I don't get it
“I don’t get it.”
“Me neither — not as often as I’d like anyway.”
I don't get it is a voting convention observed on Uncyclopedia that is cast whenever the user in question doesn't understand something which has been nominated for consideration of any number of accolades. I don't get it voting guidelines were proposed in 1901 by soon-to-be-assassinated President William McKinley. As a result of his death, none were ever ratified.
When first introduced at the 1846 Uncyclopedia Convention at Aurora New York, the premise was simple. Democratically, members of the Uncyclopedia editing board (those who wished to participate) agreed that an abbreviated statement was needed to allow members to justify their votes against something. The resulting phrase — "I decline to vote in the affirmative for [this], and therefore negatively cast a vote against it" — amply fulfilled that need. A drunken Carrie Nation, however, stood upon her chair and without being properly recognized by Convention Chair "Bea" Anthony, slurred "What about I don't get it?" When the delegates noticed that Nation's breasts were bare for all to see, a panic ensued.
After two days of rioting, the body was brought back to order and Nation's illegal motion was stricken from the records.
In 1901, again Ms. Nation attempted to make the motion on the floor, only to have President McKinley (who had stumbled into the wrong meeting room at the Buffalo Holiday Inn) agree that "what is good for the Nation is good enough me as an American."
Incensed by what he viewed as an American affront to the Polish Delegation by its Sergeant at Arms, Leon Frank Czolgosz shot McKinley dead.
Well this took the ginger out of the rest of the Symposium, and the Uncyclopedia movement in the United States for that matter.
Back to Britain
Demanding that the Americans hand over the Uncyclopedian's Cup, the Brits returned to England with the cup and assumed control of Uncyclopedia. Henceforth, all further confabs would be held in Great Britain. However, in the hubbub, the matter of when and where it would be legal to use "I don't get it" was lost.
- Orthodox Uncyclopedians believe that the phrase can only be used when the article doesn't make logical sense.
- Conservative Uncyclopedians believe that the phase can be used in any way needed from Sundown Saturday through Sundown on Friday. However from Sundown Friday to Sundown Saturday, the phrase may not be used if the reason that one doesn't get it is because one lacks a basic education in real life people, places and things.
- Reformed Uncyclopedians will use the phrase however they damn well please.
Reasons why you don't get it
You're not very good at telling stories
You do, at times, tend to ramble on about unimportant details, like when you were telling the story about your prom and spent ten minutes going off about dog shit. You know, that really makes the story lose its focus. Just stick with the facts, man.
We come from totally different backgrounds/cultures
Your other Asian friends may think your joke is funny, but I don't. Because I'm not Asian. Do I even look Asian? No, I don't. Not in the least. Sadly, things that other members of a culture find funny simply won't translate to members of a different culture. All right? So just go back to your Kung Fu-ing of things and leave the joke telling to us white people, OK?
You could be lazy
Ok, let's say that you are looking at an article that contains information about something in the world, but you've never heard or read of it before. Instead of googling the topic, say Quentin Crisp or Truman Capote, you instead simply vote "I don't get it" because it's easier than learning something. Not only does this make you lazy, if enough of these topics go by you you'll be labeled a retard.
You could be a man
Nothing ruins a good joke like a man telling it (or receiving it — the joke, that is). And I'm sorry, I keep getting sidetracked by the fact that in that shirt, it looks like your left nipple is slightly higher on your tit than your right nipple. It's not my fault; stop trying to tell me a joke and explain those fucked up tits to me! Is it the just the shirt? Did a boob job go awry? Trust me, your poorly-told joke is infinitely less important to me than those titties.
You lack depth
Like a children's wadding pool, you simply lack depth. Therefore, you can not understand anything that isn't as plain as the nose on your face. To you a toilet makes no sense because you wear diapers. A rare steak holds no interest, while whipped peas and strained corn sound yummy. Perhaps Standard and Poors is too complicated for you, but Winnie the Pooh isn't. Maybe you prefer small items tied to a music box that revolves around your head. If you were a baby, all of this would make sense, but as someone who is old enough to hold a valid driver license, you really need to get with the program, or spend the remaining days of your life exploring your navel.
I'm not really "with it"
- I'm not "down" with your hip slang, G. Perhaps if you spoke in fucking English I might find some of the humor you were intending.
- I had a lot of alcohol to drink last night, and I just woke up with a really bad hangover, and I haven't had any coffee yet. Give me about an hour and try telling your joke again.
- I got kidnapped, stuffed into a horse outfit, and was dropped off in suburbia last night, where the fucking animal control people shot me with tranquilizers. God, where's the aspirin ...
- I thought this was Wikipedia.
You are an idiot
If you have gone over the previous reasons and not found one to explain why you "don't get it" the default answer is that you are not only ugly and unpopular, you are also an idiot and most likely eat paste because it tastes good. For you there is no help; so you must go HERE. If you haven't done so, go back and click the word HERE and there you will find lots of people who will think you a genius. Good luck and write when you find work. But I work every day praying to God. That's REAL work dumbass motherfuckers working for "food" and "green colored processed tree bark" and "stupid shit".
I exist in more dimensions than you do, especially at higher dimensions. Basically, my dimensional IQ is like 1,000 and you all (who don't get it) don't even have a dimensional IQ. Stick with your standardized bullshit poop and I'll continue existing in realities better than the one you are trying to impose on me. I reject all interpretations other than my own superior and correct interpretation.
GET IT NOW? :)
"I don't get it" is a catchphrase for many people who just simply don't understand.
- Why it's funny that the horse has a long face.
- Why George W. Bush is accusing the pineapple of cheating.
- The AAAAA page.
- The AAAAAAAAA! page.
- The impossible-to-be-real quotes of Oscar Wilde who couldn't have known what an iPod is.
- The page on Nihilism.
- The page on brevity.
- The list pages.
- Why they get blocked for blanking multiple pages, inserting advertisements, vandalism, etc.
- Why it's called a driveway to park your cars in and driving on a parkway.
- Why Euthanasia is a country instead of a continent.
- Why older people laugh at a joke in one of those movies and it's usually just a name or person.
- The warning sign on the car door mirrors.
- That scene in Jurassic Park when they're in the jeep being chased by a T.Rex and the guy glances at the mirror as the T.Rex opens its mouth and roars.
- The first paragraph in the beaver article.
- Why Uncyclopedia puts pictures of Muhammed on their site.
- The Jesus articles.
- The Zork pages.
- Why Liberace was gay.