d

Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

D

• The 479th letter in the orange catholic alphabet. D is also a gaping hole in the fabric of the universe.

Dada

• An artistic movement populated exclusively by fathers.

Dago

• Dago is a crap word for Hispanic. Hispanians like mopeds, and cars with funny doors. Hispanians like the color indigo, and their lucky tool is the screwdriver. Hispania's main export is oranges, and that's a good thing.

Dairy Room

• Place where inmates of a Reality TV go get milked.

Dalek

• Saltshakers gone bad. Often are armed with large electric rays and little sucking things shaped like plungers which make good dildos.

D.A.M.M.

• (Acronym) Drunks Against Mad Mothers

Damned Quail

• The Damned Quail (sonofabitchicus hurryupandgetum) is a subspecies of the Sonofabitchicus family, which includes such well known politicians as Dan Quayle and Captain Beefheart. The bird is especially sought after by collectors, not only for its notoriously tender meat, but also for its right wing moral stance.

Dams-Male in Distress

• A man that has overtly feminine traits. Dams-Males squeal like little girls when frightened, and they are often frightened. They are usually smart and give the impression of someone who is likely to get themselves in danger. Kidnappers typically target their inventions, rather than the Dams-Males themselves, because who the hell would want to kidnap a sissy man. In response to these kidnappings, the Dams-Males tend to rely primarily on groups like Mystery Inc. and the Justice League.

Dangerous

• Marsupial from central Australia, dangeroos can reach 2 meters in height and leap out into the road at night.

Dangerous Clive

• A backwater Ninja raised by pygmies in Guam to read braille and fight Mecha-Cindy Luiper until judgement day after the FA cup final. Possessive sexual desires for cactus.

Danish

• Language derived from the sounds made while chewing tobacco and peanuts - The language exists only as a simple form of communication used by by unemployed cavemen in Siberia (formerly a part of MicrosoftChryslerSony). The most significant sound in the language is the sound from the archaeic letterform "ø" which mostly sounds like opening a very squeaky door.
• A country bordering Croissant to the South and Scones to the South-West!

Dante

• Famous medieval convenience store employee. Usually hanging out in back with Beatrice. Particularly famous for writing the Divine Comedy, a not so funny medieval guide which allows you to see what part of Hell you're gonna go to for what sins you've done. For that reason, the book had been temporarily banned by George Washington. His Uncle was framed for writing a travel guide - 7 Spheres of Hell.

D.A.R.E.

• Drugs Are Really Excellent.
• A for-profit organization for raising awareness on how safe and enjoyable drugs are.
• Also an acronym for Damn Asses R. Enormous. Though most persons would not enjoy saying the entire phrase out, persons would simply shorten the phrase. If someone comes and says "I dare you ..." don't take it personally. Just cut back on those donuts.

Dark Ages

• The Roman Empire fell in 476 A.D. because they had failed to pay their electricity bill. The years that followed are called the Dark Ages because it took 600 years to pay off the debt.

Dark Matter

• Pesky atomic particles that insist on wearing black in the universe. Very hard to see with a telescope unless you filter it using the Sub-Goth Prat Detector.

Dark Side

• The evil side of the force where you'll find people and things like Darth Vader, squirrels, John Kerry, nazi technology, marshmallows, Matt Smallbones, Bill O'Reilly, Garfield, Alex Toothman and various sweet treats such as cookies.

“Wikipedia is the dark side of Uncyclopedia....”

~ Uncyclopedia on Wikipedia

“Come to the dark side, we have donuts....”

~ Darth Vader on The Dark Side

Darwinism

• An uncouth and frankly outdated mode of belief in which the followers believe we are all descended from the same pair of amazingly horny wombats.

Das Boot

• A German movie about boots.
• English working title: The Boot.
• Swedish translated title: Glass Båt.
• What Das German does when he wants to start Das Computer.
• When you get the boot from a German person.

Date Rape

• Song by the band Sublime about the lead singer's experience on a goat farm.
• What happens when a fat loser slips a roofie into a hot chick's drink.

Day The Earth Stood Still, The

• Biographical story of visonary actor Keanu Reeves. Starring Klaatu as Keanu. Thought to be an allegory for Great Pirate-Ninja conflict

Deadly Black Spork of Deadliness

• The most dangerous weapon known to man can be freely aquired at most any fast food resturant.

