Confederate States of America
Confederate States of America | |||||
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| Motto: Fuck you Yankee bastards! | |||||
| Anthem: Free Bird (official) I'm a Good Ol' Rebel (popular) | |||||
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| Capital | Richmond, Virginia | ||||
| Official language(s) | Redneck | ||||
| Government | Free market capitalism (upheld by slave labor) | ||||
| ‑ President | Jefferson Davis (1861-1865) | ||||
| National hero(es) | Robert E. Lee Paula Deen | ||||
| Declaration of Independence |
1861 (dragged back into the Union, kicking and screaming, 1865) | ||||
| Currency | Confederate dollar | ||||
| Religion | Football | ||||
The Confederate States of America was the alternate version of the United States. The Confederacy won the American Civil War, defeating the American Union, and later taking land from Canada. Due to a book-keeping error, many modern people think that the Confederacy lost the war and does not exist. We know that these people are either Yankees, stupid, or both. The Confederacy was an all White nation, as in the year 1915 the country realized that their Negro slaves were a danger to the White population, so they deported them to Liberia in West-Africa. However, in 1916 they realized how hard all the jobs that the Negroes did were, and so they imported them all back into the country.
The Birth of a Nation[edit]
The Confederate States seceded from the United States of America, and showed the world the brilliance of conducting lightning operations. The Confederacy fought for states' rights and freedom from the tyranny of a strong Federal government. They decided to go to war after the people of the northern United States, known as "Yankees", "The Union", or "Negro-loving Yankee Devils", had decided to begin passing unfair legislation over Southern businesses. They elected the great Jefferson Davis, President and the not-so great Alexander Stephens, Vice-President. The war in which they won independence, Glorious Southern Uprising I, was the first modern war. This is something Americans say to feel good about themselves. A modern war is one where a country uses its modern economy to destroy another country's modern economy with violence. Accomplishing the same thing with trade is considered to be perfectly acceptable - unless one is in a country abused by China in an election cycle or a French farmer. A few billion people died during the Civil War. Most were from The United States of America. A few of those died of diseases, such as syphilis, the drip, herpes, bird flu, swahili flu, or gangrene. Most were massacred by the Virginia Military Institute cadets and the armies they led in conquest of the United States.
The Confederacy Today[edit]
The Confederacy today holds a peculiar legal existence. Technically, it only exists within the minds of those who choose to believe in it. Therefore it is generally held that the Confederacy only exists within the Southern United States. Because of this legal standing, Southerners unanimously contend that sometime in the future they will have to reassert their independence. This future war has already been deemed the Glorious Southern Uprising II. VMI is a front for training officers to lead the future Confederate Army in victory in this conflict. Oh, one last thing. They ain't all racist you freaking hippies!
International Status[edit]
Every country on earth refuses to recognize the C.S.A. due to the fact that they are a bunch of dirty fucking rednecks who enjoy breeding with their cousins, mothers, or even sisters (because sex is good). This is the cause for stupid confederate basturds who have been known to fuck cows except France. The C.S.A. refuses to accept this recognition and in turn does not recognize France as a real country, so it is a moot point. The C.S.A. does however maintain secret embassies and bases throughout the earth, even inside it. Also, the nations not in our world of Narnia, Njfhhryt, Middle Earth, Finland, Timecuador, China, and Mexico (but the Confederacy doesn't recognize them). The C.S.A. recognizes Kentucky because if they did not, they could not have Kentucky Fried Chicken which is vital to their economy. Also, the C.S.A. denies Global Warming because they think Global Freezing is happening.
Main Exports and Imports[edit]
The main exports of the region are: Riff-raff Cotton, Chewing Tobacco, Niggers, BBQ sauce, spicy chili, and republicans. Contrary to popular belief, the Tea Party also got its start here, rather than in Boston. The main imports of the region are: Watermelons, Chicken, Democrats, and Crackers.
See also[edit]
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