UnNews:Queen Sequel Comissioned

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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UnNews

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Saturday, December 21, 2024, 18:25:59 (UTC)

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29 March 2007

A sequel to the Oscar winning film The Queen is currently being made, after the success of the first one. Based on a survey of the target market for the film, the director, Stephen Frears, has decided to make the sequel more violent. The plot follows the Queen after September 11 in which she joins the army to fight terrorists. Early looks at the script show that it will contain more violence, swearing and sex than the first one. One report claims that one scene contains Osama Bin Laden drooling over a nude photo of the Queen. These reports were later denied, and dismissed as that reporters fantasy. This dismissal was later withdrawn, as it was made by Piers Morgan and he talks a pile of crap.

The Queen joins the army in order to get a hands on approach to fighting terrorism. She trains with the marines, putting them all to shame, and unleashes some pwnage on some terrorists. At one point she takes on a whole Jihad herself, but still manages to get home in time for afternoon tea. The story also involves a love story between Prince William, who is to feature more heavily this time, and some random SAS chick. Reviewers have described the film as "Explosive," "Sick," "Twisted," and "Stop using my quotes, you imbecile." All hopes of an oscar, however, are distant, as the film is a pile of crap. In the end, despite all the best advice from script doctors and plot advisers, the queen drops a nuclear bomb on Iran, causing a nuclear holocaust. The final shot is of her riding the bomb, waving a cowboy hat in the air. Dr. Strangelove, and curiously, Dan Brown have taken the makers of this film to court

News of the film created an uproar all around the world. Some critics claim, after advanced viewings, that it is "racist," "prejudiced," and "hey what have I told you about using my quotes." It was described as racist due to the depictions of the terrorists that Her Maj fights - all looking distinctly Muslim. When asked about this, Frears claimed that "I'm not racist, I just don't like foreigners." Also controversial was the depiction of the queen herself, where instead of casting Helen Mirren, they cast Pamela Anderson instead. Mirren did not comment on the subject, and Pamela Anderson did make a comment, but what would be the point of publishing it, as it was a pile of crap. Some have said of her depiction that it was too "sexualised" and "subversive," and "I'll get my lawyer on you if you continue to quote me."

If the ratings companies allow this to be passed as proper film watching, then its release date is due this time next year. It is likely to receive an 18 rating in Britain, and no one will watch it in America so who cares? Rumours of another sequel, The Queen pt.III Confessions Of A Monarch are still unconfirmed, but let us all pray that this does not happen, as it will most likely be a pile of crap.

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.