t

Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

T

Tappity Table

A Tappity Table is a table you can tap but it has to be made out of air so if its not air it is not a tappity table. Chicken is a material that can be made into a tappity table though you need it fucooked. TAPPITY TABLES FTW <----- shuddup Lear.

Tacit

1. A musical term that is usually confused as some sort of Italian translation for "don't play". Its actual definition is "take it!", meaning you can improvise all you want.
2. The action carried out when attaching objects to things.

Taco

"If not for eating why such a taco look alike?" - Billie Jean King

1. Not just for breakfast anymore. (see breakfast taco)
2. Member of the Hispanic Race.
3. Half of Taco Bell (the bells taste better than the tacos).

Tag Fag

Contributor to Uncyclopedia who uses way much too many tags. See Examples of Bias in Conservapedia's Examples of Bias in Wikipedia.

Taint

1. 1/2 inch in either direction and you're good.
2. Opposite of Tis

Taiwan

The Republic of The Rockers

Taj Mahal

Crown of a shop

Talk

The movement of tongue and jaw that precedes inaction.

Talon

Redneck verb meaning to narc on another person. "I'm talon ma you married our sister, Becky, after she already married me."

Tang

"Orange flavored" drink that is made from a mix of talcum powder, baby oil, orange crayon (for color), and some other ingredients that are too hot for the FDA. It convinced millions of children across America that whatever they did when they grew up, they didn't want to become astronauts.

Tangelo

A cross between a tang (astronaut cool-aid) and a piccolo. Often results in orange powder all over the place.

Tangent

Bloke with a wicked suntan

Tanked

Verb: To Tank.

1. The act of a male ragging a female who is significantly younger and smaller, in an aggresive and sleazy manner. Said male must be large and masculine, with a bigger-than-average dong. Normally used in reference to anal sex, however, also perfectly applicable to oral sex (mouth fuck) or straight-up penetration. Cannot be used to describe single-sex intercourse. Example of useage: "And then he tanked the scrawny little bitch."
2. To be pissed out of your fucking tree.
3. To be visited by the Americans (see bombed)

Taken

Taken is dating code for "buy me a drink big boy". Example usage: "Wanna shag?", "No, I"m taken", "Wanna drink?", "Only if I get that shag".

Taking

if accused of taking somthing just accuse the guy that doesnt speak english and therefore if u have something taken from u just blame the guy that doesnt speak english (your more likely to get it back).

Tank-top

An unfashionable item of clothing worn by accountants and other sad bastards. Woven from the remains of armoured personnel carriers and other war machines, generally by a sadistic grandmother or overbearing aunt. The only way to get rid of these things is to throw them in the nearest furnace at the earliest opportunity. God knows how you get rid of tank-tops though.

Tardy

One who arrives late for a mental appointment.

Tarmo Vilk

Tarmo Vilk- mysterios and esoterical creature in Estonian history. he can be seen at all the places you want to visit. he is everywhere (you can run, but you can´t hide).

Tartan Dollies

Major export of the nation of Scotland, the Tartan Dolly in a Plastic Tube has been the backbone of the nation's economy since the natives took up having actual OIL FIELDS and still paying the HIGHEST FUEL PRICES IN THE WORLD because some eejit gave it all away for a handful of magic beans.

Tarzan

A guy who runs around in his underwear harming visitors of a jungle just because they have a gun, even though the gun could be used for only potection, and not for hunting.

Tasket

A tasket, along with a tisket, is one of the two vital components of any red-and-yellow basket.

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu

The Māori name for a hill, 305 metres high, close to Porangahau, south of Waipukurau in southern Hawke's Bay, New Zealand.Also the longest place name in the world and featured in a hit song by Dave Dobbyn.

Tautology

The scientific study of how tight or strained things are.

Taxidermist

1. A job that involves stuffing a taxi driver full of dried skin until he explodes.
2. Driving around in the fog in a cab.

Taxonomy

It is the art of authorities to suck more taxes of its slaves citizens.

Tea-Rex

A bloodthirsty, carnivorous hot beverage invented by Thomas Jefferson in 7 A.D., not to be confused with Forest Marshals, T Rex or Trex.

Teal, institutional

See institutional teal... in the "I" section, ding dong.

Team Knight Rider

Team Knight Rider is the TV equivalent of the fabled fnord. In short: this show never actually existed. Anyone who refers to it, or claims to have seen it, is part of the evil conspiracy. Avoid eye contact and back off slowly. These people are demon spawn and likely to spontaneously combust on contact. Avoid at all costs.

(Note: Team Knight Rider should not be confused with Team Knight Ridder, a newspaper publishing company.)

Team leader

One who makes sure that all the other members of the team take the blame when it all goes belly-up. Often knows a lot less than the team being led by this person.

Teamplayer

Aerosakral of Warrior Kittens

Teamwork

Being able to share the blame with other team members when it all goes belly-up.

Team Spirit

Any fluid containing at least 40% ethanol.

Teaoffee

n. strange and somewhat putrid hybrid drink of tea and coffee. Often accidentally made by stoners during the course of a mission. Known for its sugar and caffeine buzz that would wake a cremated sloth into action, here is the recipe:

• make one cup of strong tea
• chuck in a spoonful of honey (preferably non-organic, sickly sweet version made in a factory)
• add four sweeteners (yes, you read it correctly)
• take a moist spoon (lick it if you have to)
• dip it into a jar of coffee (the sort of coffee builders mistake for brick dust)
• stir the tea with the lightly covered spoon
• voila, an instant and sugary high
• vomit (optional)

Teaparty

Teaparties are morning parties which only allow people to drink green tea. It is typically attended by government officials.

