No-one

No-one is everywhere

When someone becomes so unpopular and disliked to be ignored by his fellow human being, he becomes a No-one. Once he has become a No-one, it is very difficult to become a person again, it could take years to regain the title of fellow human being, and once a No-one, you will always have the No-one mark (even after becoming human again)

No-one and noone

No-one is NOT noone, this is a common misconception caused by the similarities in the two titles, No-one is still someone, just a changed someone, someone that has become a No-one, no one is simply a non-entity.

A No-one hates being called a noone, because this says that not only are they no longer human, they are no longer there. The last 3 recorded incidences of a Someone calling a No-one “noone” has resulted in immediate dismemberment, decapitation and the comment: “AM I STILL NOONE!!??” However it is quite hard to document these events because usually after they do this, the body is devoured as a protection against Everything.

What to do if you meet No-one

1) Ignore at all costs

2) Push them, but not too hard

3) Maybe call No-one names (the idea being that if a teacher asks, who were you calling those names you say No-one, thanks to the affore mentioned misconception they will believe you meant noone, and will leave you alone)

4) On no account should you call them noone, make sure you pronounce it correctly to avoid confusion, no one is pronounced “no-one” No-one is pronounced “NO-won” (notice the emphasis on the no)

Follow these simple rules and you shall be safe from No-one.

How to become No-one

The general concept is quite easy. The steps are as follows:

1) Concentrate on work above all else

2) Have no friends

3) If approached by anyone shout “GO AWAY!! MISS HE’S BULLYING ME!!!”

4) Never, EVER say anything cool, or funny

5) Ignore fashion of any kind

If you follow these simple rules you will be shunned by your colleagues, ignored by members of the opposite sex, and soon, be ignored completely by everyone. Once that happens you will have become a No-one

   WARNING – This is a health warning to anyone attempting to become No-one, stop now, if you
   succeed your mental state will deteriorate, and you will eventually end up in a comatose
   state searching for soft core porn on the internet every night. For your own good, DO NOT
   DO IT. And as an extra deterrent, bullies have been deployed by the government to
   discourage anyone else from becoming No-one, remember these bullies are professionals,
   trained by the government, teachers are paid to ignore what they do to you.

No-one and Everything

No-one is the only reported survivor of the dreaded Everything. being so unbelievably sad, ugly and boring that Everything just didn’t bother. If you were no one then you wouldn't be someone making you not someone which would make you no one...... but really isn't there a little no one in us all?