Romulus Augustulus
“This Roman Imperial Line terminates here. Please take all your slaves and whips when leaving this chariot.”
“What a farce!”
Romulus Augustulus is considered to be the 'last' Roman Emperor, the child ruler who 'controlled' what was left of the old Roman Imperial heartland from 475–476 before he was retired and sent off to a villa to live on a generous pension. His deposition[1] on 4 September 476 is the usual cutoff point marking the formal end of the Western Roman Empire.
Early life[edit]
Romulus Augustulus was born in around 460, in and around Naples. His father Orestes had once worked for Attila the Hun when the latter was living in tents in Pannonia (modern day Hungary). It is not known if Orestes could play the lyre like his mythical namesake, but he was adept at charming the sandals off the right people. When Attila died in bed after over doing it with his new bride, Orestes felt it was prudent to move on and look for work elsewhere. Orestes left the Hun territories and crossed the border to the Roman frontier province of Noricum in what is now Austria. There he met his wife Barbarella. She was a petite blonde with a sawdust floor-level of humour and a future Queen of the Galaxy.
Little Romy was their precious only son,[2] and seemed more fit for a religious posting than an imperial one. This could have been a good career move, but Augustulus's father had another use for him. The local holy man Severinus predicted a glittering future for both Orestes and his son.[3] God willed it, apparently.
Ambition[edit]
In the confusing last years of the Western Roman Empire, Orestes managed to wriggle his way to near the top of the pile. When Julius Nepos became the official emperor in 475, Orestes became 'his best buddy' — and then betrayed him by leading a revolt.
The rebellion was successful. Nepos fled to Dalmatia but, in a surprise move, Orestes did not become emperor himself but instead promoted Romulus to the post. Orestes cited being 'insufficiently Roman' as an excuse to have his boy take his place in the line of fire.
Romulus was presented to the Roman Senate as their new figurehead, billed as Dominus Noster Romulus Augustus Pius Felix Augustus (Our Lord Romulus Augustus Pious Pussycat Augustus). The Senate was unimpressed by this gassy name, and instead adopted the disparaging nickname Augustulus (Little Augustus), some just calling him Augie. Emperor Zeno in Constantinople was more emphatic: Romulus was a fraud.
Rebellion and abdication[edit]
With Dalmatia staying loyal to Julius Nepos, the new Roman emperor basically held Italy and a few assorted territories. Orestes promised the Roman army lots of gold and bribes, but failed to deliver. This prompted another rebellion in August 476, this time led by the Germanic hitman called Odoacer. He had a radical plan: Kill off the Western Roman Empire and become King of whatever was left.
Orestes and his brother Paul were killed. Romulus hid in the lavatories at his imperial palace in Ravenna, but was found in September 476. The victorious Odoacer could have killed Romulus and bagged a third family skull for his collection but spared the kid ruler. He just wanted Romy to perform one last task. Odoacer marched to Rome with Romulus in tow and pitched up at the Roman Senate. He dictated to Romulus the contents of a letter to be sent to emperor Zeno in Constantinople. Under Romulus's official imperial seal the boy resigned the imperial throne. West and East would be folded back together with Zeno nominally in charge of what was left of the Roman Empire. Italy would be administered by Odoacer (in Zeno's name, of course). Zeno shrugged, as it seemed like a done deal already.
Romulus's fate was to be sent to a retirement villa outside Naples. Odoacer threw in a comfortable pension. Romulus Augustulus had never wanted to be an emperor and blamed his dad for the mess. His mother Barbarella went with him to check he didn't wear dirty togas in public, and to nag him about decrees he should have issued while he had the chance.
Later years[edit]
Romulus's thoroughly enjoyable retirement ended quickly when he ran through his pension money. In about 492, his newly religious mother Barbarella converted their family home into a monastery for the followers of St. Severinus. Since this was the same Severinus who had apparently forseen greatness for her husband and son this suggest Barbarella was highly gullible. Romulus for his part was moved to a small room above the kitchen. He lost most of his fancy wardrobe in the move. Romulus kept a pair of fancy sandals and a purple tunic.
The ex-emperor still cared for money and when Odoacer was killed in 493, he applied for a new settlement with the new ruler of Italy, the Ostrogoth Theodoric the Great. Theodoric agreed, but in around 507, he stopped the payments until Romulus did an effective bit of pleading to the hard-hearted Goth. With that resolved in his favour Romulus Augustulus disappears from the historical record. Perhaps he ended up in the Catholic church as a priest or bishop or a louche aristocrat around town, trading on his brief stint on the imperial throne. We don't know.
Legacy[edit]
Romulus is often included in lists of emperors, but never preceded by, 'Last but not least,' as he really was pretty the least. His reign was marked by never really paying the troops, a problem caused by inability to mint new coins on which his long, pompous name would fit. This was a problem that led to its own solution at the hands of Odoacer.
Romulus's legacy was to complete the demise of the Western Empire. The Visigoths promptly scooped up all the imperial holdings in Gaul. However, soldiers in Raetia and Noricum, on the Danube, continued to get paid and remained loyal to the Empire, as no one updated the paperwork; the Comptroller did not know how to code 'Entire organization defunct.'
Myths[edit]
Romulus Augustulus appears in a play Romulus the Great as an unheroic idiot with a fondness for chickens — apparently fusing his story with that of earlier Emperor Honorius, who was known for his fondness with feathered friends.
A more recent film has Romulus Augustulus fleeing Rome and ending up in Britannia with a few remaining Roman soldiers. There he becomes 'Uther Pendragon'. This was the British king who got Merlin to weave his magic so that Romulus/Uther could get his end away with Igraine of Cornwall and became father of Arthur, 'King of the Bwittans,' complete omni testicularum, as any Roman would say.
References[edit]
| Preceded by: Julius Nepos |
Roman Emperor 475–476 |
Succeeded by: Zeno |
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