Teasuscitacion

The act of using a cup of tea to resuscitate someone who is dying due to lack of tea.

Technicolor yawn

This one's real simple. You yawn, you make rainbow. The end. (PS. Requires alcohol.)

Technologicalizationalism

Technologicalizationalism is the process of becoming more Technolocicalizationalized. Not to be confused with Technologicalisationalism.

TEF

Name given to someone with, large/dirty/horrible/discusting teeth

Teh

"Leet Speek" for "The". It's pronounced like "Deh". Derived from the french word Deux, meaning one.

Tej

Hungarian for t3h, not milk.

Telecommuting

An ingenious technical means by which the work you used to do at the office can now be done faster, better, and at one fifth the price by someone living in India.

Telekinesis

Telekinesis is the mysterious force that acts on TV remote controls, moving them from where you put them down. Scientific studies have also reported that people with telekinetic powers are really freakin' cool.

Telemarketer

1. A bankrupt and failed college grad trying desperately to pay back student loans.
2. A person who delights in interrupting such essential family interactions as dinnertime, television-watching, and defecation of solid wastes.
3. A person who is the perpetual butt of a wide variety of practical jokes.
4. A person from Telemark, Norway

Telemarketing

Originally invented in Telemark, Norway; a tradition of the whole village taking their hand-ornamented telescopes to the market-place and boasting about them. The traditional telemarketing day is 2.2.

Teleological proof

The irrefutable evidence of the existence of God based on evidence of design and direction in nature and numbers.

Telepathetic

1. The word "telepathetic" comes from the Klingon language, and in brief, it means, "Someone who seeks its own pleasure in playing Analpoly (gay-Klingon derivate of Monopoly) and cutting his mothers toe-nails". But, in time, this particular meaning is forgotten and lost never to be found, until this day. But today, this word is being used in one of these meanings:

• someone who watches pathetic TV shows, like Oprah and Reality shows
• someone who can communicate with TV through telepathy

also:

• Telepath - The path of the lost TV
• Telepath - Someone who can trace a tele(Croatian for calf) by its trails

2. Someone whose ornamented telescope is too pathetic to show off at the market-place.

Telepathic

The pathological desire to kill television sets

Telescopic

The ability to read another persons mind from a looong way away.

Teletubby

Teletubbies are satanic creatures that live in the USA and become overweight by the age of 5. By 9, they are obese, and this can be attributed to the 'watch TV all day' lifestyle. They breed very simply. First, they host a TV show to entice little kids to watch more TV. They deliberately repeat snippets to drag out the show. Once they have done their worst, the kid will continue to stare at the TV until they become very 'tubby'. Certain linguists believe that this is where the word 'tubby' comes from. They also formed an alliance with Barney which also attributes to the term "tubby".

Note: This show/teletubbies started 18 cold wars and 2 nuclear wars.(erectitubbies were their original name... because of Barney).

The act of suicide whilst watching X-Factor in the bath - 'To tellytubby.' or 'He Teletubbied himself.'

Television Programme

A short period of sound and vision that television companies are forced to transmit in-between lucrative commercial breaks.

Telly Savalas

Bald dead actor. Sucked a lot of lolly.

Tell Tale Tit

A little known member of the Tit family that is rarely seen as it spends most of it's life in the nest of other tit's reading stories to the new hatchlings.

Tempurasexual

[Noun] A person displaying intermittent monogamous commitment to Japanese deep-fried, batter-dipped seafood.

Tendriculated

Tendons with articulation. Extremely strong and light weight. An important ingredient of silent film stock. Harvested from decapitated corpses.

Ten second rule

If any foodstuff is dropped in the floor it is deemed safe to eat when picked up and placed in the mouth within ten seconds. Everyone knows that this short time span does not allow bacteria to transfer from the floor (or ground) to the dropped piece of food.

Tennis

The greatest sport in the World. See Rafael Nadal

Tentacle rape

Social gesture commonly used in Japan between Schoolgirls and any organism with tentacles. Widely believed to be the Japanese equivalent of a hand-shake.

Tent Pole Salute

Scouts slang for making sure everything is in order before a close inspection.

Tequila Mockingbird

A Mexican Mimic bird that nags at your conscience about injustice in America...or Mexico..or...now I can't remember.

Termagent

An English aristocrat who decides on a monthly basis whether to stay at school or shoot peasants on the family estates.

Terminal illness

An illness caught from a computer terminal. This is how humans can catch computer viruses. While not fatal it can cause insanity, particularly loss of the decimal system in favor of the binary.

Terracon

A cross between that guy in the park who showed me his penis and

Ticklespud

Famously, the word that can end awkward moments in board meetings.

Tern

1. A seabird
2. What screws do
3. Star Performer

Terran

A human from Earth who communicates with aliens. The politically correct term for Earthling.

Terrantula

Terrantulas, from the Latin term terrantulus meaning "ugly, hairy, freakishly huge poison-filled jerk", are (actually) some odd form of spider. They are avoided at all costs, because they're freakin' scary!

