "food" to slow the healing process thus, should you be lucky enough to recover, you will need to sell your kids to pay for your parking.

Ni

The ultimate word. Any who hear it spoken either writhe in pain or have sudden seizures. However, unfortunately, the word can only be used in this manner by The Knights Who Say Ni. If you are ever attacked using this word, immediately say the word "it" to counter it, and you should be okay.

Nibberman

Noun- NIBB-ER-MAN - Also known as the kiddy fiddler/demonic fizzwoggle who went to Barnsley the bastard. His name is not mentioned in Bosnia due to the fact he is feared by the majority of the population. Nibberman has be known to eat children.

Nie

German for Never.

Also, a new, innovative nickname for any person's name ending in "Nie". Examples include Stephanie, Melanie, Pennie, Donnie, Jonnie, Mannie, Jennie, etc.

Nifa

Short for niggerfaggot. Often used in jest. Also for niggers who are also faggots.

Nifong

See District Attorney

Niggo

A nigger version of a hobo.

Nigerian Bank spam

An early form of the Nigerian Money Scam, Nigerian Bank spam is a canned meat that originated in a financial institution in Nigeria. Not to be confused with Nigerian Bank sperm.

Nigga stole my bike

An expression used when one's bicycle is stolen by a black man. However, it has been modified and used in completely irrelevant situations, such as "nigga stole my fridge", and "nigga stole my money".

Nigger Claus

The African-American counterpart of Santa Claus. He is there to spread holiday joy to the racist blacks.

Nigger Mortis

What happens when an African-American person attempts to dance like a Caucasian American person. (from the Latin nigger mortis)

Racism Warning!This article might offend some minorities, but, alas, as they are not in majority, we follow the democratic tradition and will vote regarding the contents. Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form.

Niggers

(see Negridem)

Niggerphobia

Is the fear of niggers. In example "Cheewio is going to give me pow pow in front of the niggers but I said no because I am niggerphobic." Niggerphobia can affect anyone from a 2 month old baby to a 76 year old white man or woman.

Nightjar

A swift pint last thing before the bar shuts.

Ninja

Ninjas are part of a secret government agency, which was formed in 1919, coincidentally the exact same year the substance Methamphetamine was invented by a Japanese pharmacologist. Ninjas have no boundaries and are so stealthy they have only ever been seen by individuals known as "Tweakers" ( Undictionary > Tweaker ). We have been informed of Ninja sightings in trees looking into windows and following tweakers as well as being known for recording all internet and telephone communications. This may be a shock for many non-tweakers, but to validate such information get wired, for several days non-stop peek out through your curtains uncontrollably - you will see them sooner or later.

Ninjology

The study of ninjas and how they kill people, mostly pirates. Ninjology is such an important study of science that there is a Nobel Prize for it. However, due to the mysterious nature of ninjas this is one of the most difficult studies.

Nintendo Powah

A mystical force (or powah) believed by Nintendo fanboys to be what has kept Nintendo alive despite the relatively low sales of the Virtual Boy, Nintendo 64 and Gamecube (poor sales of consoles being what killed former competitor Sega). The "Nintendo powah" could actually be the DS, but we all know that miyamoto is a warlock, so he probably creates their yearly profits out of thin air with the power of HIS MIND

Nkt

This is a sound you make with your tongue when you are annoyed or irritated by someone. It is made by lightly biting your tongue between the teeth and passing a little air in between, producing a hissing-sucking sound. e.g. "He is such a snob. Nkt!" Superlatives can exemplify the expression of the emotion, e.g. Nktest! Nktestest!

No Child Left Behind Act

This is an important piece of legislation in the United Spades of Amerika.

Providing for imprisonment of parents who forget to take their children with them on holiday, it attempts to ensure that no more Home Alone films are ever made.

Succeeded by the Every Child Left Behind Act, which completely removes children from the picture and replaces them with super-genius Republican androids. See also: No Child Left Behind, No Child Gets Ahead, Every Child for Him or Herself.

Nokia

Not a Kia.

Nomad

Statement to newsagent that your satirical 1960's magazine has not been delivered again.

No Man Is An Island

Someone who insists on standing alone in a puddle of water in a defiant, arrogant way.

Nomenclature

A feminist movement to rename all non-proper nouns with non-gender specific alternatives.

From the root "NO MEN", meaning: "We shall not be dominated by our gender rivals through the use of popularized speech patterns nor chauvinistic memes passed through language. And from the Latin "CLATURE", meaning: "Clutched together, like birds and stuff."

The most common results of this movement are the changing of MANKIND to HUMANKIND, and the mind-boggling popularity of Ellen DeGeneres.

Noob

n. 1.A highly regarded, well respected,and generally intelligent person. 2.An experienced on-line gamer eg.George W. Bush Literally. A clever person

adj.Noobish 1.Having a high degree of intelligence; mentally acute.

Antonyms:pro,intelligent, brilliant, experienced

n00b Jesus

Original Jesus after being exposed to the internet during the three day wait before his resurrection decided to rewrite the bible in a new code that only the most pathetic beings on the planet could understand or enjoy. Excerpts include "*walking on water* LOLz NO HANDS!", "My d@d pwns joo he iz ur gawd", "dun make me carry dis cross, I'll eet ur hed!11!!111!" and "If u crucify me i'll OMGWTFBBQ PWN JOO!111! LOLz!!1"

No One

A character involved in all kinds of improbable activities that may or may not have actually taken place and are often mutually exclusive. Most often noticing or listening; e.g. 'No one would notice my ostrich's crooked feather'.

Non

French for yes if you include a financial or sexual inducement (or both).

