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Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z *

E

• The commonest letter in the alphabet, the least common letter in alphabet soup and just one of many, many letters in alphabetti spaghetti. Hard to believe, I know. Also, the easiest letter to tap out in Morse Code, being three dashes, followed by two dots, a single dash and three further dots. Thank God for the telephone.
• A popular form of weekend entertainment.

Eargasm

• A sensation experienced when listening to good music.

Earthling

• A disparaging and politically incorrect term for Terran.
• Earthlings have two sexes, one male and the other female. Males can be recognized because they have a wormlike thing just in front of where their legs meet. It’s called a penis. It’s like our tentacles but much smaller. Females don’t have this wormlike thing. Instead they have two things called breasts on their chests. These are as wide as a tentacle but much shorter. Each sex calls the other sex the Opposite sex. Earthlings further have crazy heads. On one side is a face with two eyes a nose and a mouth. There’s fibrous stuff called hair on the other side. The eyes are fixed inside the skull, not on nice eyestalks like ours. Inside the mouth are sharp things called teeth. Remarkably Earthlings generally think their heads and faces look attractive. We should not allow ourselves to be prejudiced against Earthlings despite their bizarre appearance.

Earth

• Mostly harmless.
• A planetary nursery for infants and gods.
• Used as a dumping ground for angels.

Ease

• A fictional Cockney villain. As in Ease he does it.
• Slang name for Ecstasy tablets

Eastenders

• British TV soap used by the government to show the country how life could be a lot worse thus promoting the feel good factor.
• The opposite of Entertainment

East End, The

• Birfin' graund a' Cockernee's, sich-ew-ay-tid in Laaandaaan

Eazy E

• A short lived line of comfortable chairs made by La-Z-Boy.
• In Australia, the term "Eazy E" is used to describe a situation where anybody has sexual relations with a drug dealer for the sole benefit of free Ecstasy tablets.
• The slang word "Eazy E" is used as its commonly known that drugs dealers will take home anybody for sexual relations, & that the said drug dealer will soon OD, resulting in no living proof of the sexual relations you had, hence obtaining "E" this way is "Eazy".

Ebarfulate

• To suddenly and vehemently spew out vomit or barf from a living body in an orgasmic, jerking or involuntary motion in reaction to a particularly foul or offensive sequence of words or events - while conducting E-business. Not to be confused with iBarfulate, which is the same thing except while using an iPod.

Ebay

• A place where losers go to buy crap that is either stolen or has passed through the digestive tract of 7 different animals. The place to buy anything your mind can think of. They sell frickin' jets on Ebay!

Eco-friendly

• The act of being filthy rich while pretending to save the planet. Eco-friendly people are pricks, and if women, with fake tans and silicon boobs. Think Bono and Geldof.

Ecognomics

• Bio-degraded gnomes using calculators to spell Boobs and then applying for jobs in the World Bank.

Economic Stimulus

• Something for President Obama to create in his spare time.
• Money that's not in your pocket to spend on Jolly Ranchers.

Edelweiss

• A tool used for gripping things in Austria.

Edrivered

• The act of using construction tools to destroy a computer in a fit of rage induced by a slow loading time.

Education

• The approved method for banishing literacy and numeracy from a society.

Edumacation

• The process by which one becomes edumacated, or smarts, the achievement of which is generally marked by a gradumacation ceremony.

EEEEEEEEEEE

• The sound made by a balloon after you've blown it up and you let the air out by stretching the blowtube until it's almost closed. Coincidentally, you can get precisely the same sound by standing on a young child while holding a smallish engine from a Japanese car.

Effervescent

• The smell of a cow's undershirt.

Effluent

• Alternative name for a pachyderm for people troubled with the pronunciation of 'elephant'
• Someone who is linguistically competent in Effing

E-fit

• An uncontrollable muscular spasm caused when you discover that you've deleted your entire email inbox and you can't get it back.

Egghead

• Humpty-Dumpty, the big-headed smelly smart kid in your class or Your Mum.

Eggs Benedict

• A rare delicacy made of eggs laid by Pope Benedict XVI.

Eh

• The first, third, fourteenth and twenty second letters in the Canadian alphabet.
• Wat u say wen curfuzzled bai bad riting.

Einzelwortbeantwortungsneigung

• (Isolated word answer inclination) German for answering any and all questions with a single word.

Ejaculate

• How people in Yorkshire tell Jack he has overslept.

Eketahuna

• A mythical place (i.e. "don't you talk to your mother like that or I'll send you to Eketahuna") except that it actually exists. Eketahuna is located in the North Island on even days and the South Island on odd days, so be careful when addressing mail - although Eketahuna doesn't have any population so it would be a bit pointless sending them mail, wouldn't it?