Terrible

Easily ripped or torn.

Terrorista

A person trained in the art of making espresso coffee drinks, and also in making a customer feel inferior and stupid. The latter is generally accomplished by using nonsensical private jargon to describe said coffee drinks, thereby causing confusion and dread in the customer at the thought of attempting to communicate what it is they would like to purchase.

Terry

Terry is a male's name but also an adjective. A fun adjective I might add. Using 'Terry' to describe anything gives pleasure to even the most boring people.

We have depicted a theory for what the actual meaning of 'Terry' is. A man with a cheesy grin, hunched over posture, and wearing a green Truckers hat adds to the effect of a full blown "Terry"

Testicle

1. A small examination
2. A limestone formation
3. A test flavoured popsicle *Testicle*

Tetrisex

n.

1. The act in which two block pieces bang each other with excitement. It is required for one block piece to have a phallus shaped extremity, while the other has a receptive vaginal shaped space between the cubes that conform the piece.

My blocks are having tetrisex.

Tetrisex keeps on bringin' more cubes into the world.

If you have tetrisex the horizontal way, you die.

Texting

Like speech but a million billion trillion times slower.

Texting is really cool. Cool as in watching glaciers go by.
Texting is slower than drum language.
Bum-de-bang-de-bum-de-ba-bum-de-bum-de-da-bum-de-da--bumdiddy-bang  =  3 seconds.
RUOK?DNT B 2 L8 2 NGT!  =  56 seconds

That one episode of The Simpsons

The origin of 75% of all Internet memes, with the remaining quarter divided between Strong Bad, World of Warcraft and Spam subject lines.

The Ann Arbor Don

The only person living under the name "Donald McNair" AND residing in the city of Ann Arbor, in the state of Michigan, in the country that Michigan is in. He is best described as "hair". People often say that one either "knows Don well, or not at all." That is to say that there is little middle ground in one's knowledge of this character. This phenomenon has lead to the creation of the web page The Ann Arbor Don, which is a collection of images of him, taken by others.

The Big One

The Big One has fascinated people since the dawn of time. Many have puzzled over what it might be, or how big it is.

Patients of the Red Minadory Psychiatric Ward in Alaska have believed to have experienced preminitions of "the big one." The ward attendants explained that the patients regained consciousness with the ambition to dig to the core of the earth using chess pieces in belief they would find pink rabbits (see Clinja) reproducing Kraft Cheese. This soon led to the discovery of french fries and roadkill fish in the toilets of each patient with a door number containing the number 5 (Five). Industrial factory McDonalds later used this incident as inspiration in their shoe production, however later used transformed ideas with more success in the major food-chain company that exists today.

German scientists studied this incident in Alaska and established a hypothesis in 1415. However the hyposthesis was a big one and only the introductory pages were transcribed. Motorists believed that size of the hypothesis was so large that they have considered it a fate-related destiny of concealing the identity of "the big one" .

The mystery of the Big One remained unsolved. Geologists in California have predicted that the Big One could reappear at any time, but have not been able to specify when, nor what or how big the Big One actually is.

The Guns and Butter Cartel

The Guns and Butter Cartel was founded against his knowledge by Dr. Bill Caroll. How it survived so many years still leaves many Neanderthals confused, but then again, they never were quite sure about anything other than Easy Cheese.

The Kiptown Corner Shop

The Kiptown Corner Shop is one of the only highlights of the city of Kiptown Upon Windsearching. Some of the items which can be purchased here include Pukka Pies and The World Famous Haskodrome Telegraph Pole.

Like all corner shops it is run by Indians, so the usual range of Tomahawks, Wigwams and feathered headdress are also available. No children, humans (except guide humans) allowed. Shop may be closed when Big Chief praying for rain.

The Overgiver

The Undertaker's evil twin.

The Sims

The Sims is computer software that allows the user to communicate with small persons who live inside computers.

As is normal with these people, the user generally becomes bored and kills them all in a ball of fire, to the sound "ah, on a day like this, you need all these cupboards and... fireplaces, for some reason, wait, what the? WHERE IS THE F***ING DOOR!?"

The Smiths

Legendary band from Wankchester, UK. Founded by gay lovers Morrissey and Adam Smith in 1981, they quickly discarded their ska-stylings for a less wholesome Old Romantic-look failing to recognise that New Romantic had turned up ca. 1870. Introducing a revolutionary sound combining synth, guitar and harpsichord their startling 1982 debut "If You Lived Here, You’d Be Bored To Tears By Now," they set about wrecking the look of every teenage bedroom in the world, and did succeed, when in 1986 IKEA was forced to shut down the pastel-coloured line of bookcases. They released eighteen no. 1 singles in a row, and most of them are collected on the 1987 stopgap compilation “Meat Is Not Very Healthy At All Especially For The Animals”, which unfortunately failed to raise any eyebrows, anywhere. You knew it couldn’t last, and they didn’t. The main songwriting couple was torn apart in 1990 by artistic (in)differences, Morrissey wanting to adopt a more ghetto-style feel, and Adam allegedly wanting to go honkytonk. Morrissey has since gone on to put out several albums of ambient hip-hop, while Adam has returned to his old job of pasting pasta to cardboard plates. The posthumorous live-album “Everybody Knows This Is A Pretense” was released in 1994 to a somewhat startled group of homeless people. Oh, there were also two other guys in the band, but seeing as they were straight they quickly faded into the background. I think they recorded an album together later, but seriously – who cares?

