Digimon
Digimon is a Japanese media franchise designed to rip off both Tamagotchi and Pokemon and make Bandai and the figurine factories a lot of money. Or maybe not; some believe it's a psychological exploration of childhood internet and video game addiction, a representation of the Buddhist concept of illusory nature of life dhamma, or as the greatest trans humanist manifesto to hit America from Japan since Transformers. The franchise is best known for a series of exploitation TV serials where a number of teenagers are thrown into the Digital World of colourful talking monsters, where they walk across the internet of the 90's on Webabout, to find strength on their neo shamanic ritualistic passage into adulthood with the help of their spirit guides, while overcoming their own angsty teen issues, which are in no way connected to their late night gaming and web browsing. Digimon are able to turn into other Digimon through a process called "digivolving" which involves absorbing tons of digital data for it to work, explaining why dial-up and broadband connections are always so slow.
History of the pokeDigimon
Legend tells that Bandai bought the company from Tron in the 90's, developing the Digital World and a method of converting children into electricity. Sadly, Digimon aren't nearly as cuddly as Pokemon, what with their philosophical wangst, so they lost, and the Digital World had to be rebooted and re branded by the time Bandai was purchased by Seto Kaiba in the 2000's.
Differences between Digimon and Pokemon
The primary digi-difference between Digimon and Pokemon is:
- All the Digimon's names ends with "Mon".
- The fact that they are more likely to snuggle unlike Pokemon.
- They have the ability to Talk.
- They have more Awesome Evolutions.
- They can turn back into their original forms (Once you get a Muk, you're never getting back your adorable Grimer!)
- They never die, just turn back into digi-eggs, which can be made into a digi-omelet. It's a digi-murder.
- They have personality traits beyond just wanting to fight.
- The kids in the story can become Digimon.
- The Digivice replaces the Pokedex.
Seasons
- Digimon Adventure - The original series aired in 1999. Seven children, Tai, Matt, Sora, Izzy, Mimi, Joe, and T.K., who are sent to a rehabilitation camp. They receive the Tamagotchi Digivices and unwillingly transported to the Digital World, a really old version of the Internet with only one cat video on it and no unicode. Teaming up with their Digimon partners Agumon, Gabumon, Biyomon, Tentomon, Palmon, Gomamon, and Patamon, the kids learn they are the Digidestined who will save the Internet from evil Digimon. These include the Devil, Elvis Presley, a sexy vampire, a gay clown, and Apocalymon, a dissatisfied pizza enthusiast.
- Digimon Adventure 02 - The direct follow up to the first season. The original children are too old to do anything, so a new group of kids are wheelbarrowed in to pick up the slack. Plots involved the invasion of the Digimon Emperor, the haunted abandoned set of Baywatch, several new gimmicks when Digimon fusion dance together into new forms, and guest stars Tommy Wiseau as a creepy stalker who really likes kids.
- Digimon Tamers - This season took on a more realistic style, because the executives wanted it to be more "edgier". They got what they asked for. A Gollum-voiced dinosaur obsessed with bread doubles as the embodiment of nuclear armageddon, the comic relief villain transforms into a psychotic biker who murders Leomon, causing one character to have a mental breakdown and another to go temporarily insane with rage. A computer virus called the D-Reaper eats Tokyo, providing monsters stolen straight out of Lovecraft's garbage.
- Digimon Frontier - Handled entirely by the producers of Power Rangers where the children become the Digimon. Talking trains, irritating sidekicks, a giant evil rabbit, camp knights, and a lot of shouting rounded out this series.
- Digimon Data Squad - A return to form featuring a different Agumon who may have chewed broken glass to get the role. The main character Marcus punches everyone in the show, even his own mother and sister.
- Digimon Fusion - The most recent series split into three parts. Essentially Digimon meets Final Fantasy, involving conquering different lands. Digivolution is completely thrown out the window in favour of Lego-esque fusions. The last three episode dealt with big amounts of fan service with many past characters returning returning to fight the remnants of Adam Sandler's Pixels movie.
- Digimon Adventure Tri - A return to the original cast taking place three years after the second season. The 02 cast are all killed off screen by Sequelitis, leaving Tai and co. to pick up the story.