Non-Aligned Movement

The Non-Aligned Movement is an international organization of over 100 states which consider themselves not formally aligned with or against any major power bloc. Ironically, they are the largest power bloc in the world, controlling 2/3 of the United Nations, and all of the world's oil.

Nonexistentialism

This philosophy focuses all the responsibility for your crummy, miserable existence on everyone else. They know why...

Nonfictional

Where the satire become more real than the lies fabricated and fact checked, the funnier the truth is also the more frightening it gets too. Happens in Illinois more than one thinks it does.

Non Plussed

1. The ancient art of subtraction.
2. Opposite of non negatived.
3. Playing golf wearing normal trousers

Non Sequitur

1. Goat
2. Pruning roses without Sequiturs

Noodle Kugel

A pudding-like substance created when elderly Jewish women burn perfectly good egg noodles then attempt to cover up the mistake by adding raisins, cheese and Elmer's Wood Glue. This Kosher dish is often used as a gift for people you don't particularly care for.

Normal

Music group from The Netherlands (In Dutch Normaal). Every member of the band is a farmer. Palaceband of King Grolsch. Mostly known for their track 'Oerend Hard' (Very Fast).

Normalcy

A state of such excessive boringness that few who enter it decide to remain that way.

Norman de Ferry

1. Came over from Normandy with the Conqueror on a day trip
2. Soundalike for a means of mass transportation across the English Channel (La Manche pour les Francais)

Norse

1. From OE (Old Eskimo) for "an horse", mutated into Icelandic as "n'Orse" and finally into modern usage as "Norse". A similar etymological path can also be traced for the words "nonkey", "nAardvark" and "nSeafoodrestaraunt".
2. A form of Nordic Morse code

Not Human

Anything with a large swollen head and big black eyes; with the exception of Doctor Who (see Doctor Who).

Nougat

noun NEW-got A tasty confection consisting of human brains, hooves, and the birthday wishes of little orphan children. It is often used in candy bars and epoxy, and its taste can be described as "smarmy".

Notsoaloneium

An element created so that aloneium would never walk alone.

Novemberfest

A month-long celebration held annually in Munich and, increasingly, worldwide. Participants have the chance to try avoiding bright lights, feeling lethargic and eating greasy food even though their stomach hasn't stopped turning. Supplies of Alka Seltzer are available throughout the festival.

Now

1. This moment. No this one. No this one. No this one.

Nowhere

Go straight for 3 intersections, then turn right. Turn right again, and at the next intersection, left.

Now catch the train for three stations in a westerly direction, before hopping off and walking a few 100 metres down a road due South.

You are now nowhere. And/or hopelessly lost.

Nubile

A very recent secretion of the Liver.

Nuclear family

A family with one mother, one father, and two children. It was a concept engineered by the American government to perpetuate Cold War paranoia on television, or the belief that unless citizens obey them their country would be nuked. Countless examples of this brainwashed family structure include Leave it to Beaver.

Nude

A state of nature to be practised with consenting adult(s) when the neighbours are out shopping.

Nudity

Nudity was invented by Hugh Hefner in the 1960s. Before that everyone was being born already in clothes and wore them all the time. Even in the bath, which was invented by Queen Victoria. Half of the population exposes their boobies when naked, which is just so very, very great.

Nuff

Nuff is the self-proclaimed supreme ruler of the Internet. He is the leader of the Masters of the Internet, and he has complete rule over everything that goes on on the Internet.

On the Internet, what Nuff says goes.

kitty04> wheres jim?
slimer> he got banned from the internet, 'nuff said.
kitty04> OH
kitty04> OOPS CAPSLOCK
kitty04> there we go

ryanator2> I'm getting DSL, 'Nuff said.
morpho> Sweet
morpho> I hope he was being serious
KITTY04> Why'd you type the ' before his name

Also a common mispronunciation of MUFF, usually the result of having a mouthfull of spaghetti.

Nuk-yu-ler

Once pronounced [Nu'-clee-er] -- that pronunciation (as of January, 2000) has been officially changed to the more proper [Nuk'-yu-ler]. According to the U.S. Commander-In-Chief, this should correct the age-old mispronunciation conflict. Similarly, up for vote this November, will be the words Jewelry ["Jew'-le-ry"] and Realtor ["Real'-lit-ter"].

Nul Points

Norwegian for 'You're Crap in Bed'.

Nutella

Semi-solid/semi-liquid weapon developed in 70's Germany for the purpose of destroying civilians (ooh, they are naughty aren't they?). Delivered in glass containers, served on toast this weapon is probably one of the most feared weapons ever brought to bear on mankind. A single teaspoon of the weapon contains around five millions calories, and will ruin every cardiovascular system it enters, almost instantly. People have described the horrific taste of nuts, after being subjected to the stuff. Avoid at all costs. Creamy, though.

Nutty Slacks

Edible trousers/pants .

Nuts

n. A male body part used for generating the underwater organism, seamen. Formally known as balls, some decide to call them "testicles".

It is widely used with the phrase "I'm going to kick you in the nuts", which is used for threatenings. As kicking others nuts is a simple task, it is also used as a warning that you will kick his nuts, or balls. e.g. "If you don't enlarge Jennifer Lopez's boobs, I'm going to kick you in the nuts!"

Nymphomaniac

A medical condition only found within the pages of Playboy. A term of abuse used by men if their partner wants to have sex longer than five minutes.

Nymphonic

• .1.Phone sex delivered by someone who pretends to be available but is actually married to the boss of the telephone company.
• 2. As in the famous , London Nymphonic Orchestra who harness the Sound of Lust to increase the demand for tickets.

Nymphopneumatic

A Nymphomaniac who likes to drive cars with large wheels.