Pinkie Pie
| Pinkie Pie | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Domain | Undefined |
| Kingdom | Mammalia |
| Phylum | Equestrians |
| Class | Cornell University |
| Order | One Big mac and large fries, with coke |
| Family | Pie |
| Tribe | Earth |
| Genus | Insane |
| Species | earth pony |
| Binomial name | |
| Destruction | |
| Specifications | |
| Primary armament | Party Cannon |
| Secondary armament | Extreme Sarcasm |
| Power supply | Cupcakes |
| Health | 1976 |
| Mana | Unrecognized |
| Strength | OVER 9000 |
| Intelligence | 105 I.Q. |
| Weight | 120 Lb. |
| Length | 4 feet tall, 4 feet long, 2 feet thick |
| Special attack | Looking at the camera |
| Conservation status | |
| One and only | |
Pinkamena Diane Pinkie Pie is a living pie pony often depicted as the psychopath of the My Little Pony series. Colored in pink, she attracts straight men for her big booty[1]. Pinkie Pie is listed as #2 of FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted, the number one being Osanus Bun Lesbo[2], probably due to her killing spree.
History[edit]
Childhood[edit]
Osama was born in- er, dammit. Pinkie Pie was born in Bethlehem- UGH, in the middle of nowhere, probably in the open desert of Nevada. Seconds after being born, she was asked to be sent back to her mother's womb to be born again, but a rabbi told them that's NOT the proper way to be born again. Instead, he baptized the pink foal in the water, drowning in the process. The next day, Pinkie woke up in the hospital with your mom and HER mom. She was given a free circumcision session by a mohel, but, after they realized she was a female, they replaced the session with a bloodbath. In the bloodbath, Pinkie Pie learned to improvise weapons (An example is being able to make a bomb out of a used condom, salami, potassium and a fire source). She also developed a nervous tic in which she viciously stabs people with a spear she carries around in her massive booty.
In school[edit]
At the age of 15 she studied at Cornell University while wearing a wedding gown, driving all men to masturbate over her. Since she's terrified of bukkake, she ran like hell and then jumped off a nearby highway and got into a collision with a guy riding a stolen bike.
In the hospital[edit]
In the hospital, she woke up with 24 black men[3] about to ejaculate in front of her. Still terrified of bukkake, Pinkie Pie used her window opening powers swordfighting abilities and chopped their balls off with a bread knife. High off the mass murder she had committed, Pinkie Pie ran outside raving like a lunatic psychopath (whilst holding the balls of the deceased ones) and yelled "I HOLD THE BALLS OF 24 DEAD BLACK MEN!". The cops saw how bloody her coat was (and how stupid she was to tell everyone the fact that she was a fucking serial killer) and gave her instant solitary.
In solitary[edit]
She managed to rip out of the kryptonite straitjacket she was wearing [4] and went out to the desert to her safehouse. But before even doing so, she killed the scientists with the kryptonite and jumped into a wormhole. As Pinkie reached the other side, she found herself inside an airplane and slept in there[5].
Suicide[edit]
The next morning, she went insane for no reason and hijacked the plane, taking off and then talking to rocks, bread, dead people and a bucket of vomit whilst wearing a tuxedo[6]. One pony named Rarity was inside the aircraft and freaked out... So freaked out she jumped out of the plane and landed, hitting her head on a rock then getting rammed over by a car with Carl Johnson masturbating to a picture of his girlfriends while drinking Crotch Sweat™. After a bit of realization that she was a crazy idiot talking to objects and other rubbish, Pinkie jumps off the airplane and lands on the Bermuda Triangle and gets herself drowned unconscious...
Yadda yadda yadda, she got washed away by laundry detergent seawater and sent to unknown land.
In Greece[edit]
Pinkie woke up on the shores of Greece, and many people saw her. Everyone were amazed to see a pink horse with cotton candy hair and began worshiping her, but Pinkie Pie, also terrified of the people's possibility to prepare her for bukkake, went above the temple and pulled out her AK filled with infinite ammo. She shot out all the people and hijacked a Ford Model T and drove away to her present home, Ponyville.
Powers and Abilities[edit]
Pinkie Pie is a pony, but not a regular one. She's pink, and a weird horse, so weird that when people try to explain things about her they suffer Suddenly Exploding Head Syndrome. She has the following abilities:
- Breathing
- Eating
- Dying
- Resurrection
- Ascension[7]
- Becoming fat the first day she ate a giant cake, then starving the day after tomorrow
- Being pink
- Teleportation[8]
- Breaking the laws of physics for no apparent reason
- Breaking the Fourth Wall.
- Breaking everything in her path.
Friends[edit]
Most of her friends are nonexistent and are simply pieces of wood with scary faces drawn on marker. But some of them are made of living tissue (or maybe partially made of it). Here's a friggin list of them.
- Twilight Sparkle - Not the movie you idiot.
- The Pope - Being friends with a human catholic, even if a psychotic murderer.
- Mario - He's helping Pinkie Pie of her depression by giving her shrooms.
- Michael Myers - Being friends with a human serial killer, even if dead.
- Everyone Else - Except Satan and his minions, Justin Bieber and some other guys.
Pinkie Pie today[edit]
She was the horse ridden by death in the Apocalypse because Revelation 6:7-8 says:
| “ | When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!". I looked, and there before me was a PINK horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth. | ” |
People start to believe, until they rewrote the bible, replacing pink with pale.
Pinkie Pie's job of cooking baked goods made her so rich that their monarch even gave her the free will of doing absolutely anything.
On stage[edit]
Pinkie became a superstar when she got the job of being a character in My Little Pony. Her Generation 3 appearance gives people negative stuff about her so she almost cut her own head off with a chainsaw. But she was given a second chance by Lauren Faust. So Pinkie gave another shot, and millions had fallen in love with her real personality, instead of that stupid shitty G3 version of herself.
Mass Murderer?[edit]
Pinkie Pie was known for baking cupcakes, but will she be known for baking cupcakes out of other horses? Applejack had a Pinkie Promise with Pinkie Pie, but when she broke it, Pinkie got enraged and slaughtered her to pieces.
A few months later, there was not a pony to harvest apples. This started out the era of cannibalism and this resulted in fatalities.
See Also[edit]
References[edit]
- ↑ Actually, they're made entirely of helium
- ↑ Osama's gay clone
- ↑ I have no idea
- ↑ Impossible, not even The Incredible Hulk can do this
- ↑ She should've been arrested by security, but nobody cared anymore
- ↑ Oh, did she forget to autopilot?
- ↑ No, she isn't Jesus. But she can float on the air for a short while
- ↑ Example is when you take a shower, then she popped out of nowhere