Russian reversal (joke)
“In Soviet Russia, joke ruins YOU!!'”
The Russian Reversal is a debating and argumentative tactic developed by the USSR during the twentieth century. A tool described as being able to end and subsequently win any discussion, its original intent was to stupefy capitalist dogs by inverting the sentence and introducing a new prepositional phrase, thus obfuscating the topic and allowing the debater to take control and bury his opponent. Its execution is as simple as it is lethal: the subject and direct object of the sentence in question are reversed, the sentence is preceded with "in Soviet Russia" and all sentences are shifted into the second person.
This is because Soviet Russia is a wondrous land of complete automation and bizarre reversal of ordinary American events and situations. Imagine your wonder when, upon calling a taxi, you discover that here in Soviet Russia, taxi calls YOU!!
The original technique was introduced by Politburo hack and Minister of Propaganda Yakov Smirnoff soon after he infiltrated America! What a country! from Ukraine during the Cold War.
"In America, you can always find a party."
Years of ruthless science from the finest minds in Soviet Russia refined this solipsistic bourgeois notion to:
"In Soviet Russia, Party finds YOU!!"
and the rest is history.
Essence of Russian Reversal
The Russian Reversal, in its purest form, is based on the dualistic theorem that:
- America is both free and good.
- Russia is both oppressive and bad
Ergo, they are opposites. If something is good in America (as all things in America are), that very same thing is bad in Soviet Russia (ditto).
In Soviet Russia, rule remembers YOU!!
The Russian Reversal was originally developed by Soviet Russians, and featured all their trademarks:
- Bad Grammar
- Incorrect Verb Usage
- Always have "YOU!!" at end.
- Sentence order is generally accepted as "In Soviet Russia, (Noun) (transitive verb)s YOU!!"
- All words like "the" and "a" purged from language in 1919.
- In general, all plural words should be changed into the singular form. In the previous example, "cars" became "car." This is vital, as the impact of the sentence is lost if multiple things are whatever-ing YOU!!
- Try and avoid the words "is" and "are", such as: "In Soviet Russia, dumb is YOU!!". This just sounds stupid. And, in Soviet Russia, that would mean that stupid is you!
- All sentences end with "YOU!!"* For maximum science, mathematical expressions may end with "you." Example: "pi = 3.14159265you."
- In decadent modern era it becomes more accepted that Russian Reversalisms end with word other than "YOU!!" Example: "In Soviet Russia, car fixes A-Team!!". However, in most places, classic reversal is only method of reversal permitted by law:
- Always print "YOU" in ALLCAPS and then finish the sentence with no more and no less than two exclamation points, and italicise those even if the rest of sentence isn't. See previous rule for clarification.
- For example: "In America you follow the rules; in Soviet Russia, rule follows YOU!!"
- Reread all rules, follow in different order.
- Avoid using on, in, at, to, etc.; is less Russian.
- Only use three words. (In Soviet Russia, above ignores YOU!!)
- Keep simple, stupid.
- If necessary watch Night Court episodes with Yakov Smirnoff as Yakov Korolenko. Yes, Uncyclopedia knows it will hurt. Uncyclopedia wants it to hurt. Hurt YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, exception makes YOU!!
- In general, situation in Soviet Russia is reverse of in West, with few notable exceptions. Example; under capitalism people oppress people, under communism is other way around. Communism better.
- In America, people are free to go to Washington and tell comrade citizens president of the USA is idiot. In Russia, people are free to go to Red Square in Moscow and tell comrade citizens president of USA is also idiot. Russia just like America!
- In America, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. In Russia, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. In this respect, America just like Russia!
- In Russia, most prostitutes are Russian, but in America, most prostitutes are Russian. America is just like Russia!
In Soviet Russia, List reads YOU!!
In order to help Capitalists / anti-Communists prepare for their debates, this Official List of All Known Russian Reversals is brought to YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, reversal writes YOU!!
- "We had to shoot mad cows in the Undead Kingdom." becomes "In Soviet Russia, mad cow shoots YOU!!"
- "In America, you have scarecrows." becomes "In Soviet Russia, crow scares YOU!!"
- "In Mozilla, you keep tabs in browser." becomes "In Soviet Russia, browser keep tabs on YOU!!"
- "In America you watch Big Brother." becomes "In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU!!
In Communist China, reversal writes YOU!!
- In America, you look at computer monitor; in Communist China, computer monitors YOU!!
- In America, you Google Tiananmen Square; in Communist China, Tiananmen Square Googles YOU!!
- In America, you abort baby; in Communist China, baby aborts YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, reversal reads YOU!!
In America, before editing this page, you read the instructions. In Soviet Russia instruction reads YOU!!!
This PSA brought to you by the People United Against Crappy Russian Reversals
- In Soviet Russia, baby aborts YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, car drives YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, toilet flushes YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, road forks YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, fish catches YOU!
- In Soviet Russia, radio listens to YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, chair sits on YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, cold catches YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, cow tips YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, bong hits YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, bucket kicks YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, TV watches YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, steak grills YOU!!!
- In Soviet Russia, CD burns YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, bar walks into YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, ass kicks YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, n00b pwns j00!!!
- In Soviet Russia, bag punches YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, frog dissects YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, kitten huffs YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, mouse traps YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, remote controls YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, movie pirates YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, day seizes YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, picture hangs YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, bank robs YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, deer hunts YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, roulette turns YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, laundry hangs YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, toast burns YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, corn pops YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, nut cracks YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, weight gains YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, Pokemon catches YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, dust bites YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, rocket launches YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, Tree chops YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, shirt wears YOU!!
Predictably, T-Shirts have already been made with these messages.
- In Soviet Russia, T-shirt reads YOU!!
Roses are Red Violets are Blue In Soviet Russia Poem writes YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, Quote Reads YOU!!
“In Soviet Russia, foo' pities YOU!!'”
“In Zombie Russia, brain eats YOU!!'”
“In Doggie Russia, car chases YOU!!'”
“In Soviet Russia fox fires YOU!!'”
“In Soviet Russia, Google searches YOU!!'”
“In Soviet Russia, clown punches YOU!!'”
“In Soviet Russia, battleship sinks YOU!!'”
“In Communist Cuba, we eliminate hunger. In Soviet Russia, hunger eliminates YOU!!'”
“In Soviet Russia, This Can't Touch YOU!!'”
“In Soviet Russia, dead horse flogs YOU!!!'”