Russian Roulette

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for HowTo:Play Russian Roulette?
An exciting game for the whole family!

“Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun”

~ Lady Gaga on Russian Roulette

As any good American mom or pop will tell you, Russian Roulette is a fun, exciting game for the whole family! It's easy as 1-2-3-click-click-click-bang! If you win, you will want to play it again and again! This is one family game night you'll never forget.

The Game Pieces[edit]

All you need for a game of Russian Roulette is a gun, and a few FunAmmo. Any gun can be used, of course, but the game comes standard with your special edition Starter Gun. Just spin the cylinder and pull the trigger!

Maintaining the Pieces[edit]

Use a soft cloth to wipe off any grease, gunpowder, sweat, or blood that might accidentally get on the Game Set. If, by chance, you lose the FunAmmo, this set comes with five free spares, and more can be purchased wherever Russian Roulette is legal! Make sure to keep the gun on safety when, as accidental or premature discharge of FunAmmo can result in losing it, and is really quite embarrassing for everyone involved. We know you'd hate to run out of FunAmmo when you need it most.


Now you may be thinking, "well, this all sounds very complicated! I don't even know how to use a gun!" Never fear, as the easy-to-read instructions are an the box right next to the gun. Of course, even these are simple, and after one quick read you'll be ready to go! Basically, all that you have to do is pick up the gun, spin the cylinder, point it at your head, and pull the trigger! If you hear an amazingly loud bang, see a flash of light, and feel for a split second your very soul being dragged away into the darkest depths of oblivion, you lose! Now, the gun is passed along to the person either to your left or right. They'll add a new FunAmmo, randomly moved to a different chamber, and the fun begins again! However, if you hear a simple click, you "survive!" Congratulations, now all you have to do is live with the guilt of surviving the fate that someone you love will instead have to endure! But not so fast! You're not gonna put that gun down just yet, are you? I didn't think so! You see, this game is played so that only one player can be left without a hole in their head. So, repeat this process until only one player is left unscathed by the FunAmmo. Was it you? It was??? Then you win!

Do you feel lucky, punk? Do ya? You do? Then how about a nice game of Russian Roulette?

I win!![edit]

Congrats, you live to play another day! You may want to buy more FunAmmo, as much or all of your old FunAmmo was likely expended in your last game. You may even want to buy another gun, as the Starter will likely wear out after extensive use.

I lost....I'm sad[edit]

Use this kind of gun if your friends are going first!

Hey, don't be sad! You can't be sad when you're dead!! Ha ha ha......... just kidding! Well, not really actually, as the vast majority of losers of Russian Roulette do actually die. Don't get discouraged, though! Losers are strongly encouraged to try again, and I'm sure that next time you play, your luck will improve!

Alright, let's play![edit]

“So just pull the trigger”

~ Your Mom

OK, let's! Remember, though, you can't sue Russian Roulette for any damages to you walls, furniture, skull, etc. Sorry, but we're not liable for lawsuits in any way, shape, or form! In fact, when you read the title of this article, you actually gave us the rights to your very soul. Too bad! However, we here at Fisher Price do appreciate any constructive criticism you may have, so please, don't be afraid to contact us at any time. Now let's play! You can go first...


Oops, looks like you lose! Better luck next time, and thanks for playing Russian Roulette!

Polish Roulette[edit]

If you think that Russian Roulette is for pussies, then a more hardcore variation of the game called Polish Roulette could be played. This involves replacing the 1 FunAmmo with 5 FunAmmo, that only 1 space in cylinder is FunAmmo-free. This game is only for those with nothing to live for or the irrationally brave, so basically either Polish people or drunk Polish people.

Poo Lit Surprise Logo.png Poo Lit Surprise-Winning Article
This article was chosen as the Best Article by a Noob in the July 2007 Poo Lit Surprise writing competition.