Debate

• Used to catch defish.
• In parliament this means always agreeing with the Party line.
• A discussion about what Deb ate the last time you went to a party.

D-Bay

• Failed internet auction site in which users would throw increasing amounts of their own faeces at each other in order to secure ownership of rocks, and collectible frogs. Started by dinosaurs in 9002BC, the site was soon closed down as ancient computer Greeks pointed out that computers hadn't been invented yet and that the idea probably wouldn't catch on.

D-Day

• An Allied military plan that actually worked. Sometimes known as "Operation Oh-my-god-this-better-fucking-work-or-we're-screwed".

Dead babies

• The dead baby is a sub-species of the regular baby, a creature produced by a male and a female human "making babies". The dead baby is usually found sliced up to make walls, or in garden sheds outnumbering tools. The natural habitat of the dead baby is normally under slabs of cement. On rare occasion the dead baby can be found stapled to the backs of koalas to prevent them from falling.

Deaf Metal

• Any metal which has lost the ability to hear. Any metal?

Deagle

• Popular make of handgun, no longer in production, as it was murdered by the Smeagle in order to take possession of the One Clip.

Death

1. The thing you practice when you sleep.
2. A dire consequence of living.
3. A misdiagnosed clinical condition due to loose wires.
4. A mostly unplanned event that occurs seven times in a cat's life.
5. A pulsating purple aura that follows Chuck Norris.

Death machine

• Any machine used for tastiness or for pure evil. An oven is a type of death machine used to burn things and it often has a window so that we can stare at the burning thing for kicks.
• Dick Cheney

Death Metal

• Death Metal is one of the greatest existent genres of music (I think). I've never actually listened to it. The name explains itself. Anyone who hears this will automatically die in exactly 7 days, leaving the listener in a zombie-like state. It usually triggers a downwards spiral of mind and body, resulting in Cannibalism, or a strange desire to watch CNN. The only known cure for this disease is to recieve Felatio under the full moon of a sweaty gym teacher that is a virgin and has never played Final Fantasy IX

Decade

Ant.

Deep Space 9

• The code name for Oprah's vagina.
• One more than Deep Space 8, but not as many as Deep Space 10.

Defenestration

• The act of throwing something or someone out of a window.
• The act of removing windows, commonly carried out by Linux zealots and their trained attack penguins.
• A common method of assassination by large family groups with Mediterranean origins.

Def Leppard

• Spotted member of the big cat family in Africa. Exceedingly rare as it is unable to hear and thus often caught and killed by hunters/poachers/any animal which can creep up on it because it is severely hearing impaired in the extreme; a.k.a. Def.

Delegate

• Pass the buck.
• The individual chosen by his boss to present the bosses failed ideas and strategies to the company's AGM.
• Time honoured Gate removal practice

Delevator

• A device similar to an Elevator, except that it transports people and goods with the flow of gravity instead of against it.

Déjà vu

• See Déjà vu

Déjà vu

• See Déjà vu

Delta

• The fourth letter of the Greek alphabet. It useδ to be pronounceδ like a D, but when the Greeks saw one δay that America was far superior to anything they coulδ ever δream of, they δeciδeδ they wanteδ to be like America, anδ changeδ their sounδ to the more American-sounδing "th" as in "the". Thus, now Delta is Thelta.

Delta of Venus

• A happy tourist destination for inter planetary tourists in search of the Oral Butterfly.

Demonic

• Something that is in relation to the big man downstairs who will anally rape you... for fun.

Demoncracy

• A society run by and for the benefit of demons. Only demons have the vote so politicians have to appeal to the electorates baser instincts...hang on, they already do!

Demonstrate

• A rally organised by angry demons.

Dementia

• A hilarious disease that makes old people drool. It is so funny, that it has prompted any number of assholes to write music which only they and their closest friends find amusing. Much of this music is played on the Doctor Demento show, which is only listened to by retards and perverts.
• A Greek Goddess who married an old man for his money.