CHARACTERS
Adventure 01
| Tai Kamiya | Gogglehead #1, in desperate need of a haircut, held the Crest of Courage. A bit of a moron, running into situations hair-first, but mended his ways after nearly getting killed by an electric fence. Likes to be the dominant one in all his friendships. May or may not have had a crush on Sora depending on which fanboys you ask, but definitely had a thing with both Matt and Davis. Gained teen angst in Adventure Tri when he realised his pets were destroying Tokyo. |
| Matt Ishida
|
The cool guy, lone wolf, also in need of a haircut, held the Crest of Friendship. Very cautious, protective of T.K., and has a lot of angsty issues. Parents are divorced. Often picked a fight with Tai despite being lovers, and he plays a sick tune on his harmonica. |
| Sora Takenouchi | Not that Sora! Tomboy who wore a bowl on her head, held the Crest of Love. Kinda nuts about love and friendship, and played Tai and Matt off against one another, though she gets with Matt since he had neater hair. Spends the whole series whining about her anti-girly-girlness but becomes a girly-girl nonetheless. Tai once threw up in her hat. |
| Koushiro "Izzy" Izumi | Computer genius, Mr. Exposition, held the Crest of Knowledge. Short but smart kid, had a romantic relationship with laptop but has since dumped her for Mimi. Survived a lobotomy from a creepy alien. Orphaned but he's alright with it. Essentially Spock as a redhead. |
| Mimi Tachikawa | The definitive valley girl until that chick from Legally Blonde came along. Has a cowboy hat glued to her head, held the Crest of Sincerity. Came off as a bit of a whinypants, but is kind, honest, and a pacifist. Shattered glass whenever she spoke but can carry a tune. Dyed her hair every few episodes in the second season as per American law. |
| Joe Kido | Looks like a young, blue-haired Woody Allen, team dad, held the Crest of Reliability. Very neurotic and had a breakdown every few episodes, but perhaps the ballsiest of the Digidestined. Killed Gozer the Gozerian, wrestled a unicorn, and tried to kill MegaSeadramon. Becomes a doctor and a master of using toilet roll as bandages. |
| Takeru "T.K." Takaishi | The token kid, Matt's little brother, held the Crest of Hope. He is your basic exciteable eight-year old and somehow not traumatised by anything until four years later. Best known for punching out the Digimon Emperor. |
| Kari Kamiya | The eighth child, Tai's little sister, held the Crest of Light. Joined the gang a little later like she is the Green Power Ranger. Purely good and absolutely flawless, worshipped by Digimon as a queen for some reason. |
| Agumon | Nasal-voiced dinosaur, also known as "Not-Charmander". Likes burning Tai's things. His baby form Koromon wants to suck Tai's blood. Digivolves into Christosaurus rex. |
| Gabumon | A wolf/lizard thingy who wears his fur like a jacket and speaks in a hippie voice. Hates being seen naked. Digivolves into The Wolf Man. |
| Biyomon | Pink bird. Also nuts about love and friendship. Affectionately attached to Sora's leg most of the time. Digivolves into Birdramon. |
| Tentomon | A talking labybird who served as Izzy's straight man. Digivolves into Mothra. |
| Palmon | The steady roots in Mimi's wacky life. Doubled as a dominatrix, having whips for weapons, and then digivolved into a giant cactus wearing boxing gloves. |
| Gomamon | Famous singing seal. Has an army of fish at his disposal, and digivolve into a giant walrus. |
| Patamon | A bat-winged mouse critter who is "Non-Pikachu". Kinda useless until he digivolves into Angemon. Died fighting Devimon but came back from the dead like Jesus. Coincidence? |
| Gatomon | Ceiling Cat Goddess who worked for Myotismon til she had an identity crisis. Revealed to be Kari's Digimon partner but was misplaced because Gennai is a moron. Best friends with Wizardmon, who got blasted off the Odaiba TV Station by Snape. She digivolves into Angewomon and sniped Myotismon with a well-aimed spitwad. Makes cat puns for the rest of the show. |
Season Two
Davis Motomiya - The main gogglehead of this season, Davis is a clone of Tai only his hair is short and his ego is through the roof. He even stole Tai's trademark goggles. Very annoying but likeable, Davis has a huge crush on Kari and often gets TK's name wrong. He is partnered with Veemon, a Sonic the Hedgehog lookalike who has a wacky voice, and introduced the Armour Evolution into the series, which is basically the Champion-level but you use Digieggs to make the evolution happen. Davis eventually opens a noodle cart at the end of the series and marries Veemon.
Yolei Inoue - The token tomboy girl with glasses. She wears a helmet on her head and she has a family of cardboard cut-outs. She likes to rip off other characters like Izzy and has her own catchphrase "Perfecto". For a brief time she becomes a lesbian with Mimi, but ends up marrying Ken of all people. Her partner is Hawkmon whose gender remains a mystery.
