Things America Did Not Invent

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Ah yes, the sport of baseball, a butchered form of cricket.

There is a long list of things America did not invent. From the apple pie to zebras, America didn't invent them all. However, Americans believe an astonishing amount of bullshit, not the least of which is the notion that America is actually capable of producing an original idea. A classic example of this is the phrase "American as apple pie", which, along with Santa Claus, is the sort of crap parents instill in their children in the USA. (I mean, come on! Apples... crust... baking... Americans don't honestly think they were the first to make the connection, do they?) Anyway, enjoy this horribly butchered and painfully biased list.

Along with apple pie, plenty of other "American inventions" were stolen from Europe. In fact, Europeans should really consider entering a giant class-action lawsuit against the US for intellectual property rights infringement.

  • Food — Many Americans are under the impression that until America came along, the world was hungry, and that America invented food, such as the previously mentioned apple pie (stolen from Britain), hot dogs (stolen from a German guy), Kumara (they stole it from New Zealand and called it sweet potatoes), hamburgers, pizza, bacon, and broccoli (thank God, it wasn't us). Did I mention apple pie?
  • Terrorism - Some Americans think that George Bush invented 9/11. This conspiracy theory is wrong and simply another example of American stupidity. Even George Bush wouldn't murder thousands of civilians and destroy a huge part of the financial district of America, for as we know Dubya doesn't have the brain pan required, however just ask Bush senior, he knows!. However America DID invent Irish Terrorism to kill British inventors.
  • Super sonic planes - although the patent was American the American government asked to see England's intel in return for theirs, I must admit whoever was prime minister must have been a retard as England had already figured it out, but England's government accepted the offer, being gents England shown first and America did not return the favour.
  • Sport - Hockey, Baseball, golf, football (yes they invented American Football but not the sport of Football that makes most Americans want to gouge their eyes out).
  • Language - America is well known for stealing the English Language from the British and editing it so it sounded more American. Pronunciation of words is different (hence its spelt S-E-M-I not S-E-M-E-Y-E or A-N-T-I not A-N-T-E-Y-E , Zebra not -Z-E-E-E-B-R-A. The list goes on and on. Its i-raq not eye-raq. Americans also decided to name their Toilets, "Restrooms" as many Americans decided to name another room so that they could use the excuse to rest in it.
  • Television - The Office. True, the British had it first, but no one can deny that the American version is funnier (provided you have no sense of humour, which incidentally was invented in Britain, the Americans just butchered the 'u' in the spelling).
  • Air — As full of themselves as many non-Americans view Americans as being, it's still always surprising when one comes across Americans who believe America invented air. Air, as we all know, was actually invented in Britain during the Scientific Revolution.
  • "Fixed-wing aircraft" — All the Wright brothers did was put a kite together and wave mechanical wings using rusted bicycle parts, going from someone's roof to the ground (something man has been able to do since the Dark Ages). The true inventor is some Brazilian guy you've never heard of.
  • Silicone boobs—Those wicked Japanese people! But it's not their fault. It's the only way those poor flat girls can get boobs.
  • Other — It is commonly believed in the US that America invented the wheel and fire.
  • America — in the Mayan language means, a country of perpetually strong wind, or the Land of the Wind, and sometimes the suffix '-ique' and '-ika' can mean not only wind or air but also a spirit that breathes, life itself. Columbus visited an Indian tribe and of a district in Nicaragua called Amerrique.
  • Electricity- Stolen from the Serbian scientist Nikola Tesla (David Bowie)

To its credit, America has yet to invent a disease (except perhaps obesity). We have Africa and Asia to blame for that. Syphilis can be blamed on a hot Latina chick Christopher Columbus picked up in Puerto Rico, but that's not really America.

Things America Really Did Invent[edit]

  • Toilet roll — no argument here. Although, surprisingly, toilet paper is British! Too many crumpets and scones cause diarrhoea.
  • Jazz — Yes, America is home to the fundamental sound of jazz.
  • Fast Food — Yummy McDonalds,Burger King,Subway and many more great sources of death fast food restaurants sources of death/obesity.
  • TechnologyHummers and the Terminator. Just you wait.
  • Other — Great cars, until they break down outside the dealership!
  • Boner — Invented by Elvira, it helps stimulated millions of perverts in the world, leading to her Nobel Sex Prize in 1986.
  • Porn - America, the place where Porn is free.
  • Morbid Obesity - This one speaks for itself.
  • American Accents - which mysteriously render the speaker unable to understand any others.

See Also[edit]