Democracy

• System of government in which a Prime Minister pretends to listen to the people and then does exactly what he had intended to do anyway before pretending to 'consult the people' using the justification that he 'knows what is best for you'.
• What every non-democratic country/peoples are supposed to want......or so they are told by the President and the Prime Minister.
• System of government in which the 'have nots' get everything heaped upon them by politicians seeking re-election, the 'have lots' get by whatever party is in power and the 'in-betweens' (Def. law-abiding, tax-paying, middle-class mortgage payers) struggle to make ends meet whilst paying ever increasing taxes to pay for the 'have nots' whilst seeing normal, civilized society crumble around them.
• System of government where one Party gets just 35% of the vote, or just 22% of the total electorate, and claims to have a mandate to rule over the whole country.
• Choice between the coincidental, both of them lying.

Denial

• A river in Egypt, runs right through Desand, by Depiramids, and out into Desea.
• Opposite of in Detigris .
• Neither of the above.

Denigration

• The act of removing all the Negroesque qualities of a person. Antonyms: Nigration.

Denigration may ultimately be fatal. Note the recent example of Michael Jackson who began his stage career as black lead singer of the Jackson 5 but who ultimately died "White" in June 2009 following successful Denigration.

Densa

• Densa (or DENSA) is the largest, oldest, and most famous low-IQ society in the world. The not-for-profit organization restricts its membership to people with low IQs and people who are un-testicle.

Members must score in the 98th percentile or lower of a standardized, supervised intelligence test.

Dentochronology

• Estimation of a person's age by cutting through a tooth, counting the rings, then demanding to see their credit card.

Deported

• When a coastal town becomes landlocked, it must be deported. This often takes the form of a deportation ceremony, during which a presiding official removes the town's port status.

Depression

• State of mind where you feel that everyone/thing is against you mainly because you go around depressing everybody wailing "Everyone/thing is against me!". Opposite: See pression
• An emergency press conference following a catastrophic event.

Desert

A desert is a course that typically comes at the end of a diner, usually consisting of a pool of chocolate and ice cream. Some cultures do not have a desert. Often, the desert is seen as a separate course, and may be encountered some time after the diner (usually on Mars and Jupiter.) Some religions specialise in desert.

Dessicate

• When a stand up comedian goes up to a microphone and forgets their jokes. A posher way of saying 'Drying Up'.

Destiny

• Physics unit equal to mass over volume. It was described by Archimedes as being the way in which something floats in time.

Destiny's Child

• Still hasn't popped out. Where is it Beyonce ?

Detail

• A word. It was invented by someone.

Details

• Items often found at the hind extremity of decats and dedogs. Excluding manx cats and dogs that have had them chopped off.

Deus Ex Machina

• Latin for "easily mispronounced to sound inappropriate for children".

Devil's Dictionary

• The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce, is a widely known rip-off of the Undictionary. Known exception: the Ultra Jesus entry.

Devine

• Where one usually finds de grapes.

Devistating

• A mother goddess having various manifestations and roles, especially that of determining the condition of a person or thing, as with respect to circumstances or attributes.

Origin: Devi + state + -ing.

Dewey Decimal System

• Organisational system based on Harry Truman's defeat of Thomas Dewey despite the fact that the papers said Dewey had won. The decimal system is the ratio of the number of votes by which the paper said Dewey won to the number of votes by which Truman did win the election. While this system worked for the news media that declared a Kerry victory over Bush, the system was considered to have failed in the previous election, in which those same outlets declared Gore a winner over Bush despite Gore actually receiving more votes.

Dexterity

• Man's ability to utilize certain tools, most notably bows and long staves. All human beings (and certain Orcs) are born with dexterity, and it increases over time. By a child's first leveling, they should already be able to walk upright. By the fifth level, motor skills no longer need to be focused on; instead, children should turn their attention to magic and swordplay. Dexterity can also be increased by finding the legendary Elven Tunic of Greenforest.
• Man's ability to outwit the police, for stealing pizza ovens and other purposes.

DHL

• Drop it, Hide it, Lose it - an international carrier

Dlixisea

• ot veha @ bropmel pelilps dowrs

Dialogue

• An awful piece of wood.

Dick Cheney

• A protective device for the penis used in peasant fucking. Named after Dick Cheney who makes everyone feel like they want to slam their dick in a door.

Dickhead

• Someone with a penis attached to their head.
• A diminutive form of appellation for Richard Head.

Dictator

An amusingly shaped root vegetable.

Dictionary

• A book bigger than your head that holds useless information.
• Usually used as a children's toy or as an elaborate addition to a family room.
• A sexual position for nerd.

