Pacifists
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The Pacifist, or passive fist, cult-gang is one of the better known off-shoots of the Hells Angels. Pacifists, unlike their ghetto-tastic motorcycle riding brothers, ride Dragons.
Transportation[edit]
Preferring the Great Wyrm Gold Dragon, for its breath weapon, some ride Great Wyrm Black Dragons. Black Dragons are best suited for night raids, due to stealth.
Gang sign[edit]
The Pacifists have the most complex hand-sign of any San Francisco gang. It involves creating a peace symbol using all 11 fingers. And yes, only men have 11 fingers, so women can't be Pacifists.
Drugs[edit]
Whereas the Angles deal in hard drugs, the Pacifists sit around most of the time on communal living colonies in the middle of fields. They play guitars and feed their dragons. At one point a Hippie (rival gang member) stumbled into one of these colonies. The Hippie had a guitar, some pot, and a whole lot of LSD. LSD was the one that stuck, and to this day the best LSD is Pacifist LSD.
Tattoo[edit]
Because the Pacifist head leader is too spaced out on LSD to ever create a tattoo, the members of The Pacifist Gang recognize each other by the distinctive dragon scratches on their faces, and lower legs.
Beliefs[edit]
The Pacifists believe that Gandhi was the Messiah sent by God to help Fox News resist your temptation of really cool video games. They further believe it was part of Gandhi's divine mission to put an end to all war everywhere, including the War of Good vs Evil. Pacifists believe that all life is worth saving, and that "Violence Never Solved Anything" (...idiots). They have several commandments:
- Thou shalt let your ass be kicked.
- Thou shall not fight back.
- Turn the other cheek, so they can hit that one too.
- Don't step on ants.
- Violence never solves anything.
- Annoy non-pacifists until they beat you up.
- Keep annoying them afterwards to prove your point.
- Don't eat the animals, the animals are free-ee-ee-ee (see also Nina Hagen)
- Respect other people's opinions—condescendingly, so that they will beat you up.
- Carry flowers, not guns.
- Thou shalt worship thy messiah Gandhi
- Violence is evil! EEEEEEVVVVIIIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
History[edit]
The founder of the Pacifist cult, "Ned," settled down to form the Pacifist religion, after a series of "divine visions" involving God, his "messiah" Ghandi, and the entire cast of "We Are The World." Shortly after founding his religious cult, Ned quit doing drugs and returned to his desk job.
In his absence, the religion flourished here on Earth, until the entire congregation was beaten to death by militant members of both the "Pro-Life" and "Pro-Choice" cults, in a unique display of solidarity.
To this day, angry teenagers still adopt the beliefs of Pacifism usually out of the sense of rebellion it gives them, believing that somehow Ned will eventually return and somehow unite the world in peace by getting everyone to "just be nice to each other, and work out their differences peacefully." Meanwhile back on the real world, the video game industry continues to thrive on blood and violence, there's always a war going on somewhere in the world, ants are stepped on while Solomon, Vishnu and Ant-Man cry, women get raped and no one believes them without photographic evidence of the event, thousands of children die each day from lack of clean drinking water as you poop in a bowl full of it, and Jerry Springer continues to exist.
Summary[edit]
- Those people who are too lazy to get off their collective butts and go so far as to believe in something. Best when spread liberally on black pavement after a particularly vicious riot police charge. See door-mat.
- What gun control advocates use to solve problems requiring violence.