Jerry Lawler
Jerry "Oh My Gosh" Lawler is the second most fattest blubber of lard (behind good ole "Fat boy" Jim Ross) known to the WWE universe as the other fat fuck who occupies the commentary position. Jerry is also sometimes remembered by a nickname, "The King" that is a name given by himself when he began calling himself that in the early 70's, after the inbred rednecks running the show (Memphis Wrestling) booked Jerry to star in the main event and misspelled his chosen name "The Klu-Klux-Klansman". But somehow "The King" stuck.
Early Life[edit]
YAWWWWWWWWWN.... do you really wanna know? Honestly? I mean, we can bore you with details... his momma and his poppa had sex and so... Jerry was conceived, WOW! He was popped outta mommas tuna tunnel a few months later, then he entered the world and grew up!! Amazing!!!... but you only know him as as a pro-wrestler, right? You cant tell me you honestly could care any less about knowing about what kinda boring things he got up to as a toddler, and how he got his "mean-streak" against a local bully like all these fricken' wrestlers crap on about in their autobiographies.
Memphis Wrestling[edit]
When Jerry turned 18, he became a professional wrestler; because that's often the profession those whom get 75 on their S.A.T's in the deep south of America take up. So Jerry did the same old boring as shit-stinken hell thing that every other starting out wrestler does, he helped sell tickets and construct the ring... oh, God, someone save us from this typical standard boring as fuck-hole-beans story of how EVERY god-damned wrestler started off in the business doing this shit.
Self Made Star On The Ass Of Life (Also known as the MWA)[edit]
So Jerry did this and blah, blah, blah and became a wrestler. Then did this 'n that and before you know it he was running his own promotion and making himself the "star" of the show. Jerry worked with famous wrestlers such as... ohhhhh, GOD, MAKE THIS END NOW... you know, that old guy you saw 20 years ago taking dives to Hulk Hogan and a million other wrestlers names you may or may not have heard of, but really are sick to death of hearing about because everyone of these fake-ass steriod-into-the-eye-of-their-dicks taking wrestlers stories are always identical boring pieces of monkey-fuck with a name changed here and their, and a 700 page story in every detail of who their best friends where in the beginning and who they got along with, who they saw start, who they worked with, who they sucked off, who they spiked the drinks of, and yadda yadda yadda.... man, aren't you just sick of reading this same old thing over and over again?
WWFE[edit]
So Memphis closed and Jerry went to work for Vince McMahon in the WWF... and blah, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, Bret Hart this, Bret Hart that, a sharpshooter incident, blah, blah, blah, reverse desicion of the winner, Jerry is crowned the "King Of the Ring" yadda, yadda, yadda becomes a big heel (bad guy), Bret calls him "burger king" the crowed is so stupid they think it's funny... yadda yadda, tubby-ole-fat-fuck is getting old, yadda yadda, fat boy can't wrestle anymore, yadda yadda blah blah blah becomes a commentator and now says shit on the microphones.
Oh, and he had a heart attack. Nothing of any value was lost.
