Republican Party Pornography
“Now that's what I'm talkin' about”
“Republicans have something wrong with them”
Republican Party Pornography (also known as Red Meat) is the objectification of objects near and dear to the hearts of millions of red blooded (and redneck) Americans. As with other forms of pornography, it is the idea of putting on display those things and objects which would otherwise be forbidden and then objectifying them turns them into something exciting.
Republican Party Pornography may be as simple as taking the word and twisting the meaning into something that would flunk someone taking a high school vocabulary test, or it can be as complex as trotting Alaska’s Republican Governor Sarah Palin out onto a stage in Minnesota to say a few choice words, and out comes the penii of every horny Republican man everywhere to masturbate in the La-Z-Boy while watching the Republican National Convention.
I know it when I hear it
Creative linguistics are to a Republican, the official soft core pornography of the Grand Old Party. Take, for example the word liberal, which, as defined by the objective Webster’s Dictionary:
- Liberal: Adj: 1a. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry. b. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded. c. Of, relating to, or characteristic of liberalism. d. Liberal Of, designating, or characteristic of a political party founded on or associated with principles of social and political liberalism, especially in Great Britain, Canada, and the United States. liberally, liberalness.
Now look at how the Republican turn liberal into a slur as dirty as the word cunt:
I know it when I see it
Republican men will read Playboy, they claim, for the articles. That the women are naked excites them, but they morph these women objects when they jerk off to them into whores as they clean up their spooey.
Now, the rise of Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska, is a prime example of the politics of Republican Porn. Not since Leni Riefenstahl showed Nazi’s coming into the stadium in Nuremburg has one woman stirred the loins of so many men, and fanned the flames of so many rabid women as well.
Palin is so jam packed with objectification of the object, she has the same effect on Republican men as a handful of Viagra. She is Conservative, a hunter, unabashedly the wife of a white man (who'se Eskimo native blood only comes into play when it benefits her aspirations, or when he's telling his buddies about the "Nanookie" she gave him the night before) and as if this could get any better: she loves GUNS! That she is under the minimum age required to have an AARP card is just the icing on the cake.
So Palin is the piece-of-the-moment of Republican Pornography, so much so that people have almost forgotten old whats his name. Oh, well, every Republican man deserves a trophy wife, so Palin is simply John McCain’s trophy Vice-Presidential candidate.
I know it when I hold it in my hands
Nothing says erectile dysfunction as much as a Republican male with a gun and without a concealed carry permit.
A gun goon like "he" is wants that rod in his jeans pocket, where the bulge of the Colt semiautomatic makes up for what Mother Nature withheld through the cruel roll of genetics. Remember, he doesn't believe in evolution. He may have lost his job to Mexico, his wife to Lifetime movies and his son to the town hairdresser, but by God a loaded piece in his pants is his God given right as an "Americun". And just what is he going to do with the gun? Why shoot people of course! If he feels they've stepped out of line, shown a lack of manners on the highway, or if the CIA tries to kidnap him the middle of the night. Barring that he can always gather with his masculine friends, and they'll have their guns, they can safely whip out their pieces to admire each other's' glory. "Jesus, Hoss," someone will say "You got a permit for that monster?"
I know it when its on my shoulders at the NASACR race
They put them up on a pedestal and worship them after they screwed a baby seed into their womb. But once the child is born, they won't touch her because she's all loose and ruined, so they cheat on her. Baring that, and if their backs are in good stead, they let them clamber unto their shoulders while they're at a NASCAR race, encourage them to drink beer and flash their tits for the television cameras. Of course this isn’t as obscene as the thought of conserving gasoline by driving a hybrid – that’s the purvey of those child molesting liberal tree huggers.
I know it when I participate in it
Take for example the April 15, 2009 attempt by Fox News and Dick Armey's Consulting Firm's attempt to recreate history by announcing that there would be "Tea Parties" held throughout "this great nation of ours" to protest the issue of taxation just like the Sons of Liberty did during the days of the Revolution.
Never mind that the Boston Tea Party was about taxation without representation, unlike what we have today - which is exactly what the colonists wanted taxation with representation.
Never mind that their tea party was a clandestine operation.
And never mind that the Boston Tea Party happened before the commencement of first battles of Lexington and Concord.
And lets not forget that most Americans don't drink hot tea. So its doubtful that people would get passionate about that.
No, this time the organizers decided to go for a full blown orgy of overly excited citizens teabagging in public. There were men tea baggers. There were womenfolk a-tea bagging too. Kids? They had those as well. And the talking heads on Fox - they were on television encouraging people to get out there and teabag their elected representatives.
Well sir, you've never seen a more disappointed group of elected officials then those who found that after days of anticipation, that their testicles had not been fondled, coddled licked out sucked.
And thats what we call a dirty shame.