Theist

One who actively denies the nonexistence of a god.

Theistic allergy season

The Theistic Allergy Season is one of the least understood phenomena in the universe. Because it transcends both specific religion, and specific allergy, it is very difficult to determine the specifics of its workings. Is it Yaweh with a runny nose? Isis wheezing? Ick-Agalitzithron, the Martian God of Celery, with anal leakage? Does Buddha have hives? We'll never know.

Theodicy

What comes after Theiliad.

Theologians

Theologians are scientists that look into the science of theology. Theology is actually one of the oldest sciences in the world, and is originated in Saudi-Arabia, by Jalla II in the year of 666. Theology was originally used mainly to make sure that everyone believed only in Allah, and his almighty power. The early theologians, were therefore mainly used as cannon fodder by the Saudis in their wars against the Christians.

Unfortunately, the mission of theologians got scrambled in the dark ages, and is now believed to involve mages that have the sole mission to destroy all Christians.

Theory of Natural Selection

The theory of natural selection couples the location of the supermarket and the type of supermarket it is to determine whether or not you will be able to get free-range eggs there or not. Darwin, in a corollary to his famous theory stating that the chicken did not come before the egg, furthermore observes that you can always find a supermarket with processed foods and not more than 15% ham in its packets of water but you can never find one with the cereal you like.

Theory of Nothing

This is thought to be synonymous with the TOE - theory of everything.

Therapist

-Being with a rapist in 'the' office
-A person who tries to help heal your dirty thoughts. But seriously... No-one can help you now.

There

One of the first two places where I will not try "Green Eggs and Ham." However, you can never be there. You are always here. As soon as you get There, you will find yourself here.

Discontinue all synaptic activity resulting from considering the above, or suffer SEHS

Thermonuclear Poptart

Thermonuclear Poptarts (n) poptarts who are near, or at, critical mass (more commonly known as "oh sh*t that's f*cking hot! GAH!"). Thermonuclear Poptarts are often found in suburban residential homes, specifically when a they pop out of the toaster.

Thesaurus

The first dinosaurs to exist on the earth, thesauruses never truly accepted the existence of later dinosaurs, such as the Dromoceiomimus and Andy Rooney. Thesauruses were the last dinosaurs to go extinct, doing so only in 1865 under King Roget's misguided advice that they all join the American Civil War on the side of the Confederate States.

Thespians

Originally used to describe "theatre lesbians" (who knows where the P comes from), though nowadays can also include gay men. Thespians assume he identities of dozens of different "characters" in order to avoid being found out by their friends and family.

The Wall

• The best album EVAH!!!
• The most bat fuck insane movie EVAH!!!

Thicket

1. A small thick
2. A collective name for Irish people

Thigh Master

1. A Jedi Master, capable of killing you with his legs
2. Suzanne Sommers
3. Chuck Norris

Ten Second Warning

When a man is about to ejaculate and then realises he is not wearing a condom.

Thesbians

Actresses required to 'lez it up' for the cameras. Real lesbians are never used for these roles as they don't excite male viewers. See also Hudsoning (secret gay playing straight) and Hamboning.

Thespians

Actors appear in TV daytime dramas. Real Thespians do it on stage.

This Page Has Been Intentionally Left Blank

This is used to confuse people and is related to paradoxes. The government can try to confuse people, which is why this is used in the U.S. government.

Thong

1. A highly visible flag displayed by the female sex used to catch the sexual attention of males. Thongs often lead to drooling and erections.
2. Ith's what you sthing sthoopid.

A Few Facts About Thongs

1) The secret to many girls apparent resilience to farting. You see, they simply have this tight piece of fabric wedged between their butt checks keeping air from escaping the anus... quite crafty those girls.

2) Thongs were invented by L. T. Caraway in the year 1678. The thong came as a bi-product of his critically acclaimed, yet socially rejected "Butt Floss" experiments. Strippers, who understandably would be more interested in a clean backside then your average woman used the prototype "Floss" and discovered it was far more effective as underwear then it ever was as a tool of personal hygiene.

Thought

1. To form an opinion by reasoning?! Arey ye mad?
2. The chief impediment to speech.
3. The bridling of meaning for the domestication of experience.
4. Thoughts are those images of your mother naked going through your mind your heard me right, i know all your dirty secrets and thoughts |-)

Thrash

1. Thrash is a verb, a noun, an adjective and a golf ball. It can be used in a bunker or up a tree. Some people put mustard on it.
2. Burning and itching of the genitals

Three Stooges

a series of public service announcements put together by the United States government in the early 20th Century. The Stooges represent the pinnacle in work ethics, professionalism, and occupational safety. As such, the government intended the trio examples to which American workers should follow.

Originally consisting of Moe Howard, Curly Howard and Larry Fine, were created in a secret government laboratory, the results of genetic engineering, intended to produce a race of Super Civil Servants. It is commonly believed that six men played the three stooges. The dispute is whether or not you can count Shemp and distinct from Moe. Using green screen technology the agent that played Moe, was able to also play Shemp. Since each was his own character, the duality is accepted by most members of the disagreement.

