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Yoshi throwing a grenade. Nintendo took a picture and turned it into a brilliant marketing scheme.

Yoshi (Yoshipodicasaurus homoerotica) is a deformed creature native to Yoshi's Island. Eventually it was enslaved by Nintendo when Yokomatikatyotazukani Nyagatipitokamayamapito, a leprechaun living under a Rainbow, forced it to become one of its mascots.


I'm sure he was fine anyway.

Yoshis are often identified by one of their defining characteristics. These include: tendency to lick things, thumbs, tendency to lick people, shoes, tendency to lick animals, a permanent saddle and tendency to lick itself. Yoshis come in many flavors including, but not limited to: strawberry, blueberry, blackberry, whiteberry, snozberry, chocolate, grass, and purple drank. Yoshis are social creatures, traveling in flocks. They are also nudists. They're all hermaphrodites, which means even the boy ones can lay eggs. The typical Yoshi also exhibits exemplary skills in jumping in mid-air. Despite their air-jumping potential, they will curl up and die in their eggs unless freed by an outside force (usually an obese plumber with girlfriend problems). They possess tongues of prodigious lengths, used in nature for reproductive purposes. However, this has resulted in their domestication, and use in Yoshi Trafficking.


A Yoshi happily discussing his plans for today.

Yoshis were domesticated by Mushroom Kingdom settlers originally due to their delicious milk 12,000 years ago. However it was soon realized how useful Yoshis could be as a mode of transportation, as well as combat. A simple spur to the side forces the steed to use their tongues, eating whatever is in front of them. Deuteronomy says not to yoke a yoshi. The Yoshis can also be commanded to hurl their eggs as projectiles, causing explosive, psychedelic, colorful, pyrotechnic displays. Yoshis can also serve a useful purpose when you are falling to your death.


Yoshis are found in many places. These places include: Jamaica, Canada, Gay Pride Parades, under small children, on top of other Yoshis, under other Yoshis, trapped within eggs, McDonald's Breakfast Menu and in a Snuggie. However their original habitat was on the fittingly named "Yoshi's Island". Yoshi's Island was an esoteric place, where clumsy storks watched meteors rain down on the dinosaur sodomites below, God angry over for the death of Raptor Jesus. It also rained Italian children and toast. Yoshi's Island is also home to various strange forms of fauna and flora. These include masked midgets, pygmy aboriginals, and completely useless tomatoes, with no function whatsoever. Yoshi locals have the propensity of being changed to a 2D, book-like state.


Yoshis survive using their trademark abilities to swallow unfortunate victim and lay them out trapping in Yoshi egg. Which Yoshi does secretly at night. Depended on how hungry Yoshi is, Yoshi either cooks the victim into roast egg or letting them trapped until they hatch, turning them into a baby Yoshis to help get more food and taking over the world. That's the reason why Yoshi still survive since the start of time. Fortunately, Ronald McDonald somehow manages to abduct the unlucky victims to make his McDonald's Breakfast Menu, as mentioned earlier.

Work with Nintendo[edit]

Nintendo had, for a long time, tried to advertise solely to the balding overweight plumber crowd. However due to reduced profits they wanted to expand their audience to include retarded children as well as talking animals. Nintendo's initial success with Yoshis caused them to domesticate, breed and sodomize them to a point where they could be used for whatever purpose Nintendo desired. The Yoshis they "developed" wound up in several of their own games, one sold poorly due to critics, others done average, ironically, compared to Mario series, all sell, much less.

See also[edit]