Shadow the Hedgehog

"I carry around guns... and yet I've become so nummmmmmb."

Shadow the Hedgehog is a fictional antihero in the Sonic the Hedgehog video game series. He is a genetically-engineered lifeform combining the DNA of Sonic and Wolverine, as well as Sonic's emo, hover-booted evil double, not to be confused with Sonic's robotic, hover-booted evil double Metal Sonic. Shadow is often confused for his blue heroic counterpart, despite the fact that he's black with red stripes, has a white fur patch on his chest, has red eyes, is more inclined towards evil at times, uses guns, drives a motorcycle, and possibly shoots up black tar. He would also prefer for his nickname to be "The Ultimate Lifeform", but Sonic has quickly established it as being "Faker" or "Edgy the Hedgy".

Shadow was created fifty years before a certain period in time by Prof. Gerald Robotnik with the assistance of false prophet Black Doom, as part of the Weapon 32X program. The Lord commanded Prof. Gerald to create a force of good, but as God was drinking heavily at the time, that force instead turned out to be a prick. Once Shadow had caused much destruction onboard the Space Colony ARK, the government came and sealed him away in a stasis pod.

Shadow was introduced in the Book of Adventures II (2001), where he was awakened by Dr. Eggman. Some hated him. Others loved him. But on average, everybody agreed that black and red is the universally established warpaint of He Who Is Not to Be Messed With. He proved so badass, in fact, that he took center stage in the Book of Emo (2005). This year alone, Shadow has cost Sonic Team $5.98 billion in property damages.

Characteristics

Chaos Glare!

Initially conceived as a true badass, Shadow had the best expectation of any God's creations. He was black and red, he had white furry chest hair, he never ran, instead he skated with hover shoes, and best off all, he was able to beat the crap out of Sonic. In short, he was every fangirl's dream. His hobbies include committing felonies for absolutely no reason, and looking for that damn fourth Chaos Emerald.

Shadow has many, many abilities. He is immortal and practically invulnerable; he has fallen through the Earth's atmosphere at least once. His incredible durability and stamina also make it almost impossible for him to get drunk or stoned, which could explain why he's such a miserable emo bastard all the time. And after extensive testing, he has turned out to be immune to all known viruses and STDs.

However, Chaos Control is Shadow's most well-known ability, giving him the ability to teleport to any place on the planet. Shadow can also perform Chaos Blast, and then there's Chaos Spear. He also has a collection of other abilities, which include other attacks preceded by the verb 'Chaos', riding motorcycles, weapon expertise and constantly glaring at people without ever getting a headache. All of these abilities are fuelled by his ridiculous level of bling ⁠— the Inhibitor Rings on his wrists and ankles, and the Chaos Emerald he often pulls from nowhere. All this goes to show that as well as being a sex offender, Shadow also has aspirations of becoming a pimp.

It was once believed that by getting all seven Chaos Emeralds together, Shadow would become Super Shadow, a godlike being who was just the biggest prick you ever met. However, this has been proven inaccurate multiple times, and it turns out that Super Shadow is considerably less of a jerk than regular Shadow.

Background

Early life

Shadow was born 50 years ago onboard the Space Colony ARK. His father was Prof. Gerald Robotnik, his older sister was the ever-sickly Maria Robotnik, and his cousin was the young Ivo Robotnik. Nobody's quite sure who his mother was, but the implications are unfortunate, considering Maria was born with NIDS.

The Lord commanded Prof. Gerald to create a creature to equal Sonic in speed and abilities, as well as be a yin to Sonic's yang. God was drinking heavily at the time and he did not realize the consequences of his actions. False prophet Black Doom assisted Gerald in creating Shadow, but departed shortly after, leaving Gerald to care for Shadow all on his own. It was soon revealed that Shadow was an unruly creature with a foul mouth to boot, and he — along with his older brother, the Biolizard — caused much destruction on the ARK.

When Shadow was just a few weeks old, G.U.N. (the government) came along to arrest Prof. Gerald and pick him and Maria up. As the two made a break for it, one of the guards held his pistol up and accidentally fired at Maria, when he was aiming for Shadow. In his escape pod, Shadow watched Maria as she died, and she made him promise that he would make people happy whether they liked it or not. This tragedy fuelled a life-long resentment towards The Man. This proved to be a massive problem for The Man, since Shadow is immortal, ageless, and pretty much indestructible.

After Shadow crash-landed on Earth, G.U.N. found his body and delivered it to Prof. Gerald's cell on Prison Island. Yes, for some reason, the GOVERNMENT let a MENTALLY UNSTABLE HOMICIDAL MAN continue work on a POTENTIAL WMD. This wasn't to last, as Gerald died after slipping on a bar of soap in the prison showers. Shadow was then passed through a series of foster homes, none of which could handle his abilities to teleport, blow things up, or run at the speed of sound. Left with no other choice, God commanded G.U.N. to seal Shadow inside a stasis pod, not to be opened until Armageddon.

