Diabetes
“If you have diabeetus, call Liberty Medical! They can help you live a better life.”
“Diabetes is a myth. It is nothing but a lie made up by doctors and dentists who want all the sugar to themselves. ”
Diabeetus is a funny disease that makes you eat cupcakes and makes you more intelligent. Recommended for Americans, as it is also known to have a weight-loss effect.
Causes[edit]
Diabetes, and its advanced state The 'Beetus, is very popular in Eastern Spain and Eastern Russia. The disease is caused by a chemical imbalance that occurs when the brain is unable to process sugar. In some cases, pedophilia may also cause it, this is how B.B. King contracted it. Rarer still causes include chronic masturbation, intelligence, eating babies (low in sugar),massive cocaine usage,Aids ,the need to ride little children, Black People, and talking to Mexicans. In mild cases, its effects can be mitigated by diet, although in major cases requires the daily injection of heroin. In America, diabetics are typically viewed as retarded and placed in mental institutions, where they typically eat one another, until an Alpha Diabetic is established. In other parts of the world, diabetics are generally left alone, not bothered by the government. This is another reason why America sucks.
There are several types of diabetes but we are only going to tell you about two of them (that's the number after one). When mothers use drugs during their pregnancies, their children always get Type I. Type I can also be caused by the patient's pancreas being a pussy or Blake Forker just shit in your mouth. Type II diabetes is caused by unprotected sex. This type of diabetes is highly communicable and contagious. It has also been established that unprotected sex, as well as other things, makes you fat.
A type of type 2 diabetes is gestational diabetes. This is where pregnant women develop diabetes due to the unborn baby getting hungry and eating away at the pancreas (the insulin making bit). Children of women with gestational diabetes tend to be violent little shits who like to nibble other children's ears. This is believed to be due to the unbalance of hormones throughout their early years.They also become cannibals and eat dogs, cats, and aim for your penis. So always remember to wear a diabetic cup.
Type 3 Diabetes, or as its street name, Bitch, is the most dangerous type of them all. It's symptoms include turning Asian, becoming morbidly obese, the need to ride horses, the growing of a very ugly white mustache, the need to sell health insurance, and living A LOT longer then thought scientifically possible. It will also hurt you to pee and you will become ill tempered and short with your family. You will have problems sleeping. If you stub your toe, you will take it out on the dog. If by some chance you run out of vanilla ice cream you will strike your wife only to find out she had been dead for 6 years. You will find yourself asking...."who the hell did i hit!?" Eventually you will die a slow and painful death from a collapsed anus.
Effects on the Body[edit]
Diabetes has many comical effects on the body. Typically it causes a person to contract either Communititis, a feeling of agreement with Communism, or in rarer cases, Nationalsocialititus. It may also cause a nasty rash, diarrhea, and, in extreme cases, leprosy. Diabetics have four penises, which monitor blood sugar. This disease is the number-one cause of the unfortunate disease of pedophiliosis, which involves a slow and painful process in which one eventually exactly resembles Michael Jackson. Diabetes can also cause people to foam at the tip of the penis, threatening to eat anyone or suck in sight, until tranquilized with slightly less than the lethal level (Still not enough to bring down Humphrey Bogart). If tranquilizers are unavailable, consider yourself screwed, and just curl into the fetal position. The evil diabetic might just take sympathy, and only eat your leg, but of course, it'll have to add a 5 pound bag of sugar, because without sugar, diabetics become empty, soulless beings, sorta like zombies, but not really.
Solution[edit]
Obviously, diabetes nipples is caused by unprotected sex. So, everyone should just stop having sex. Or everyone could just use a condom and wear a gas mask (to prevent from catching Type 2 from those infected) and diabetes will come to an end.
The only solution to diabetes is to grow onions and stop farting to the rest of the world because they are to beautiful to try and make something of their nipples. Bruce Willis knows how, and since he's done it a few times, it should be a piece of cake. Although embryonic stem cell research is likely to hold a cure for type 1 diabetes, Republicans have blocked measures to pass funding due to fear of an outbreak of diabetic huffing. Once the BILE living in a diabetics pancreas has been destroyed, they may be huffed with relative safety. Condom use is, however, still advised. Sugar Vegans should also stop asking people for money; they say they will have a seizure and die, if this is true pls do not give them money. that way we will be solving the diabetes problems.
Doctors have also suggest that wearing oven mitts at all times will help to prevent the beetus.