Elbows

• Elbows were invented in 1830 as a method to get to the front of theatre queues faster, as with all English advances in the industrial revolution they were stolen by other countries and used for nefarious purposes.

Electrical

• An electrician named Al.

Electric organ

• Any organ in the human body that requires or generates electricity. Examples include the brain, the pancreas and the kneecaps Organ.

Electroluminscence

• Bane of all who study it, this complicated mechanism messes with the mind and simultaneously emits radiation. It involves electrons and levels and funny drawings, none of which are available on the internet.

Electron

• A time when users, agents and people who have been transported to a computer security program in a sentient, glowing-highlight form against their will cast ballots to see who will win and be president or something.

Elephant

• What you think of when somebody asks you to not think of an elephant.

Eleventy-One

• Old English. Translates to "eleventeen to the power of one".

Elfish

• An elf (elven) Elvis Impersonator.
• A fish from Barcelona.

Ellispe

• Ellipse-shared brace in Lisp programming language.

Elmo

• A Spanish mo. It can also mean "the mo".

Emancipation

• The process by which a man's genitals are no longer viewed as a rational argument for him to maintain his Ego. This process also entitles women to strengthen their Ego with the corresponding suitable body parts.

Embalmer

• Someone who greatly enjoys looking at/touching dead bodies. They are also known as Necrophiliacs, and have often been caught groping or embracing their patients. They usually have dark rings around their eyes, and smell strangely of pickled walnuts.

Emergency vehicle

• An emergency vehicle is any vehicle designed to create an emergency situation. Specialised equipment on board helps responders in their tasks to create even more havoc, and sirens notify other motorists that they better clear the way or be history. Emergency vehicles are usually dispatched from a centre that takes calls from an emergency telephone number. Persons who want to create emergency situations should call that number. In most countries calling this number costs nothing.

Emission

• Any clandestine mission carried out electronically, most often by a hacker. It is also just another word with E prepended to it, a fad of the dot com era's back-to-basics movement to clarificate and de-un-simplify verbiage. E-mission control laws have huge effects on digital civil liberties and may cause problems with your SUV's navigation system. Some definitions therefore imply that an emission is something that is exuded from something else (i.e. "car emissions"); alas, this is actually just a play on the well-known grooming habits of hackers.

Emorexia

A condition that causes young males to wear their little sister's jeans. If said emo kid does not have a little sister, he will buy jeans and say that they belong to a long-lost sister.

Emo Tic-Tac-Toe

An emo has obtained a victory!

• A game created by the popular band, Fall Out Boy during a cross country tour. It remains one of the most highly popular games among the Emo population, and accounts for about 35% of the Emo suicide rate, not far behind the classic hanging and popular 'Bite the Bullet' methods.

Emotion

• A small pink-dimpled mammal that lives in hedgerows. It's common knowledge that they could only be seen once by Brian/Bryan Adams and his brother Don during summer of '69 while fleeing the 3 Musketeers, Sting and Rod Stewart.

Employee

• (n) One which is enslaved by corporate policy.

Employer

• (n) The one who pays for your daytime flat-rate and coffee.

Emulate

• No, I'm early.

Encapsulate

• To put on a warm hat.
• The science of writing in capital letters.

Encyclopedia Dramatica

• Euphemism for Goatse. :Oh, some moron linked me to Encyclopedia Dramatica. It was quite shocking.
• A fetish wiki where people who masturbate to Goatse go.

Endive

• The act of leaping from a high place in order to commit suicide.

Endless cycle of life

• Life is an endless cycle unless people forget to put enough coins to operate the huge washing machine of the cosmos.

England

• Better than wherever it is that you live. So nurh.
• A country ruled by Her Majesty Queen Lizzy II.
• Where all the hotties come from. See Andy Murray.

English Channel

• In the United States: All of them, except for Univisión, Telefutura, Telemundo and those weird foreign stations on free-to-air satellite.

English driving rules

• English driving rules dictate: *The left side is the right side! *The right side is the wrong side! Follow these rules when driving in England.

English

• Language invented for nitwits.
• Language of the Gods.

Entanglement Theory

• The theory that no matter how neatly you clean up cords or wires, the next time you take them out they will be a hopelessly tangled mess.

Enter

• The Windows alias for the return key
• What you should never do in a building owned by a dentist
• What you should never do to your or any friends mothers.

Envy

• The motivating emotion that best explains most Uncyclopedia entries. See also pain and fear.