Book of Adventures II

The Book of Adventures II, shown here.

50 years later, Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik, the grandson of Prof. Gerald, learns of the creation of Shadow through his grandfather's diary. Deliberately defying God's will, Eggman sets forth to free Shadow and bring about the end of the world. Shadow, emerging from his deep slumber, swears revenge on the world for the death of Maria. Along with a suggestive bat thief name Rouge, the villains collect the seven Chaos Emeralds and use them to unleash the power of the Heavenly Eclipse Cannon.

Once the cannon is activated, it is revealed that Gerald had reprogrammed the ARK so it would crash into Earth and wipe out "all you ungrateful humans, who took everything away from [him]." Eggman and Rouge realize that the ARK crashing into Earth will kill them, so they reluctantly team up with Sonic and friends to get to the cannon's core and neutralize it. Shadow initially refuses to participate, but randomly realizes that Maria wanted him to help humanity, not destroy it. Whoops.

Shadow then rushes down to the cannon's core, and him and Sonic jack off and turn Super Sayian. They use their Chaos Control to defeat a giant lizard and put the ARK back in the Earth's orbit. Unfortunately, Shadow used up all his energy during the ordeal, and fell to Earth in a fiery blaze, presumed dead.

Book of Heroes

However, that was not the last of the black and red hedgehog. The Lord felt sorry for the little guy. He decided that being one of his creations and as a reward for saving the Earth, Shadow would get another chance. The Lord wiped Shadow's memories clean, so he would remember nothing of his past, and could start anew.

God had a new plan for Shadow though. He sent Rouge the Bat along with E-123 Omega to partner with Shadow, thus creating Team Dark. Sonic and all the other unimportant characters created their own teams as well. They all went off to fight Eggman, who was actually Metal Sonic in disguise. They beat his shiny metal ass all the way from here to Pakistan. But not before Omega and Rouge discussed, Shadow being a clone of a robot. As if that makes sense.

After completing their mission, Team Dark had a threesome (an anatomical impossibility considering that E-123 Omega is a machine, Rouge the Bat is indeed a bat, and perhaps most perplexing of all, is the fact that Shadow has no genitalia of any kind so to speak). God saw this abomination and he lay a curse upon Shadow. He allowed Shadow's memories to start returning to him, but God also destroyed any memories of who Shadow truly was. This made Shadow extremely confused, and would be the start of the motorcycle-riding, gun-trotting, angst-filled Book of Emo.

Book of Emo

Shadow the Hedgehog, showing off his badassery!

God giveth Shadow guns, motorcycles, and badass Chaos abilities. With his new gifts, Shadow would be able to "doeth whatever he damn well please", or so said the Lord. However, there was one slight problem, Shadow was unable to understand even the most basic concepts, such as: Who he was, the difference between a hedgehog and an android, Maria, who he was, who everyone else was, the difference between good and evil, who he was, and did I mention, who he was?

During this time, the false prophet Black Doom returned to Earth, along with an army of politically-incorrect "Black Aliens". Black Doom told Shadow to collect the seven Chaos Emeralds for him. Shadow agreed, knowing full well that if he didn't, there would be no point in playing the game. He helped Black Doom and did everything he said, but somehow Shadow got sidetracked and he started helping G.U.N. as well. Eventually, he even began helping the villainous Dr. Eggman. In the end, Shadow had helped Black Doom, G.U.N., Eggman, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Charmy, Espio, Vector, the ghost of Maria, and a giraffe. At one point, Shadow even thought he might be an android. He was going to cut himself open to find out, but he later decided against it, figuring everyone would take it as proof that he is emo.

Then, over a series of months (days? Hours maybe? Shadow doesn't have a good perception of time), Shadow finally collected the final Chaos Emerald. He then brought them to Black Doom who used them warp his comet down to earth. Then he transforms into the newest incarnation of Satan, known as Devil Doom. Shadow did battle with Devil Doom, and although he was triumphant, the Black Comet of Sephiroth has already managed to land on Earth. Shadow used his Chaos Control to teleport the comet into space and use the Eclipse Cannon to destroy it (but he also did it cause explosions kick ass). It was at this point that Shadow vowed to let go of his past, and never deal with this bullcrap ever again.

The theme song of this book, "I Am All of Me", is rumored to be a metaphor for Shadow's inner struggle against heroin addiction.

Book of '06 Horrors

We don't talk about it. Probably because Shadow kills you if you do. But we'll tell you anyway! The entire game went something like this. Shadow has now joined G.U.N. and become a dirty cop, feeding information to the commander while dealing drugs on side. Shadow runs to get Rouge. "C'mon Rouge!" Shadow yells. Rouge comes. "Oh no! Eggman's guard robot!" Shadow yells. Eggman's guard robot comes. Shadow fights Eggman's guard robot. Then they go to a castle for some reason. "We are at the castle!" Shadow yells. "Oh no! I dropped the Scepter!" Rouge yells. "Teehee! I am Mephiles!" Mephiles screams. "I don't like you!"

