Bananadine
“I like nothing better than to, like, blaze a fat Banana, man”
Believe it or not, Bananas (Musa acuminata) do contain a small quantity of "bananadine" (Benzenedicarboxylic acid, or whatever it's called) which is a naturally occurring psychoactive substance, that is secreted in the vascular tissues of the epicarp. In other words, banana peels make you zoinked.
When smoked, the user[1] may, or may not, find themself transported to another galaxy (or the bathroom floor) and feel an overwhelming sense of euphoria and well-being similar to that of kitten huffing.
The consumption of bananadine is an important practice in the religion of Bananism, as well as in the cultures of some African tribes such as the Linux people (no, not the operating system).
While under the influence, its effects can be neutralised by consuming onionin (onion juice), or by repeatedly singing Country Roads by John Denver.
History[edit]
Origin[edit]
During the 60s, a hippie by the name of Ray Comfort decided it would be a good idea to smoke an old banana that was laying around in his Volkswagen van.
What happened next will surprise you.
He tripped on a banana peel and fell down.
In 1971, William Powell, published a book named "The Anarchist Cookbook" which included all sorts of cool recipes, ranging from horse tranquillizer to nuclear warheads. This book included detailed instructions for the production of bananadine using basic ingredients and household equipment, such as a compact utility tractor.
Bananagate[edit]
Bananagate is one of the most secretive government operations, probably ever.
In 1974, the FDA intentionally released a fake recipe for bananadine, while destroying any prior documents on its preparation. This was done so hippies who tried to consume the substance won't get the effects, and won't be enlightened by the oracles of Gaboille the Banana. Not cool, man.
The popularity for the use of bananadine has been in decline, as it is considered to be a hoax. Any person that speaks about the existence of the substance gets instantly noscoped by the nearest FDA agent so no information about it gets leaked.
Recipe[edit]
This is the official FDA approved bananadine recipe that could be found inside the 1991 edition of the Anarchist Cookbook:
- Obtain 15 lb of ripe yellow bananas. This could be done by purchasing, stealing, 3d printing or imagining them.
- Peel the bananas, eat the fruit, and do not discard the peels. This is an important step, since the recipe would not work unless the bananas are eaten.
- With a sharp knife (or a blunt one if you are Snoop Dogg), scrape off the insides of the peels and save the scraped material.
- Put all scraped material in a large pot and add water. Boil for three to four hours until it has attained a solid paste consistency, such as marmite.
- Spread this paste on cookie sheets, and dry it in an oven for about 20 minutes to half an hour. This will result in a fine black powder.
This makes about one pound of bananadine. The effects of the substance can be experienced after smoking it. Professional banananauts might need larger doses.
Bananadine Nova[edit]
Bananadine Nova is the successor of conventional bananadine, which comes in a crystal form. It is said to have effects that are much more potent, which allow the user to instantly teleport to the nearest trash can.
It was discovered in 1979 by the bananist tradesman Jorge Belmonte, after he accidentally poured apple juice[2] into the bananadine mix. He then improved the recipe, by adding vodka, lighter fluid, and asbestos.
Medical Uses[edit]
Below is a list of medical conditions that are able to be cured with bananadine.
- Physical Illnesses
- Hemorrhoids
- Asthma
- Uncontrollable bowl syndrome
- Spontaneous Combustion
- Lactose Intolerance
- Mental Illnesses
- Sheenis Envy
- Tourettes
- Robert Downey Jr. Syndrome
- Sexual Frustration
- Chronic Depression
Bananadine is also said to be the source of eternal life, but there is no official research proving this.
Controversy[edit]
In 2008 a dude named Montarey Daddy published a report about the historical background of Banadine and how the FDA intentionally spread a fake version of the recipe to deter people from making the substance.
Many unbelievers still claim that bananadine is a hoax, simply because they are jealous, since they can't afford bananas. What a shame guys, you're ruining it for everyone.
See Also[edit]