EPA

• An Anglo-Hungarian political group meaning Egor's Piano Association. They only lost by one vote. I wonder why.

Epinards

• A secret code word. If spoken correctly to a French person, a sleeper personality will take them over and you can command the sleeper personality to do anything at all that involves pastry, nougat, or nuclear terrorism. Surely, this word would be a danger to all lifekind were it not usually used to get hot French people to perform kinky nougat-pastry sex acts. If the French person looks at you funny or slaps you, you've pronounced it wrong. If they tell you it really means something about vegetables, this means they are actually not French, but rather a Green Lantern infiltrating the French hivemind.

Epoch

• A term embraced by computer geeks to mark the beginning of time within the operating system. Control of this setting neither introduces the first HG Wells'ian time machine nor gives humans the power of god, but its a pretentious enough word to garner humans a place two steps above apes.
• Twin brother of 2poch.

Ergonomic

• Ergonomics is the process by which product design is tested by being pushed up the bottom. An ergonomic product is one where the passage up the passage is as smooth as possible. If someone remarks "that looks ergonomic", this suggests they have a desire to push it "where the sun don't shine". The designers at Ikea are contractually obliged to test every product they design in this manner.

Erogeneous Zones

• Areas of a city marked out for advanced sexual development.

Error of judgement

• "A mistake" made by a politician.
• "A crime" perpetrated by ordinary voters.

Erection

• (Greek πριαπισμός, the erection)
• A painful and potentially harmful medical condition in which the erect penis (erection) does not return to its flaccid state (despite the absence of both physical and psychological stimulation). This state is usually caused by such medical miracles as Viagra, Cialis, Jared Fogle and Google.

Escalators

• Escalators are pure unadulterated evil. The proof for this is quite simple. Without escalators no local conflict would ever escalate into full scale war. The only saving grace of Escalators is that they don't commit adultery, hence why they're unadulterated evil, and not plain evil.

Etcetera

• An overused word when people run out of what to say.

Eternity

• Eternity is the amount of time a high school couple stays together.
• Eternity usually lasts about a month.

Ethanol

• The most popular route to enlightenment in western society. In the interests of keeping their citizens ignorant, most governments tax it heavily.

Ethical Orange Rhino

• Not a manifestation of Ionesco's 'Rhinoceros'in website form as it's mistaken for, but a previous stuffed toy owned by Immanuel Kant.

EULA

• End User License Agreement - the most widely presented and least read documents ever devised. These agreements, if a unilateral series of statements can be considered an agreement, are a crafted defense against the LLD (lowest litigious denominator). Detailed analysis shows that the end users only rights are to press certain keys and make certain hand motions. Should these movements result in warming of an adjacent planet, disrupt worldwide telecommunications, or cause the NASDAQ index to become an imaginary number -- the publisher of the agreement is not be held responsible in any fiduciary sense. See Paradocs, Faust, U.S. Army enlistment contract

Eunuchs

• An Operating System devised by Microsoft when they abandoned attempting to develop the US 2 Mainframe System jointly with IBM, this has since been superseded by Bollox though. Was greatly favoured by many IT Administrators though on the grounds that "It doesn't screw the mainframe".

Eurokaryotic

• Compliant with European Union regulations on chromosome number. Each species has a fixed chromosome number, (some have several), this number is called the karyotype. Genetic engineers can alter this number when creating new crop species. French farmers will be required to plant entirely eurokaryotic crops from 2010.

European Space Agency

• The Nazi division of NASA. Run by the French for some reason.

Europe

• The shit-hole of the world...also a crappy band. You pull Europe and I'll pull myrope and maybe we can lift this iron curtain so we can see out the window. Although others might see innuendo...

Euthanasia

• A term used for Asian kids.

Evans

• Welsh tribe, derived from the occupation of elevator engineer.
• Mild Cockney expletive, as in Evans Above!

Eve

• Biblical owner of the first ever Vagina (Aborigina).

Eve Bomb

• Along with the Adam Bomb, one of the two original bombs cast out of the Garden of Eden.

EverQuest

• An MMORPG (acronym meaning Massively Multiplayer Online Really Pointless Game) in which one seeks to acquire "crack" and "choo" in order to "LOADING, PLEASE WAIT..." EverQuest has been a successful MMORPG since the beginning of time, when the world was still a bunch of flat patterned planes stuck together in which early neanderthals were forced to discover the power of /rewind in order to survive. Your faction standing with Sony Online Empire's Nonexistant GMs has gotten worse!

Everybody Dies

• The popular children's book that explains the mechanics of death. The book is well known for its strange pictures and length of 20 billion pages. The book has spawned two sequels, Everybody Goes To Hell, and Everybody, In Actuality, Are Blue Hedgehogs.