Cody Hida - The short, quiet and sensible kid, Cody knows kendo. He pretty much sucks the fun out of everything when he enters a room but we love him anyway. His father died of plot exposition, and he lives with his grandfather who gets drunk on prune juice. His dad was friends with Oikawa. Cody's partner is a Texan-accented armadillo named Armadillomon, who digivolves into Digmon who makes too many puns on his drills, a submarine(!), an ankylosaurus, and fuses with Angemon to become Shakkoumon the Teapot.
Ken Ichijoji - The angst character, Ken starts off as the Super Sentai villain Digimon Emperor who rules the Digital World like a crybaby. He has nice clothes, though. After having a nervous breakdown and gaining bland clothes, Ken becomes good over time. His brother Sam was hit by a car. Ken was used by Myotismon to test his drugs called Dark Spores that turn people crazy and evil for fun. He is partnered with Wormmon who suffers a lot and sort of commits suicide halfway through the series, but comes back later on.
The Original Digidestined - The eight original kids and their Digimon appear as supporting characters, although TK and Kari have big roles. TK now sports a hat and kicks Ken's ass, whilst Kari's personality changes every episode. Matt becomes a rock star and marries Sora, much to Tai's and the fanbase's sadness, Mimi moves to New York just in time for Cloverfield to occur again, Joe becomes a doctor and Izzy gets taller.
BlackWarGreymon - A clone of WarGreymon, as all heroes need evil clones. He is emo most of the time and eventually kills himself by flying in the air.
Yukio Oikawa - The major villain of the series, although he is really Myotismon's toy. Having a fetish for purple and looking like a dead Keith Richards, Oikawa wishes to go to the Digital World by means of brainwashing little kids with drugs. He used Ken to test the Dark Spores, and created the phallic Dark Spires to break down the barrier between Earth and the Digital World. He is murdered by Myotismon, then turns into a flock of butterflies to guard the Digital World.
Arukenimon and Mummymon - Oikawa's henchmen. A creepy pedophilic spider woman and a lovesick mummy, these two are Team Rocket's arch nemesises. Capable of appearing in human form, the two hang out together and drive around in a motorcar. The two are eventually killed by MaloMyotismon, Arukenimon explodes after being eaten by Myotismon's many mouths and Mummymon is melted down by red streamers.
Tamers
Takato Matsuki : He never payed attention in school; he would always just draw random pictures of dinosaurs. That's bad, right? Actually, he gets his very own digimon out of it. That just shows kids that if you don't pay attention in class, you can get a dinosaur!! He's really young, and goes to the digital world for some reason.
Jenrya Lee (Henry)Takato's Seme : He is Chinese and the smart one of the group. Stereotype, much? Henry tries throughout the season to be a main character, but is thwarted by Takato at every turn.
Rika Makino: She's an emo girl with a t-shirt with a broken heart on it. The first 9 episodes, she is seen reading Twilight books. She eventually starts to battle with her trusty pal Renamon (I could throw some furry joke in here, but I'm going to take the high road). Near the end of the series, Breaking Dawn came out, and she became a recluse yet again.
Jeri Kato : She whines A LOT. She keeps complaining for a long time, and eventually gets a digimon! But, Beelzemon quickly kills it afterward. Terriermon eventually kills her in a fit of wanton rage.
Beelzemon : His name is a clever wordplay on "Beelzebub". Yes, that's the word they use in the Wayne's World song. Anyway, he spends the first part of the series as an annoying arsonist with a bad Brooklyn accent. He then makes a deal with the devil and becomes immensely stronger/eviler. From there, he starts killing many digimon, but quickly realizes that all he ever wanted to be was a Greaser. He finds a motorcycle and begins his dream. Soon afterward, he meets up with the Digipals. He starts his Fonzie impersonation, but Leomon critiques his performance. As a result, he fuckin kills Leomon. Later, he finds an arm gun, grows a pair of wings, and is suddenly cool.
Calumon : This thing is way too adorable. I mean, even adorable for anime. Anyway, it turns out to be a pretty big plot influence. The triangles on his head oddly match the triangles on Guilmon. Was there a little digi affair there? You digitell me. Anyway, you never find out whether Calumon is a digi-boy or a digi-girl, but it doesn't really digi-matter.
