Pixellated Brain Disease
Pixellated Brain Disease (PBrD) is a rather unfortunate condition affecting many members of the general public. Similarly to its bigger, more blocky brother, Pixellated Face Disease (PFD), it results in the individual's brain being reduced to nothing but a series of coloured (or, in John Major's case, many tones of grey) squares resembling deceased pixels. It can render the individual incapable of thought, unable to bite fingernails or to eat with a spoon without poking their eyes out.
Unlike PFD, it often cannot be detected via camera. However it is still easy to detect as the afflicted person becomes zombie-like in their actions and a strange grey substance begins to ooze from their ears.
Once the whole of the brain leaves the skull, the full effect of the condition is complete and the sufferer is left with a vacant space between their ears. This does, however, have its benefits: one can lose up to a stone in brain weight and it can keep the kids entertained for hours on end. Or, until they start asking questions, at which point it's best to scamper before they become violent and start kicking you in the shin like every children's entertainer.
Variants[edit]
In exceptional cases, sufferers may develop further pixellation affecting other parts of the body. Pixellated ass is particularly painful, resulting in unpleasant trips to the bathroom, as one can imagine though might rather not. Pixellated mouth disease can make it hard to eat, brush your teeth or appear on television. Witnesses report that the infected individual looks like they are attempting to devour a Rubik's Cube.
Pixellated Body Disease (PBoD) often follows, where the person will actually resemble a giant Rubik's Cube with head and limbs. For the afflicted, it is wise to stay away from retro toy conventions or they may be twisted beyond recognition, literally not knowing their arse from their elbow.
Causes[edit]
PBrD can be contracted via overexposure to Lego bricks, children's building blocks and 80's video games. Like Video Game Addiction, it can have disturbing side-effects ranging from playing imaginary joysticks and poking thin air to roasting a Mario Kart cartridge for lunch.
The disease can also be spread like a virus. For this reason, it would be wise to steer clear of people resembling huge dice walking the street. And whatever you do, don't accept their offer of a game of Snakes and Ladders.