Everything nice

• (n.) One of the three elements of which gals are made; see also sugar, spice. The proportion of everything nice relative to the other two elements determines whether a gal is mostly naughty or nice. This information is invaluable to Santa Claus, who brings in enough money just from lads offering millions of dollars for one peek at the famous naughty list to be able to afford to hire elves and buy toys for spoiled brats around the world every Christmas.

Evolution

• Evolution lets you:

Ridicule people with Faith.

Look good with your friends.

Be master (misteress) of your own density.

Be right, even if it hurts.

50% faster nihilism than Religion.

Laugh at life. Take the next step, choose Evolution. Because where would we be without thumbs.

• Clefairy evolves into Clefable when exposed to the Moonstone.

Exacerbation

• Exercise through masturbation. Burn 120 calories an hour!

Exactly

• (pronounced egs-hacked-lee)
• Commonly refers to the event in which a small group of eggs hacked some guy called lee and stole his bank information. The whereabouts of these eggs is currently unknown but the police forces of Mordor, lead by Chuck Norris, are undergoing a full search for the culprits.

Exaggeration

• Simply the most important thing in the universe.

Excellent

• A word used to describe the "goodness" of something... Only it is better than good. In reality it is great, but even great does not even begin to describe the goodness of the word excellent. To truly understand the true meaning of excellent think of the coolest good thing in the world, multiply that by 100. That does not even begin to describe the greatness of excellent. In summary, the word excellent is really really really good... Only better.

Exception

• Pertains to the case that defies a rule for any existing rule. As this is also a rule, then this is also the exception to that rule, but is itself an exception to its very own rule.

"To every rule, there is an exception." <- if this is a rule, then there should be an exception to it, right?"

Exclusive

• Exclusive, particularly when referring to media such as music, or musical performances, is another term for "sucks". Anything labelled as "exclusive" actually sucks. When applied to newspaper stories (especially tabloids), this means the article is completely made up of lies and fiction.

Excretory system

• The excretory system is a set of organs that humans use to communicate. Also, it is a sort of projectile weapon (see: shooting shit). There are some who, mistakenly, believe it is a method by which human beings remove toxins and waste from their bodily systems. This is because they believe, also mistakenly, in linear time.

Excuse

• A form of retroactive permission.

Exma

• The language spoken by the people who live in Exmoor, Devon. Involves a lot of wheezing and pointing at things.

Exploding Wales

• Exploding Wales is when Jimbo of Wikipedia explodes. Associated environmental dangers include massive spillage of objectivist philosophy. Exploding wales may also refer to the so-called IRA which some believe to have actually operated from Wales. In fact they had nothing to do with Ireland at all and instead were a bunch of mad, violent and sadistic Welshmen angry at not being able to play rugby despite the most intense training in rugby history.

Explosive fruit

• Certain rare fruit has evolved the ability to explode. This deters animals from eating the yummy fruits. The only known explosive fruit is the Monday. Pineapple is also explosive. By law, grocery stores may only sell defused Mondays and pineapples, but travelling fruit salesmen have no such restriction. The worst recorded incident of fruit detonation occurred in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on February 12, 1952 (called "Mauve Tuesday" for some reason), when a truck full of live Mondays was hijacked by a man claiming to be Steve Jobs (which doesn't make sense because he hadn't been born yet) and subsequently rammed at high speed into an oncoming metaphor. The resulting explosion not only levelled a major freeway but also caused irreparable damage to the English language. Subsequently, legislation was introduced in Congress which would have outlawed the trade of explosive food or condiments of any sort within the continental United States, but the bill was reported missing presumed dead before even making it out of committee (it is speculated that the legislation was eaten by Senator Strom Thurmond).

Exsists

• The removal of a sister (or sistah) from a family (or hood) 2. The sisters (or sistah's) that have been removed

Ex

• That asshole who just dumped you.

Extra Slutty Olive Oil

• You know, sometimes people just don't want all the purity of Extra Virgin Olive Oil. No, some people prefer their olive oil tart and well-travelled, if you know what I mean.

Extreme Marketing

• Similar to marketing.
• The process by which a team of suits decides the best way to sell and advertise a product to those demographics which generally buy it. The difference between marketing and Extreme Marketing, though, is that Extreme Marketing is done by a team of suits that is completing a "fakie ollie to nosegrind", biking up a cliff, or abseiling off a 30000ft cliff.

Eyepatch

• Eyepatches were pieces of cloth put over an pirate's eye, commonly used on their first day with the hook.