Mutiny

After years of service, the mates of the HMS Stooge, took over the fatefull ship. They stopped in Penguitia for provisions and left with WonderFruit and Penguitian wives. Some Penguitian men were taken along as little buddies. The Muniteers and their peeps sailed to northern Canada and founded Nukayukavuk.

Threven

• 

  Threven
  Threven, according to the October 20st, 2008 Comedy Central broadcast of Stephen Colbert on "The Colbert Report", is, "the number [on the telephone dialing pad] they don't tell poor people about." It resembles a numeral three superimposed with a numeral seven, is located just to the right of the zero in place of the hash mark #, and rhymes with the word "eleven" rather than the word "even". [1]

Uncyclopedia also refers to Threven BC as the date to which the middle of the year 2006 was relocated. See ∞ BCE to 1 BCE.

• Shortened version of 33

Throck

term used to describe a throbbing cock.

Thumb, rule of

This is the main rule of all things. The brilliance of it all is, that Austrian people can use it, even though their fingers are frozen. When people do not have a thumb, they may use Big Toe, the rule of the, which has a similar effect, yet is not quite as good for remembering math formulas. Use with care!!

Thunderbird

An email client named after the cheap wine its authors were drinking at the time they wrote it.

TIALOPAC

This Involves A Lot Of Pins And Chickens. Believed to be the solution to the variable problem of "What is this if it involves thirty 6 inch pins and 15 crooked-legged chickens?" The most commonly accepted theory is that TIALOPAC is a chicken leg fixing factory, where the legs of said chickens are fixed using pins. To date there is still arguement over whether it is one pin for two legs, or two pins for one-per chicken.

Tibble

Verb: to nibble a shinbone.

Tiblet

Half a Tablet

Tick

Irish word meaning Thick

Ticket

Irish word meaning Thicket

TiVo

TiVo is a device known as a Personal Video Recorder. Its sole purpose is for time-shifting softcore porn from late-night Cinemax programming, allowing the whole family to enjoy it.

Tide

A popular alcoholic beverage found in all popular liquor stores throughout the US and Canada. Phramton F. T. Sprat invented this intoxicating beverage in his basement in 1907, while trying to invent paint remover. Phramton, ever the scholar, coined the word “tide” from the Old English “teighed” which means drunk (see tight). Over the years sailors (whom love to consume alcoholic beverages) had kept the word alive. Hence “rip tide,” which is the condition of being extremely intoxicated. A sailor saying, “the tide is out” is referring to his inability to acquire inebriating beverages.

Tiger Woods

A hard on for large cats.

Tim Curry

Tim Curry is a hot Indian dish, similar in taste to the tandoori. Invented in a back room in Solihull by a one-eyed syphilitic old woman called Jack, the Tim Curry is so hot, it has been known to melt holes in dining room tables. Eating a Tim Curry generally results in the diner dressing up in fish-nets and singing about transvestites.

Tim Curry is best served with a side of Condoleezza Rice.

(An interesting footnote is that the inventor of Tim Curry later underwent sexual reassignment surgery in Sweden and began contributing to the Uncyclopedia, an online reference work sometimes compared to the Académie des Sciences. As far as can be known, the operation was ambiguous and he/she remains syphilitic.)

Time Speen

A Time Speen is a distance that exists in time and not space, and thus cannot be traversed.
See also:

• Infinity Complex

Time Spleen

Liitle known sister Organ (Pronounced Ore-eee-gon) to the Gallbladder. Evolved to allow Human Beings to work and play in the 3.14159^th dimension.

Time To Get Illin

Not to be confused with game time or the ever popular; time to get a watch, Time to Get Illin is, in fact, a time when both playas, pimps, and gangstas of every sort can congregate, drink cheap liqour and thus become Illified, a state characterized by the regular beating of women and the recitation of badly composed "Freestyle."

Timo

Timo is the infamous ancient German god of Tennis & Coolness. He is said to live on his holy tennis racket, debating the Turkish conflicts. He is often seen 'pwning noobs' and thus is often refered to as the god of '1337' and all concerned aspects of PC gaming.

Tin

From the Yorksian phrase "Too in", Tin is a common contraction which has recently become popular within closely spun circles throughout Northern-Yorksia. (e.g. "Yer in, but yer not tin")

Tinker

A trade in Victorian times which involved messing with things to try and make them better.

Tinsel

A metalic covering for the lower part of a window.

Tire

Mis-spelling of the word Tyre

Tis

1. Opposite of Tisn't
2. Present tense of Twas
3. Past tense of Twill (not to be confused with Cavalry type)

Tish

A softer more mellow form of Tis. A bit like Twill but washed using fabric softener.

Tisket

A tisket, along with a tasket, is one of the two vital components of any red-and-yellow basket.

Tisn't

1. Opposite of Tis
2. Present tense Twasn't/Twern't
3. Past tense of Twon't/Twill't

Tissue

1. Bless you!
2. Gesundheit!!
3. No its not! Is Lorraine!

Tissue of Lies

Verbal whoppers than come in different sizes: Mansize, Soft, Sandpaper, Economy Sandpaper and Kiddie Wipes.

