Umlaut monster

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Ich will Sie essen!

“This isn't related to Das Boot, is it? My God, what a boring film that was.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Das Umlautmonster (also called das Umlautungeheuer) is a shady Figure, it behind Cupboards and Bookcases lurks. It is of cruel, wicked, pedant, and sadistic Natur. It nasty Fangs has and two huge, dot-like Eyes above its enormous, wide Mouth hover. The Umlautmonster feeds on the Bodyparts of People who Mistakes in Germangrammar make. It can also very mad at you become if you merely any single Noun in a Sentence to capitalize forget. Remember Word Order! If Man Mistakes in Word Order makes, the Umlautmonster two Bodyparts instead of one consume will.

Geschichtlicher Überblick[edit]

The Umlautmonster is in ancient Times geborn, when the Germanic Tribes during the Völkerwanderung upgemixed became. Soon had they a Language of their own gemade. After this was the Umlautmonster from Hölle ungeleashed. The Teufel himself sent Germanlearners it to haunt. The Umlautmonster could also on the Accusativecase feed, but prefers instead painfully Students to torment. The famous Writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe a Pact with the Umlautmonster gemade. He his Soul to the Monster sold for the Ability to gain, no Mistakes in German Grammar to make. He later these Events described in his famous Epic which he Faust named.

Some People think that the Monster Leviathan from the Bible actually Umlautmonster is. This the Truth is nicht, because all Evidence suggests that the Umlautmonster really the Anti-Christ is.


It as big as four Cats is and it a retractable Leg has, so that it at you better upleap can. And know you what? It lights up at Night and it has four Ears - 2 from them for listening are, Und der other 2 auxillary Ears are (in Case of Emergency). Und its Claws are as big as Cups and for some Reason has it a tremendous Fear of Stamps (die Markfurchten). Our Sources have us getold, that it Magnets on its Tail has, so that if you of Metal gemade be, it can to you itself attach.

Die Opfertiere[edit]

Sometimes learning-German-Grammar People are as offerings to the Umlaut Monster geconsidered. Countless Students and Schulkinder outside Germany and Austria have all their Fingers, Toes, Eyes, and Intestines to the Umlaut Monster gelost. These terrible Tragedies have People for the Destruction of German Grammar calling gecaused. Some People have that the Problem not German is, but Grammar gestated. They are wrong.

Benutzen der Kommata[edit]

It is important, when man German Grammar write, Commas correctly to use. Those, who with this Directive not comply, will to the smaller-than-the-Umlautmonster-1066-geborn Commacreature fed be. It is also important for you to remember, that the Commamonster 1066 born was, but the Umlautmonster nicht wurde.

In German, use man Commas after every Clause in Sentence, in order the Clauses to separate, and therefore Readers becoming confused prevent, because German Sentence Structure infinitely long Sentences allows. However, German Newspapers behave not like Arabic Newspapers, which a Sentence oft has, which 1 Paragraph long is. In addition, must man always in Germany with Commas Clauses separate, and man may not ignore the Rules, as man in English kann. However, because the People, who in Brussels work, Europa to standardise are trying, introduced they the Anti-Social-Behaviour-Order, which Defaulters stop will.

People trying the European Language to standardise, have a Blend of German and English created. For further Details, refer man to the following-as-yet-uncreated Page, which about the European Common Language talks.

Eine Lederhose braucht keine Bügelfalten[edit]

Zo. It is simply not possible, Ideas sensibly in German to convey, without the Feeling to get, that one one's own Eyes with a Spoon preferably outzuscoopen want would. The best Way the Umlaut Monster to avoid is away from German Grammar altogether to stay.