MC Jesus

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Stop hand.png Warning, rejection of Jesus may lead to eternal pwnage

“He was a man of many words, some say he had a good dictionary”

~ Oscar Wilde on MC Jesus

MC Jesus – Crucifix of Gold ft. Cam Reynolds[edit]

Jesus wearing Tupac Shakur's headrag
It was the year 0027 and there was a rising star in the Jewish hip-hop scene. The following is a story of a young MC climbing the ranks of Jewish hip-hop, MC Jesus. Jesus the Son of God grew up in a small town called Bethlehem. Living next to a train station with his mother Virgin Mary (not so virgin anymore) and her boyfriend Greg, who had no money and no job, living off cupons and rats, they had it hard; Mary spent all her money on drugs and was a crack addict, hitting lines and getting beaten up by her boyfriend were part of her daily routine. barely being able to send Jesus to a good jewish school. Jesus got beat up everyday and put on free lunch until he was 14, he then started rapping and trashing temples. Being a pure white Jew and the saviour of man, Jesus found it hard to fit into the rap scene of Bethlehem. Jesus competed in rap battles every weekend, facing the best like 50 gold peices, Notorius G.O.D and Fat Juda. It wasn't until Jesus met Moses that his rap carear started to boom. Moses was a DJ with lots of potential, with some of the best sounds of the time it was no wonder they made a platinum record deal after on 2 hours of rapping, (Moses was also an awesome beatboxer and could play mean spoons).

“Busting ryhms, Biblical times, Curing the blind..” MCs - Jesus and Moses trying to catch us preachin’ dirty...

MC Jesus feat. MC Moses – Preachin’ Dirty (Explicit)[edit]

They see us Preachin'

They hatin'


And tryin. to catch us Preachin’ dirty.

Tryin' to catch us preachin' dirty. (x4)

Jesus with his gold plated AK47

Breaking bread so loud;

I'm preachin'.

They hopin'

That they gon' catch us preachin' dirty.

Tryin' to catch us preachin' dirty. (x4)

MC 900ft Jesus with DJ Zero[edit]

Thank god for MC Nine oh oh, will be the first thing you say

When you are jumping out of bed, at the start of every day

Dropping on your knees while you are calling out my name

Saying thank you thank you thank you

And you'll bless the day i came into your life

Which up to this point had been a big fat joke

That you were playing on yourself but now its time you awoke

From this dream you've been having and confront reality

So shut your mouth for one minute and pay attention to me

Jesus Jesus Baby:[edit]

All right stop commemorate and listen

Jesus is back with my brand new intention

Something grabs a hold of me tightly

Flow like the holy ghost daily and nightly

Will it ever stop yo I don't know

Put a dollar in the box yo’ and I glow

To the extreme I rock a mic in my sandals

Build a church on the block and light up all the candles

Dance go rush to the speaker that booms

I'm filling your brain with christian tunes

Holy when I preach a dope melody

Anything less than the best is a felony

Love it or leave it repent your sins

You better hit bull's eye or satan wins

If there was a problem yo I'll solve it

Check out the book while my DJ revolves it

-Platinum Album in 0030 - Jewish Paradise

Popular #1 Hits:[edit]

  • Pass Da Jesus Juice Ft. Lil' Jon da Baptist and da East Bank BoyZ
  • Preachin’ Dirty Ft. MC Moses
  • Jewish Paradise Ft. Dirty Dozen Disciples
  • Ghetto Gospel
  • Hebrew Bridge Ft. Mary Magdalene
  • Water into Wine Ft. Disciple Simon
  • In the house of a Judea Nun
  • S.A.V.I.O.U.R. Ft. John the Baptist
  • Bible Shop Ft. MC Moses
  • Smooth Christian
  • Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Jesus
  • Put your hands up for Jesus Ft. Noah and the Wooden Arch Clan (WAC
  • Ridin' Carts (If you rid rims you gotta’ ride carts).
  • Still Jesus Ft. Dr.Jew and Snoop Sinagog
  • Jesus Walks
  • Who's In Da House? Jesus In Da House! Ft. Father Brian and The Fun-Loving Cardinals
  • Fuck the Creationists Ft. MC Hawking
  • Jesus In The Sky With The Diamonds
  • Nuthin' But A G-Sus Thang Ft. David Dogg Tha King
  • Rising Up (To Tha Top) Ft. Dirty Dozen Disciples
  • Three Little Birds, One Big Cross
  • Mo' Praise, Mo' Power Ft. Holy B.I.G.