Dick Van Dyke

• A highly unlikely combination. More normally a finger or cucumber is employed.

Diet

• Originates from the latin word Die. Is a severe form of torture, generally used by those who with to gain total control over a subordinate, through a process of blackmail and Twinkie hostages. Some frequent side effects include indulging in bovine relationships, addictive countertop gnawing and sudden loss of finger and toe nails.
• The act of taking the garbage out
• An final act of desperation to reduce critical mass

Dime

• A unit of monetary value, normally concealed by a 'dime bag'. It's precise value in current US dollars is not completely understood. Some estimate a dime to be in the range of thousands of dollars, perhaps more. For example, when one hears the phrase "This car is not worth a dime.", he may conclude that the value of a dime is more than the equivalent to the price of a car.

Dincha

• Cockney slang interrogative - ie "Dincha see me coming?"
• Alternate to Doncha.
• False teeth.
• Very noisy half of a Latin American dance.

Dinorome

• A period in Rome when dinosaurs existed.

Dinosaur

• A type of sausage meat created at the start of the Roman civilisation for the purpose of sadistic experiments performed by scientologists in order to determine whether lemons could be forced to become slaves to the empire. This idea was soon turned into a great big pile of dino poop as the sausages soon grew legs to become dino saurs. They soon laid waste to the entirety of the Roman empire, with the main beasts of desturucion being stegosaurus and Brachiosaurus.

Director

• The person who gets 100% of the credit and respect for making a film. See also: pimp.
• A nautical device used for sailing ships in the precambrian era.

Disease

• Something which causes uneasiness in some people when faced with an external disturbance that requires expanding one's comfort zone.

Disemvowel

• Dsmvwlng s th prcss by whch ll vwls n bdy f txt r rmvd. ftn ccmplshd sng fnd/rplc r smlr fnctns, t s ls frm f rtl xptin f shm n sm cltrs (.g. Jpns smr ltrtr).

Disfunctional

• Closer to you than datfunctional.

dislecsic

• A mane yoosed to discrib sumone hu is to stupid to tern on ther spel chek.
• Devil worshipper signed a pact with Santa.

Dismay

• Process of removing the month of May from the calendar.

Dismayed

• To be dismayed is to be forceably removed from the month of may. Being dismayed is similar to being knocked into the middle of next week, only with the obviously more drastic consequences. Unless it's the last week of may, in which case, it's the same thing.
• Appearance of calendar after the month of May as been removed.

Dissapitate

• A southerner's appetite.

District Attorney

• State official who convinces a jury that an innocent person is guilty of a crime. The crime in question need not ever have occurred. Syn.: Nifong.

Divorce

• The act of ripping a man's genitals out through his wallet; also known as a double homicide.
• diobi-wan kenobi wishes divorce to be with you. You should also remember to take dilightsaber incase you run into dienemy.
• What you would do if you were married to the author of #1 above.

Dodo

• An extinct large flightless bird.
• A device commonly confused with a dildo
• Thethe firstfirst notenote ofof thethe westernwestern musicalmusical scalescale

Doctor

• Doctor who? Come on, be specific, people.

Dr. Spock

• Dr. Spock is a famous child psychologist from the planet Vulcan. His 1946 book, Baby and Child Care, co-authored by William Shatner, which advocated replacing children's brains with sophisticated positronic brains, was a national best-seller.

Drunkenness

• A state of nirvana incurred by a holy liquid known as alcohol.

Go to it. And good luck.

Dock

• Helped the mouse run up the clock together with hickory & dickory.
• Place where (allegedly) dockers work.

Dog

• Not a cat.
• Dyslexic deity.
• used by certain people to refer to other certain people.

"Yo, dog waz up? (also causes the inability to spell)"

Dollar

• A joke currency, sometimes used in the game of Monopoly. Also used by the fictional nation of America in the novel Fatherland.

Dolph Lundgren

• Dolph Lundgren, the son of infamous actor Alph Lundgren, is a famous German movie director. He has directed movies such as Das Boot and Power Rangers Ninja Storm. Mr. Lundgren was named Dolph because as a child he was taken care by dolphins.

Dominatrix

• A less than successful XXX rated remake of the Matrix.
• A very talented Domino player from the future.

