The Honky Tonk Man
The Honky Tonk Man, formally world renowned singer "Elvis 'The King Of The Ring' Presley", was known all around the world as the king of rock n roll until he faked his own death in 1977. To see the King's former life before becoming a wrestler, see his previous alias under the name Elvis Presley. Elvis had had enough of the life of Rock N Roll, and faked his own death in 1977 to get away from the media and his wife of the time, Priscilla, who was talking about a dream to become the Queen of a desert, and daughter Anne Marie, who was making her father sick to the stomach that she wanted to marry one of the members of the Jackson Five when she grew up.
Elvis could not stand this life anymore and faked his own demise. The world was shocked at the death of Elvis; and at the time, Elvis was the only one who knew he wasn't dead. Elvis begun pretending he was one of his impersonators, naming himself the "Honky Tonk Man" after his favorite character from Sesame Street and went in peruse of his life long dream to become a professional wrestler. He began training at the Rockin' Wrestling Training Barn in Tennessee under the guidance of who would become his best friend & future Kellogg's hall of famer, "Cocoa-Pops-Beware". They began training with each other and drinking out of the toilet together, as there was a water shortage crisis happening back in the Tennessee in those days, then after a few years of intense training together, the two of them decided they where ready to enter the wide world of sports of professional wrestling.
Wrasslin' Career[edit]
Memphis Wrasslin'[edit]
The now known as "The Honky Tonk Man", went with Cocoa Pops to meet with 'Memphis Wrestling' promoter Slammy Davis, Jnr. Honky debuted for Memphis Wrestling in 1978 against Bob "Hardcore Buddy" Holly where they began a small rivalry that went completely unnoticed. Honky didn't make much of a name for himself, even when trying to take on the top names like Jerry "The Burger King" Lawyer & Crocodile Dundee. It wasn't until he was teamed up with Larry The Cable Guy to become the tag team known as "The Lavatory Bombers" did he gain any recognition. They went on to win the crown of Most In Need Of An Enema championship. The group was not together very long after that, and Honky found himself in various other promotions during the early 1980's such as the NWA, AWA, ABA, NBA, CBA and AC/DC
World Wildlife Federation (WWF)[edit]
In 1986, Honky joined the World Wildlife Federation, where he was first being billed as a baby face Elvis impersonator. Fans didn't seem to take a liking to him, so he became a cocky heel that was forced to accept Jimmy "Cum In My Mouth Or Go Down South" Fart as his manager and personal tampon dispenser. Honky's fist major feud started withJake "The Snake In My Pants Is Bigger Then Your Shake Rattler & Roll" Roberts after The Honky Tonk Man proceeded to smash a guitar over Roberts head out of shear jealousy at the size of the man's penis. They where booked to collide with each other at Wrasslfakia III. This match also saw the inclusion of Alice "From The Brady Bunch" Cooper at ring side for no apparent reason what-so-ever. Jake was the victor of that match, after Alice pulled Jake's penis out of the bag he carried it in, and threw the knob of it to Jake to frighten The Honky Tonk man away.
The Greatest WWF Intercontinental Breakfast Champion of All-Time[edit]
During his time in 1988, Honky was asked to replace the absent, Butch "Jerry" Reed to take on Ricky "Enter The Drag Queen" Steamboat for the I.B.C title. Honky would win the title by smothering Steamboats face into his rear end and farting, leaving Steamboats face looking like a trumpet player hitting the highest note he can. Honky would become the longest running I.B.Champion in WWF history. Holding the title for a record 3 days longer then Hulk Hogan spent between defending titles. Honky was scheduled to wrestle Bruce "The Beloved" Cheescake at the 1988 PPV, BummerSlam. But on the night Bruce was a no show. And issued a challenge to anyone who wanted a shot at the title. The issue was accepted by The Ultimate Gaylord who ran to the ring and took only 32 seconds to bore the Honky Tonk Man into a coma as he started yelling things about space ships uniting worlds and crashing into medicated goats piss mouthwash manufacturing plants, witch gave the the Warrior the victory as the new I.B. Champion.
Honky then had a rivalry with "The America Dream" Dustin Hoffman where the two engaged in the first ever kiss my tootsie match. He later teamed up with Richie "The Hammer" Valentine to become known as the duo of Rhythm & Blues - Honky also recorded a song called, "I'm Cool, I'm Cocky, I'm Not Really Elvis Despite Conspiracy Theories" that was later released on the album, "WWF Songs To Break Your Little Sister Bones To".
Over the coarse of the next 3 years, Honky really faded away as his old habit of eating deep fried dogs testicles in butter was getting the better of him again.
World's Crappiest Wrestling[edit]
Honky received word that Chuck Berry was wrestling under the name Johnny B. Bad in World's Crappiest Wrestling, and in 1994 he made the switch from WWF to WCW to take on Johnny B Bad for a United States Television Guide Magazine. But after several confrontations over the guide, Eric Pissoff fired the Honky Tonk Man for being the worst Elvis Impersonator he'd ever seen. Honky left grinning knowing the truth, and gladly responded that Eric was the biggest douche-bag on the planet, which he did hold the title to until the award was given to Bono of U2 in 2006.
Return To WWF[edit]
Honky returned to WWF as a commentator in 1997 but sucked at the position, so he became the manager of wrestler "Bad Ass Farts" Billy Bum where Honkie insisted he change his name to CockaWilly, which the stint did not last long and changed his name back to Billy Bum then told Honkie he just sucked it as a manager. Honky was not seen in the WWF again until the following year at the Royal Fumble, where he entered the ring as participant 12,007, but was eliminated by the mannequin Head of Al "Snow" Bundy. Head went on to win the event.
Honky was not seen again in the WWF (Get The F Out) until 2001 when Honky again entered that years Foyal Fumble, and this time was eliminated by the hand that Mae Young had given birth to. Gotta hand it to Mae Young.
Indy Circuit[edit]
Honky Tonk Man decided that his wrestling carrier was at an end, and decided to peruse his second life long dream: to become a race car driver and win the Indianapolis 500. Honky placed first at the Daytona 500, 2nd at the Telledega 1200, 5th at the Collin McCray Ralley & Top Gear 2000 7th in The Tampon 200, Rad Racer 85 & Rainbow Road 64 but failed to achieve the dream of even qualifying to win the Indianapolis 500. Honky never achieved the dream because his lard was giving the car too much weight for him to finish better then 17th place.
Hall Of Famassers[edit]
In 2009 Honky attended the WWE Hall Of Shame ceremony to induct his good friend Cocoa-Pops Beware and his pig Spanky. Honky was a surprise inductor, as no one even knew the two of them even knew each other existed. Honky then smashed the award over Cocoa Pops' head in a bitter act of jealousy demanding to know why the hell Cocoa Pops was being inducted, and he wasn't. He then went on a rant about how he was the real Elvis Presley and how he faked his own death to peruse a wrestling career, and he hasn't been given a real match since 1993.
Retirement[edit]
After his outburst at the Hall Of Shame, Honky was then admitted to a nursing home in East Texas where he currently has a growth on his pecker and claims one of his African American neighbors there is actually JFK, as well of telling wild tails of an Egyptian mummy living near the place that is sucking the souls out of the residents through their assholes to feed on each night. It's a shame what being dropped on your head for 20 years can do to a guy.
External links[edit]
- Honky Tonk has a few words for his friends
- Honky Tonk on what wrong with today's wrestling
- Honky Tonk expresses his admiration for Dusty Rhodes
- Honky Tonk makes a public apology to Jake "The Snake" Roberts