Messiah
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“There's no Messiah here! There's a mess alright, but no Messiah!”
“He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!!”
“Some people make me out to be the Messiah; others misjudge me.”
The atheist version of Jesus, Messiah is hated by all right-thinking Christians throughout the World, and hence fits very well indeed into the collection of Jesii. The origin of Messiah is simple: Whenever challenged on the existence of any one Jesus, let alone the full complement of 729.5, an atheist must by law laugh, look concieted, and say that Oh, of course the Messiah existed, but he was just an ordinary bloke, who could wow simple minded morons, like yourself, Ho Ho Ho. Following Wilde's First Law of Physics, that truth is merely oft-repeated fiction, as the number of atheists increased in the World, and the number of claims for the Messiah's existence grew larger, reports began to come in from Milton Keynes of a fat beardy bloke, who performed such fabulous miracles as turning water into urine and sentances into incoherent gibberish. A twelve-year theological investigation by the University of Oxbridge commenced, which discovered that not only did the so-called Messiah, whose real name was Ron Spokes, have no immediate family or history to speak of, he was constantly surrounded by a group of very annoyed looking Nuns, who kept muttering that they'd preferred it when God had told them to do more paletable things, like murdering children. Thus, Messiah was enshrined as a fully fledged Jesii, and has his very own Pope-endorsed shroud, which he uses to clean up beer stains. He is a long-standing argument by the Church that while atheism may seem to make sense, you really, really, really wouldn't want to go there.
Like all the Jesii, Messiah has regular conversations with God. He asks if God saw the game last night, our team, like, won three-nil, and God tells him what a hopeless excuse for a Divine Being he is.
See also[edit]
| Disco Jesus: Knows how to love you | What would Jesus smoke? Sweet smoking Jesus |
| Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter | Salvation by Trickle-Down: Supply-side Jesus |
| Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: He drank TOO much wine. | Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification: Messiah |
| For your tiny sins: MicroJesus | Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus |
| Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone | He's blonde, cultish, and believes in racial purity. No, he's not a Nazi, he's Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints |
| Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV | An alpha prototype Christ: Jesus 1.5a |
| Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find | The one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something: Jesus LaBrie |
| MC Jesus: The Jewish Rap Sensation |