Titter

1. Half crazed sex maniac.
2. Surgery for Breast reinstatement.
3. Bird spotter - particularly interested in the Tit family
4. No Twitter just lost its "w" for a second dont get your hopes up,it not going to be a free porn site sheez

TLA

TLA is a mantra covering everything: LAN, WEB, DOS, USB, IRC, HDD, API, GNU, SAT, WWW, MAC, SMT, PPL, FTP, PDF, ROM, GPL, PHP, NIG, GER, ICQ, SSL, PNG, RAM, GCC, MPL, BSD, AWK, MSN, GIF, GOD, FCK, MTV, UFO, IBM, FBI, TOE, PGP, SRY, GBP, ASS, XDFoS, STD, NOT, FOR, YOU, ETC, IOU, SMT, FUC, KIN, GGG, SMB, BIN.

TNT

A completely harmless form of chewing gum that is very tasty and is very healthy. It is said that if you consume this gum you will gain millions of IQ points.

Toaster

One who raises their glass at weddings. Often found in the kitchen with the ladle, a little old lady who spoons out the punch to everybody.

Today

From the Norweigian "Twoday". The day that comes after Oneday.

Toff

A tough who wants to go upmarket and beat up only rich kids.

Toffee

1. A mixture of tea and coffee that has been allowed to solidify. A commonly used building material in combination with fudge. <p\> 2. A derogatory term meaning "posh" or, if you will, "filthy rich".

Toffooti

Football played with toffee in which the aim is to be first team to eat the ball before getting sick all over the referee.

Tofu

Toffee suitable for vegans and martial arts experts.

Tofutti

Toffuti are tender baby tofu.

Toilet

1. Also know as the crapper, the toilet is the place people spend hours a day heaving out a good load from the ol' butt.
2. Our most intimate daily encounter with the metaphysical.
3. (for Australians) Dunny - slang name for toilet (NB not available from amazon.com)
4. For Americans see Bathroom

Token Black Guy

Used primarily to allow white people to listen to rap music without guilt, the Token Black Guy has become a cultural figure. They can often be found in the midst of a bunch of crackers, participating in behaviour that is categorically described as "black stuff"

The root of the term comes from the early American practice of trading old slaves for bus fare, using a black man as their "token".

Token-ring

A network topology created by California Hippies sharing a single doobie in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead gig while reading Tolkien for the summer. In theory, the bong gets passed around a ring of Hippies and each Hippy has a toke as the bong passes. In practice, someone forgets to bring the dime bag and the bong gets knocked over, spilling smelly bong water over the shag pile that lines the back of the Kombi.

Tomtebloss

A drink usually drunk in Sweden. The ingredients are: 1/3 home made booze 1/3 blueberry juice 1/3 lobster broth and a dash of Moose piss. This drink usually occures togeather with Surströmming

Tony Blair

1. See Tosser
2. See Twat

Top hat

Top hats are status symbols worn by tramps and evil capitalist millionaires.

To The Max

To The Max is a way of life, its about being ttm ttm and ttmness.

Upon the death of my Grandfather, twice removed and once replaced, the family agreed that he had 'Madamadamadamada-MAXXXED it' his entire life, and felt better.

Tortilla

The result of a sucessful scientific experiment crossing chinchillas and tortoises. The animal is half mammal and half reptile, or a mammotile. It has a furry underside and a green shell on top.

TORtourette Syndrome

A state of mind in which one’s neurological and neurochemical processes are vastly superior to the ill-guided and malformed psyches of the majority of societal units. Common manifestations include delighted bouts of joyful “Cursing” accompanied by audio impressions of breaking of wind (a.k.a. Farting), expulsion of gas from the esophagus (a.k.a. Burping), and random high-pitched sounds dubbed "Ruptured Munchkin Effect."

Quite often the exuberantly happy "Cursing" episodes are in the from of a nursery rhyme where a common word is replaced with an expletive e,g., “Mary had a little [Lamb] turd, little [Lamb] turd, little [Lamb] turd. Mary had a little turd, its stank as stank as turd.” This condition was named for 20th century philosopher, and Doctor of Divinity, Tor Hershman [2]

Toshture

A portmanteau adjective of the words "Tosh.O" and "Posture." It references the odd physical condition of one Daniel Tosh when he is standing in front of a green screen. Visually, the body is rigid yet slightly leaning forward at the waist, arms marginally bent at the elbow, hands curled to the rear and buttocks placed in the "presenting" pose; such posture is reminiscent of how one would appear if they were to sit nude upon a broom handle, candelabra candle or similar.

Tosser

1. In English it means Twat.
2. Another name for George Dubya Bush
3. The ancient english game of Spouse Hurling. Upon the command "TOSSER" you throw your spouse as far as you can.
4. Often performed by Scotsmen during Highland Games - see also Caber and McTosser
5. See also Tony Blair

Totter

Water creature making a comeback in British rivers, especially in Yorkshire.

Touch my toes

A lizard found in New Zealand. You could be minding your own business when suddenly you feel your toes being covered by a large slimy weight. If you look down you will see the greenish-brown Touch My Toes lizard smiling up at you.

Tough Titties

A expression used by plastic surgeons when asked to do the 20th operation on a rich bitch who wants to have the body of a 20 year old stuffed under on the head of a granny. See Versace.

Tourist

1. One who studies Tours. Didn't you learn anything from terrorists?
2. American English word that means 'Terrorist' as pronounced by George Dubya Bush.