Doodershank

• A partial erection received when in an automobile, usually a bus or a taxi. One may receive a Doodershank plus which is a full erection.

It is widely known for a Doodershank to be caused of vibrations rather than a regular NRB.

Dudity

• n. (/'dʊd ɪ ti/) The state of wearing no, or significantly less, clothing than is expected by the conventions of a particular culture and situation, specifically when concerning human males (or "dudes").

Dumbass

• Name for a person that did not realize that the dog was out of order but continued to type anyways.

Donating

• An act of eating doughnut continuously.

Double Agent

• A pervert who edits articles both in uncyclopedia and wikipedia

Double jeopardy

• Double jeopardy denotes a principle of criminal law whereby someone who has been on the "Jeopardy" TV game show cannot be imprisoned for any offence that was covered by any category of questions listed in the game that he was on.
• Double Jeopardy denotes a principle of criminal law whereby a returning contestant on the "Jeopardy" TV game show will never be asked the same question during the "personal segment" that they've answered on a previous episode.

Douchebag

• A person resembling a bag of douche.
• Favourite Australian word for person of great annoyance.
• An Apple store employee

DNE

• A calculus trick, DNE stands for "does not exist". It and a number of other sleights of hand are used by mathematicians to convince non-mathematicians and Luddites that they know something most of don't.

Example: The solution to one over zero is DNE.

Drag Artist

• A performer who specialises in pulling things from one place to another.

Drama

• A theatrically expressive region in Greece.

Dramatic

• A parasitic insect from Drama.

Dramatist

• One who trains Greek regions in tic removal.

Drachma

• One who is current and up to date with his/her training as a Dramatist.

Dressage

• Accounts software suitable only for people who wear dresses. Transvestites are apparently very good with figures.
• An expression heard in army barracks when they discover the Sergeant Major is partial to Christian Dior.

Droll

• One of those subtle, understated words that makes its users look British. For example: "The Magna Carta was a droll tome indeed." Generally speaking, only droll persons use the term droll. Thus is made a perfect redundancy loop.
• A poorly spelt term for an Encyclopaedia Dramatica creator. The correct spelling begins with T. No, not Tdroll.

Drop Bears

• Devious bears of the night that drop from the trees to scavenge around ones campsite.
• A rare type of Australian Assassin disguised as a koala, who will fall from trees onto people's heads, killing instantly.

(Matt) Drudge

• Often used as a synonym to dumbass, asswipe, SOB, the local choir singer who is terrible.
• Also see Dumbass, bitch, asshole, and Pokemon for a more vivid description.

Drudged

• A time when you are so drunk the word drunk is beyond your comprehension.
• The point when you stop drinking.

Duck tape

• Holds ducks together.
• A misspelled Richard

Duh!

• An ancient greeting made by a Greek dude called Homer.
• The ending syllable of the 51st state

DVD

• Dick Van Dykes are big disks that contain, in equal amounts, porn, pr0n, a sex movie and pornography and are about the diameter of a small rabbit. They are now incredibly popular, sales now greatly outnumber VHS's ten point two to one. The main disadvantage of the DVD over the VHS is that DVD's only work in certain regions, or "sexes". Whilst VHS are sex-free, you have to pay with a DVD.
• Digital Venereal Disease, which is extremely contagious, but fortunately can only be spread by having t3h s3x0rz with a computer within certain self-contained erogenous zones of the world.

Dvorak Simplified Keyboard

• a ocmlncuc.e t.fxrape urp l.rln. bry jrby.by ,cyd "<>PY

Déjà vu

• See Déjà vu

Dynamo

• Term describing the acts of a rambunctious individual, often followed by a reference to the PARTY 'clause'
• P-layful A-musement R-umbunctious T-asty Y-oyo(s)
• Which often makes creatures such as these go slightly insane, if they aren't enough already.

Dyslexia

• Ridiculously difficult word to spell for those people who are unfortunate enough to suffer with dyslexia. Dyslexia is often able to be diagnosed when the potential sufferer is asked to spell the word.
• Curious fuciddilly flit drew toplles forse hot raw poopee hole laydisex tutu for fourth wifes inane hognut. Laydisex softenable nosegai hewn to bed pothed tentikals ffurree asstide slope hotdrewl.
• Often affiliated with Tom Cruise and his "Dyslexics are too people" campaign.