UnNews:"Titanic" sequel canceled due to Millvina Dean death, bullshit plot

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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UnNews

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Saturday, November 23, 2024, 08:07:59 (UTC)

4 June 2009

Official movie poster for the now-scrapped T2: Titanic II.

Hollywood, California -- 20th Century Fox, Paramount Pictures and James Cameron have announced that their Long-awaited sequel to 1997's ~~overrated~~ Academy Award-winning blockbuster Titanic, to be released July 2, 2010, has been canceled indefinitely.

In light of recent events," says Sumner Redstone, Dictator of Paramount parent company Viacom, "we just didn't have the balls. The last real-life survivor just died, sadly, and that kind of conflicts with the storyline for the sequel.

According to Internet Movie Database, in the sequel, entitled T2: Titanic II, a cyborg Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio), in the year 2019, travels aboard the starship Titanic II (or T2 for short) back to the year 1997 to reunite with 101-year old Rose DeWitt Bukater (Gloria Stuart), and then back further to April 1912 to prevent the sinking of the Titanic. Kate Winslet returns as the younger Rose. The film would have been a return to Cameron's sci-fi roots in films such as The Terminator, Aliens, The Abyss, and Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and would have been released not too long after Cameron's upcoming sci-fi adventure, Avatar -- not to be confused with the Nickelodeon series.

Although the movie had yet to reach the post-production stage, writer-director Cameron says he begged and pleaded with the studio to "Not use any more of those annoying Celine Dion songs! Go back to Canada! That's the problem with movie music today; it has to be a popular artist today. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves had that annoying Bryan Adams song. The Addams Family had MC Hammer. Batman [1989] had Prince. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II had Vanilla Ice. The list just goes on and on. The studio said, early on, and this pissed me off a bit, that they were considering getting Amy Winehouse, Katy Perry, Kevin Federline, or Susan Boyle to sing a new love theme to have been composed by James Horner and Will Jennings." Neither Paramount nor Fox would comment on this discussion.

Dion's Oscar-winning "My Heart Will Go On," written by Horner & Jennings, soared all the way to the top of the charts in 1997-98, and became the world's best-selling single of 1998.

Fox Dictator Rupert Murdoch had this to say about the shelving of Titanic II:

“The sequel was sunk Not only because of the recent passing of Millvina Dean, and not only because it's so close to the 100th anniversary of the sinking, but also because the film's plot sucked balls. I mean, seriously! How in the hell can Jack Dawson still be alive when he froze and died toward the end? And nobody knows for sure if Rose goes to sleep or dies at the end. I thought it was bullshit the nanosecond Jim [Cameron] presented me with the script. I reluctantly greenlit this horseshit, I hate every second of it! This is the worst piece of trash released by 20th Century Fox since A Troll in Central Park. No wait, that was Warner Bros. I meant to say License to Drive. No -- The Fly II is much worse. Or Predator 2. Or Baby's Day Out. Or Jingle All The Way. Or what about Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie? No, no -- Speed 2! Right? Alien: Ressurection or Home Alone 3? Or what about that classic gem, Big Momma's House 2? Or the first two Star Wars prequels; they were crap! Or Black Knight. No, Moulin Rouge. No, Meet the Spartans was much worse than that! Meet Dave is even worse than THAT! I think that's the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of our worst film's ever!"”
~ Rupert Murdoch on shelving Titanic II and listing other crappy Fox films