See also: Tourism

Tower 16

Where WILD THINGS happen amongst the rare books - and the library girls are ever so helpful!!!

Toweling

Inhabitant of the planet Towel.

Toyoda

"Reliable transportation I am, yes..."

Toyoda

"Drive or do not, there is no stall"

Toyoda

The wisest of all the Japanese cars. Early models (IV-VI) were muppets, but more recent (and less popular) models (I-III) are computer generated.

TP-Complete

In computing, the complexity class denoting Trivial Pursuit-completeness; the category of general knowledge or popular culture problems as posed by the popular board game Trivial Pursuit. Not to be confused with NP-Complete.

Trabeculation

Feelings of anxiety about hosting Jeopardy.

Tramp

Tramps are secretly very rich. What are they up to? i'll tell u if u give me sum spare change?

Trans Am

An automobile created by Chuck Norris out of his infinite wisdom.

Trans Spotting

Looking for tranvestives on a speeding train.

Transaminase

The level of Pontiacs in the bloodstream.

Transistor

A brother who wears his sisters clothes.

Trans Pm

Another automobile created by Chuck Norris but this time out of his face on afternoon sherries. Not so popular as his first attempt as this one had square wheels.

Translucite

A popular pissmonunciation of the word transvestite. Often used in gay bars in San Francsico by those who do not have the the force with them. See Transvestite for details.

Transvestite

A closely fitting garment made from the foreskins of transsexuals.

Trans-transylvanian wire-haired mice

Trans-transylvanian wire-haired mice are the children of Tex Ritter and are a necessary evil when using a qwerty keyboard during sex.

Transylvania

William Penn took the wrong horse and ended up in the USA. If had gone to Transylvania it would now be called Pennsylvania and be full of vampires.

Trekkering

1. The process by which two or more Star Trek fans begin to discuss incessantly and in minute, obsessive detail, one or more aspects of a Star Trek series, thereby causing anyone within hearing distance to do one of the following:

a. projectile vomit while singing Come On Eileen b. fall over and explode while speaking in satanic Klingon, or c. gouge out the Trekkers' eyes with a badge communicator prop from The Next Generation.

2. The event that happens when a stoner watches any episode of Deep Space Nine, wherein the shitty, plodding pace of the show combined with the stoner’s…um…altered perceptions, cause time to grind to a halt while angels pee on your shoes.

Trespeditioning

The purposeless act of walking long distances between two points as directly as possible. Discreetly passing through private, commercial or other properties as needed.

Trevor Macdonald

Uber being and arch nemeses of chuck norris equal to him in power and age. Known for his deadly glazed stare and hard hitting news stories.

some people wear superman pajamas. superman wears chuck norris pajamas. chuck norris wears trevor macdonald pajamas. trevor macdonald doesnt wear pajamas, because he is too awsomely hard to ever need pajamas. plus he skin is double layered tweed anyway.

Triffic Jam

Stationary traffic involving three cars.

Triffid Jam

Stationary plants fighting over whose turn it is to get watered.

Trigonometry

• 1.A branch of street rapping devised and originating from the critically acclaimed Pi Ar Squared,
• 2. A singing horse from the 1940s that had a mathematically precise way of riding across the big screen.

Troll

Trolls are a hypermasculinised humanoid race primarily inhabiting Canada (Nation). They are a hard working folk, often employed as bridge guards or debt collectors. Racial bonus +8 Strength, -18 Charisma points.

Also used in the context of the internet to mean "somebody who does stuff I don't like". This racist use of "troll" has caused much pain and suffering to the unfortunate trolls, but the internet community is either oblivious or heartless.

Trolls are typically bitter descendants of the neanderthals who have never moved out of their parents' basements. Whilst searching the Caves of Caerbannog with Alyson Hannigan, Mother Maybelle Carter, and Howard the Duck, I fought many a troll with my sword.

Trolls (plastic version) are also sold by the millions in Norway to stupid tourists who believe that trolls are for real. It is almost as popular as plastic moose.

TROLLIED

English slang meaning to be pissed, drunk,gazeboed, trousered, carparked and so on

Trouble

Trouble is a kind of French fruit grown near the city of Saxony.

True

See Lie.

Trumpet

The title given to the winner of the TV show "The Apprentice".

Trust me

Yeah, right Mr.Blair.

Truthiness

The truth that comes from the gut, not the book

'TP,T' Project, The

TP,T Project, The is a project. The initials 'TP,T' stand for 'TP,T Project, The.'

Not to be confused with The TTP Project, where the acronym stands for 'The TTP Project'.

Tubby

“Tubby, or not tubby? That is the question”

~ Oscar Wilde on your search query for tubby.

1. A term describing someone who looks abnormally like a bathtub.
2. A person who is a piece of lard.

Tube

1. A magic device that makes TVs go.

2. (Brit.) A sewer with trains in it.

Tumble dryers

A device for drying tumble weed. Do you think it would drift across your tv screen if it was soggy and wet? Tumble dryers are the home to many species of cats.

Tumultuous

(adj.) Full of tumult.

Tungsten

Tungsten is arguably the coolest substance known to man (except, of course, for chocolate milk).

