Uncontrollable bowl syndrome
Uncontrollable bowl syndrome (UBS) is a rare disease in the general public but is very common (90%) in redheaded people of northern Europe. This severe disease has a long history of deadly outbreaks. UBS has many symptoms ranging from getting a few warts on your face to death from above 1979. It is also common in sports enthusiasts.
History[edit]
First occurrence[edit]
Uncontrollable bowl syndrome first appeared in the late protozoa era and was been a dominating factor in the fight against the "whoot clan." Since the fight against the clan was forced to a ceasefire, it has been laid dormant in redheads and krabs for Spongebob Squarepants.
Second awakening[edit]
The second "flare up" of this disease was disguised as the black plague. People thought that the English did not clean their bowls and utensils, but it was due to the invading Irish (redheaded people freaks) and spreading there highly contagious disease. During this time many people died of the disease including the Irish who originally spread it. The disease was defeated this time by Napoleon and his gang of Mexican slaves called the "moo-cha-chas." Again the disease was laid waste.
Third disgrace[edit]
During world war one, the allies were fighting against the German forces in France and there was a common disease called "trench foot" or "Gang Green." This was another cover up. You see Napoleon went back to France and therefore died of grapes and wine intoxication but before he died carried on the disease to another person (unknown to date) and the legacy continued until WWI and the flare up of trench foot. Although this disease was eventually cured by the invention of dishwashers and and went back to the sewers of America.
Current times[edit]
As of June 3, 2007, there has been a general spread of the disease through the general acceptedness of the people in the "whoot clan" (modernly called Irish or fire-crotchers) and also other strands of redheadedness. This can been seen in our school cafeterias where ugly, mean, lazy, stupid, atrocious, redheaded witches serve up sludge (liquid food: kinda like a tofu smoothie) in uncleaned and diseased bowlery.
Uncontrollable Bowl Syndrome - Type 2[edit]
Also this disease is common in professional sports players. Players have been known to do whatever it takes to get this drink and/or food containing object.
Super Bowl[edit]
In American football, people all over the great nation sit on their ever-enlarging fannies and watch the final game where two teams battle it out for the prized "Super Bowl."
Other sport bowls[edit]
In the NHL, players compete for a full month for a cup named after Lord Stanley.
Explosive bowel syndrome[edit]
Explosive bowel syndrome is the punchline to a popular inside joke amongst the clergy. The joke goes something like this, "Hey, Father, do you know what happens when you don't touch the choirboys?" "Why, no, my brother, could it be that you'd have a... bad night?" "Ah, a heavenly guess, father, but nigh, the God given answer is explosive bowel syndrome." Although this joke is considered incredibly unfunny by men outside the catholic church, explosive bowel syndrome is a noted and serious social problem (Believe me, there's nothing worse than having your poo cannon erupting during a speech, or even evening mass, or intercourse if you're not into that kind of stuff, although dogs will usually eat the spillage). Like everything painful and disgusting, it originated from the "Firecrotches" or simply "Rapists" as they are commonly known as Europe, however the latter term offends the good, honest rapists(This including all variations of rapists, such as the anal guild, eyesocketeers, and your friends at the Tire and Lube guild of America), and is generally not used in polite conversation nowadays. The virus was transmitted sexually when a heathen God of the "Firecrotches", known as the Firestarter planted fire seeds in the minds of a good, honest brown heads who were campaigning to destroy Ireland, the isle of the "Firecrotch". The virus then travelled to Britain where it subsequently infected people around the world. Symptoms often include: Anal ruptures, acrid explosions, expulsion of the holy spirit, blood and gore, meltage, and suicide. It's generally agreed upon by world leaders and the Masters of the universe, the French, that when you or someone you know is infected with E.B.S. (explosive bowel syndrome) it's simply best to buy a 12 gauge Remington and do what you and I saw coming from day one.
U.B.S. Ltd.[edit]
U.B.S. Ltd., the Irish-based international sound company, has been selling special custom Irish broadcasting tools since the second coming of crack. Although appearing nice on the outside (In complete contrast their Irish overlords), the Irish braodcasting devices have been linked to a number of firecrotch and Bowl related health problems, including cancer of the bowls and fire herpes due to the sheer redheadedness of the context of the custom broadcasts created by the sound devices. Stocks in U.B.S. have been dropping ever since the I.R.A. accused the Catholic church of unwanted pleasure touching, and the Catholic church in defense of its own integrity called the I.R.A.s male members "Spoil sports". The company is currently considering a merger with some Irish potato firms to increase its profit margins.
Symptoms[edit]
- Witching (warts on face, butt smells like decaffeinated coffee)
- Outbursts of constant rage
- Addiction to UFC and Wrestling
- New Hate of Gays and Muslims
- Forget what to do when your infront of a toilet
- Burning sensation down low due to fire explosion
- Tacky clothes in which you think your cool but you actually aren't and people snicker behind your back
- Spontaneous hair on chest and back
- Backne
- Sports injuries such as ripped groin
- Mold Growth in places where you didn't have mold before (These places include: face, arm pits, chest, back and "special places" including buttocks, peninsula area, and that of which is now popularily called "J.B.'s slime chunnel" or vagina for those of you who arn't current in slang)
The Walk to Cure UBS[edit]
Help Us Cure UBS
Oprah Winfrey is holding the annual "walk to cure UBS" which will be taking place in Stockholm, Germany this year due to the fact that the Irish are experiencing a bad crop year and don't like to walk.