Then Mephiles pulls out a ball and shoots Shadow and Rouge with it. "Oh no! We are in the future!" Shadow yells. Then they find Sonic, and he's also in the future. "Chaos Emerald!" Rouge yells. "Don't touch it!" Shadow yells, then they get into a fight. After that, they all go back to the past, except for Shadow, 'cause he saw Mephiles. "Will you be my friend? :D" Mephiles yelled. "No!" Shadow yelled. Then they fought, and Omega came for no reason. Then they went back to the past. Then some stuff happened, and Silver came. Then he fought Shadow. "You're a meanie bo beanie!" Silver yelled.

Then they go back in time and meet Princess Elise's dad. Then there was an explosion, and her dad tried to shield himself with Elise. Then Mephiles was a pile of goo. Then Shadow caught Mephiles. Then Shadow went back to the future. Then he went to a desert. "It's hot here!" Shadow yelled. Then he fought Mephiles. "Wanna be my friend now? :D" Mephiles yelled. Then he beat up Shadow. Then Shadow got superpowers and beat up Mephiles. Then the game ended. Except there was an extra story, but I never unlocked it.

Relationships

Sonic the Hedgehog

The consequences of spending any time at all with Shadow.

Shadow is often considered to be the main rival of Sonic the Hedgehog. This could have to do with their apparently equal speed and strength, or it may have to do with how Sonic constantly challenges Shadow to Poker tournaments and Shadow is forced to forfeit the game thanks to being in prison.

Many fans believe Sonic and Shadow are deeply in love. This is obviously based on how whenever Sonic is arrested — which happens more often than you would think — they spend considerable time together as cellmates. But this is a total fabrication; while Sonic and Shadow sometimes work together in the games, whenever they have to spend 23 hours in a cell together, they spend all their time trying to kill each other. Shadow displays great resentment for the way that Sonic Team won't come up with bail for him but still does so for Sonic.

Shadow has never shown any particular interest in Sonic, his most common statement on the matter being "I don't swing that way." However, this does not stop him from trying to kill Sonic. On the other hand, Sonic doesn't seem that concerned as to how he's spending an awful lot of time hanging around with a convicted criminal.

Amy Rose

Amy Rose first met Shadow on Prison Island, when breaking Sonic out of prison with the help of Tails. She pounced him furiously, confusing him for Sonic (she needs to get her eyes checked). This angered Shadow, and Amy was nearly disposed of by Eggman were it not for Tails randomly dropping from the sky in his mech. Shadow and Amy's next encounter was on the ARK, where she once again intruded on his personal space. Shadow endured this by hallucinating Maria in her place.

In a more recent event of reckless property damage and first-degree-murder, during the Book of Emo, Shadow helped Amy escape through a Ghost Castle belonging to Dr. Eggman, and to find her high-voiced friend Cream, apparently for the sole pleasure of having her stare at his ass all night. She then assisted him in a battle against Eggman's worst-built robot ever, the Egg Dealer. After defeating the Egg Dealer, Shadow attempted to kill Amy, but found that since he'd been tripping all night, he just teleported randomly somewhere else. Some viewers think Shadow and Amy have given up on each other, but their constant loving glances in every other game imply they're still looking to spread their legs before Sonic gets his act together.

Rouge the Bat

And you can see why.

“I keep putting up bail-money, and he keeps staying the night. Now who's the whore?”

~ Rouge

Shadow first met Rouge when him and Eggman were plotting to take over the world, and made a fair attempt to seduce her. It failed. Later, he saved her life from Prison Island blowing up, and tried to seduce her again, this time making a more serious attempt. Once again, he failed.

Rouge has repeatedly come up with Shadow's bail-money and has occasionally helped him to break out of prison. Consequently, Shadow spends a lot of time at her brothel, Club Rouge. There, he spends his time hiding out from the cops and presumably failing to have sex with her, although nobody has the slightest doubt that he's still trying.

Silver the Hedgehog

Shadow has threatened to kill Silver on multiple occasions. Silver really should try to take this less personally. The first time they met, in the Book of Horrors, Shadow beat Silver to a bloody pulp, and kicked him in the head. Silver walked away with mild bruising and an inexplicable knowledge that Chaos Control could be used to travel through time. It's the only good thing that happened in the Book of Horrors, so it's a shame that WHAT BOOK?! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BOOK OF HORRORS!

Some people think Silver is Shadow's son from the future. Some think he isn't. Everybody else doesn't care. This could be related to how the telekinetic Silver has a massive bush of white fur on his chest similar to Shadow's, or it may have more to do with how he is currently the defendant in 287 sexual harassment lawsuits.