Tunsten was first discovered in 2069 by the eminent Dr. Dougie Houser while he was trying to find a substance which would help his army of ninjas battle the pirates. He proceeded to ninja-travel back in time so that he could defeat the pirates and accelerate global warming. However, he let the sample of tungsten fall into the hands of the evil, ancient Greek butt-doctor Sophocles, who renamed it wolfram, in order to confuse people into losing interest in the many insidious uses of the metal. From then on, it's elemental symbol became W.

Tungsten is notably rare nowadays. It used to be the third most abundant element on earth, after balogna. However, in the fourth century b.c, Conner Mcleod, of the Clan Mcleaod made a declaration that all tungsten should be melted on a spoon and injected into his veins, so that he could have paracosmic powers. This explains why tungsten is hard to come by. And also why there can be only one.

Tupac

Pron:; "2 Pack" Tupac is common slang for 2 bottles of Denatured Alcohol which is conveniently packaged togethor with a free loaf of bread - the bread is used to filter the liquid for a more desireable beverage for ghetto consumption, this beverage is then referred to as "Gin".

This is what the famous pop singer Eminem is referring to in his lyrics when he mentions "Tupac".

Tupac Shakur

Pron:; "2 pack shaker" This is a more advanced version of "Tupac", where no bread is required & there are three filters fitted inside the denatured alcohol bottles - with a simple shaking motion the alcohol is triple filtered to a more desireable beverage for ghetto consumption, this beverage is then referred to as "Hennessy".

This is what the famous pop singer Eminem is referring to in his lyrics when he mentions "Tupac Shakur".

Tupaz

The Visayan pronouncation for the birthstone of November or the lead singer (MARK) of the band "Shamrock."

Tuque

Tuques are a type of hat worn by many Canadians. These hats are magical and secretly tell the Canadians that they are a separate country and better than those citizens of the United States. If you remove a hat from a Canadian, they will freeze and become stone - sort of like Frosty the Snowman and his magic hat.

Although many Canadians appear not to be wearing a hat, the reason they do not freeze is because of a popular elective surgery in Canada, the "tuqueplasty," in which the tuque is installed inside the Canadian's brain cavity, an empty spot where Americans store their innate hatred for France.

Turfless

A prefunctory ablative form of the word "cogitate", literally meaning "the defunction of the lobster" in High Latin.

Turnip

A divine root vegetable invented by the great "Turnip" Townshend, by cross-pollination between a radish and a parsnip. We suspect he threw in a bit of parsley too, but some things we will never know. His gravestone bears the words "He Lived, He Loved, He Turnipped, He Died."

Twat

1. See tosser.
2. goes queeeeeeeef
3. See George Dubbyu Bush
4. See also Tony Blair

Tweaker

Commonly misdiagnosed as "junkies", tweaker's are known to stay awake for weeks at a time by abusing substances such as (S)-N,a-Dimethylbenzene-ethanamine (better known as Methamphetamine).

Tweaker's may be hard to diagnose by a non-tweaker, but are often spotted peaking through curtains, standing on there front lawn yelling at "invisible ninja's" Undictionary: Ninja's hiding in tree's, talking in "secret code" on there mobile phone, furiously dancing at night clubs long after the music has stopped, talk your ear off non-stop for hours on any subject & always in a hurry to get someplace but don't know where there going.

Tweakers

The word tweakers derives from the words super and marvellous. A tweaker generally excells in social ability and can be found near a hot chick known as a supermodel. Due to several reasons some people believe that tweakers are the same people that burned the catholic church in 1988 in Berlin, the Reichstag, however nobody ever agreed to that compromise.

Tweakers are not as common as in the late seventies. Their inability to procreate has caused their number to decrease significantly for the last two decades.

Bill Gates posing for the gay magazine Microsoft

• Bill Gates is the Übertweaker. In fact, he has the ring to rule them all. Oddly enough, he has children, but many believe he has bought them on Ebay, where he also bought Mahir Cagri for some reason. He just was tired of his right hand we think.

Tweener

The act of having sex between a woman's breasts. A Nooner can become a Neener in this instance.

Tweeters

People who have lost the art of normal social intercourse. tatti!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two Litre Jaguar

A large member of the cat family that feeds exclusively on penises. tom , "dick"!!!! & harry tatti potty ulti susu ear wax

Two-Thousand AD

2000AD. The year chosen for the title of a British science fiction comic launched in 1977 because it sounded grand and portentous, despite being only 23 years away. Long term readers still debate the topic "what will 2000AD be called in the year 3000?" though a consensus has been reached stating, "Historical fiction."

Typo

aN ehroh in typhing, ushualy froahm bhad sphealing or hi;tting a whrong kye.

Typosekśual

A person is said to be typosekśual if he or she is sexually or romantically attracted to typography whether macro or micro. This doesn’t mean that typosekśuals are sexually attracted to all typefaces any more than heterosexuals are sexually attracted to every person of the opposite sex. Typically, the words “typographer” and “type designer” are used to refer to typosekśual men and women. The term “typosekśual” refers to people who are attracted to both kerning and leading.

Tyra banks

Tyra Banks is an animatronic robot who every year shows pretty young girls photos of themselves again and again and again until only one girl is left standing. This girl is given a token contract with an agency who will show the girl even more photos of herself until she finally snaps and vanishes into the comforting void of obscurity.

Tyra Banks has been accused of suffering from Oprah-itis, a congenital disorder which causes the sufferer to attempt to attain divinity by being black and inspirational.