Deanna Troi

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Troi using her mind powers to try and resist all the horny thoughts of the crew.

Deanna Troi (aka Troi aka Hot Mind Reading Shrink) is named after the famous Roman mind reading goddess who can read minds and can move men's hands over their naughty regions with ease. Troi proved so popular with men in the audience that she got to help improve sagging ratings on the Janeway show.

Troi's mom is a wonderful, fun, porn star, ambassador who saved her planet from slavery. Troi's mom also stole all of her daughter's flirtatiousness and was particularly fond of bald starship captains and soon to be euthanized scientists named Major Winchester. Her butler was played by Lurch.

Troi had a long and very meaningful relationship with William Riker but he made up some excuse about how she was holding back his career, though that was probably all the sexual harassment suits against him and Pepé Le Pew Picard, whenever they celebrated with their French-Canadian wines over at ten forward. Realizing that Worf had no career and due to her interest in interspecies mating, she found Worf and they started having sex; because of this, Troi and Worf are both guilty of bestiality under Klingon law. This made a transporter clone of Riker upset, because he had been on a planet for seven years in which his penis was abraded away by incessant masturbation to her.

Troi's mind powers allowed her to sense all kinds of things, like that the approaching Romulan bird of prey was going to blow the shit out of them; or that young prepubescent boys were thinking of her tits. The best of all is when the Borg almost destroyed the Enterprise, she sensed "We're fucked."; the rest of the crew told her "No Shit."

Troi has a fetish for chocolate. Whether it's eating it, drinking it, rubbing it on her tits, having sex in it, making model starships with it. She loves chocolate. Troi once dreamed that the Enterprise was made of chocolate and wanted to eat the whole thing, thus killing the crew, then she woke up and the marsh mellow she ate was her ether covered pillow. Disturbed by the dream and needing to relax, she had a hot chocolate with enough fluoxetine; paroxetine and sertraline to tranquilize Picard's horse. One time the Ferengi had taken over the Enterprise and subjected Troi to using her mind powers to make money. After getting over this experience, she had chocolate ice cream with hot fudge, lunesta and ambien.

Some Highlights[edit]

Deanna knows what you're looking at right now.
  • A black slimy monster once threatened her with death.
  • She once got impregnated by some flash of light.
  • An evil (well, actually not that evil) old man once drove her almost insane with a music box. No, we're not kidding.
  • Troi started changing her clothes more and got to captain the Enterprise after it was nearly blown to pieces by stupid non detectable, invisible and therefore budget friendly alien energy.
  • She once was the "Goddess of Empathy" on the holodeck and in the imaginations of every male fan between the ages of 13 and 43 for the next six seasons.

See also[edit]