Terriermon : Basically, he's a bunny WITH A HORN! As he digivolves, he gets an insane amount of ammunition. He later becomes massive, like a transformer, and can measure up to the highest skyscraper in the city. He is the "funny bunny" of the group and is always around to say "momentai" whenever needed. Nobody thinks his phrase is funny or relevant at all. This is how he digivolves:
Testicles --> A blob with spikes --> Rabbit who tells good jokes --> Gunbunny --> Gundam --> Transformer
Renamon : Renamon is pretty awesome at what she does, but is constantly demoralized by horny furry perverts. She is one of the only clear female digimon, thus explaining her huge "fanbase". She's a fox that wear gloves. Crazy, right? As a rookie digimon, she has the strength of a mega level, but no one really seems to care. After Rika abandons her at the end of the series, she has sought
out and killed over 500,000 (and counting) of her perverted fans, leaving six billion of them still alive.
This is how she digivolves:
Adorable --> Furry --> A better Ninetales --> A Priestess --> Armoured human with a pointy stick
Guilmon : He's a dino-digimon, but he acts more like a dog-digimon. You know, if dogs could digi-talk. He's red and has triangles all over his body, thus he is one of the strongest Digimon. Triangles are wicked strong. Being a digimon, Guilmon does not know the difference between good and bad.
This is how he digivolves:
Adorable --> Guilmon --> Giant dinosaur that somehow has hair --> Robot Dinosaur ---> retarded jouster with a shield
|
|---> Fucking awesome Evil Snake Dinosaur
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|---> Your Grandmother
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|---> Michael Jackson (R.I.P.)
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|---> A better digimon
Frontier
Digimon Frontier has six main characters, who can shapeshift into Digimon, tossing three seasons worth of rules out the window. The Digimon evolution line is also scrapped in favour of "human" and "beast" forms which are accessed via "Slide Evolution". It can make your head hurt.
Takuya Kanbara - Gogglehead #4, Takuya also wears a hat and has a lot of built-up anger, as he screams a lot and shouts when talking to the others. He transforms into Agunimon, a horny monkey man who screams even more than Takuya does.
Koji Minamoto - Resident emo and angsty guy for no reason. Becomes more of a nice guy but never really gets over his unnecessary angst. He fittingly becomes Lobomon, a wolf man with lightsabers.
JP Shibayama - An obese kid in a jumpsuit. He is the only one in the group with a brain, and transforms into Beetlemon who kills enemies with popular rock songs.
Tommy Himi - Short annoying whiny kid who wears a big hat. He transforms into badass polar bear Kumamon.
Zoe Orimoto - An Italian-Japanese girl whose too attractive for her own good. She often says Italian words just to remind the audience where she is from. She transforms into Kazemon, also called Kickassmon.
Koichi Kimura - Koji's brother who was separated at birth for some reason. He turned evil after falling down a staircase, becoming Duskmon who did a lot of brooding. After turning good, he transformed into Lowemon.
Bokomon - A bossy but smart brainiac who is married to a book.
Neemon - Comic relief and retard who sounds like an old woman who downed a glass of gravel.
Seraphimon, Ophanimon and Cherubimon - The three protectors of the Digital World. Cherubimon turned evil, killed the other two and did evil stuff. The three return as the lovable Patamon, Salamon and Lopmon.
Grumblemon - Spirit of Earth, Grumblemon is a big-nosed moron who no speak proper English. His temper is as short as he is, and he wields a big sledgehammer. He can digivolve into Gigasmon, who looks like a deformed hotdog. He is killed by JP.
Arbormon - Spirit of Wood. The dumb guy who sounds like Sylvester Stallone. He digivolves into Petaldramon. He was raped and killed by Duskmon.
Ranamon - Spirit of Water. Ranamon is a strange demented mermaid who thinks she is pretty, and speaks in a southern accent, so watch out y'all. She digivolves into the hideous Calmaramon who looks like Anne Robinson on a good day. She has her ass kicked by Zoe.
Mercurymon - Spirit of Steel. This mirror-faced villain speaks in thy medieval accent, and is very good at it. Thou is very good at speaking like a posh twat and acts like one too. Mercurymon kidnapped Seraphimon's spirit and turned it into an evil version. He can digivolve into Sakkakumon, a thing. He is smoted by Takuya through screaming.
Duskmon - Spirit of Darkness. Darth Vader's cousin, Duskmon is a brooding person who questions his existence. He has a pair of lightsabers and can shoot laserbeams out of the various eyes on his body. He can digivolve into Velgemon, a giant scary bird. He is Koichi's evil form.