Pirate Ninja

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This is the only known picture of a Pirate Ninja. Unfortunately, we aren't even sure if it's accurate because the person who drew this died while making it. Our artists tried their best to complete this image.

“I eat these things for breakfast... without milk!”

~ chuck norris on how he likes his pirate ninjas

A Pirate Ninja is the opposite of a Ninja Pirate. While a Ninja Pirate is a pirate with Ninja training, a Pirate Ninja is a ninja who pirates. However, similar to the Ninja Pirate, it is a deadly and evil force that should be treated with the utmost caution.


The origins of the Pirate Ninja are unknown. It is theorized that it was created by Cyborg Hitler as a weapon to use against Cheese Jesus, It is also rumoured that he named the first Pirate Ninja Daniel. However, after the RIAA discovered it was illegally downloading music, it was banished to the darkest corner of the universe, with Gary Gygax and Unicron. What became of it afterward is unknown, but some believe it was warped by a black hole and mutated into Gary Coleman.Now many people believe that there is a Pirate Ninja. However this is untrue because if a Pirate and a Ninja were to mate the world would end by being sucked into a black hole created by the Pirate and Ninja being to close to one another and having to much awesome power in one place at one time!!! Remember the movie The One with Jet li ten times that and thats what it would be like only more awesome then the human eye can perceive. Instead Pirate Ninja's like to participate in the act of Danish Starfishing. This is where one Pirate Ninja inserts it's fist into another Pirate Ninja's anus and once fully injected, separtes it's fingers resembling a starfish. This ensures the world will continue to spin, but the Pirate Ninja's get to experience sexual pleasure aswell.

It is also strongly believed that the pirate Ninjas Bred and created a super race who won the pirate ninja war of 1337! It is also commonly debated that the pirate ninja can only be seen in UV light, which is why Hippies are often found with them on.


A Pirate Ninja is like a Ninja Pirate, except everything ninja is pirate, and vice versa. Rather than being a pirate with a ninja mask and sword, it's a Ninja with a pirate hat and a parrot on its shoulder. Though the two are very similar in appearance, the Pirate Ninja is more ninja-y than piratey. They can easily be distinguished by 3 simple differences:

  1. it doesn't say "Arrrr" as much
  2. it DOES ride in boats
  3. it does wear eyepatches
  4. it often disguises as school students

More importantly though, there is only one Pirate Ninja, while there are multiple Ninja Pirates. Why? 'Cause when Cyborg Hitler built it, he knew it would be too dangerous to make another. Plus, the sheer number of monkeys needed is just rediculous. Do you know how much it costs to even RENT one? Whooooa monkey.


This is rare footage of Pirate Ninja Jesus in action against Santa Claus. The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus set Jesus up to be crucified, but Jesus survived and got his revenge. He was in disguise as himself in a yellow motorcycle jumpsuit.

Even less is known about this elusive creature than the Ninja Pirate, leading to a mythos of superstition and misconception. Here are some commonly asked questions and their REAL answers.

Is it a hat?

No. If you try to wear it, it will kill you.

What kind of weapons does it use?

While the Ninja Pirate uses piratey ninja weapons, like the ninja pirate starrr, the Pirate Ninja uses ninja-y pirate weapons, such as the pirat-o, the Pirate Ninja version of the ninjato. It's actually an evolved form of the scimitar; no one knows how or why they use scimitars or how they even got a hold of them, but most sources say it's just to confuse the hell out of you.

What happens if a Pirate Ninja fights another Pirate Ninja?

This is impossible. There is only one(currently), and if it fought itself, no one would win, because it's too powerful to defeat itself.

If I skeer what will happen?

If the dead baby, happens to be OCUALA then do not touch the pirate for he is diseases and most likely not alive or about to be not alive, which means that he would have ceased to exist, unless the pirate was a female OCUALA

Ninja Pirate vs. Pirate Ninja[edit]

A pirate ninja stole your girlfriend (and the girl you were cheating on her with) while you were reading this.

Another commonly asked question is, "What would happen if a Ninja Pirate fought a Pirate Ninja?" To put it simply, this would cause a catastrophic asplode, destroying all the tacos in the universe. It is theorized that even summoning the Pirate Ninja back into existence would asplode the universe as we know it, leaving only a box of thumb tacks and a Star Wars marital aid behind. There is nothing known to be able to defeat the Pirate Ninja as it is, because it was only captured by the RIAA, and not destroyed.

Chuck Norris[edit]

It is unknown whether or not Chuck Norris could defeat the Pirate Ninja. It is supposed he could not. Vin Diesel is the only known Ninja Pirate, and everyone knows that Vin Diesel is really the Anti-Norris, Nuck Chorris. This brings back the point that the Pirate Ninja can't defeat himself, so whether Chuck Norris could beat him or not is a moot point. This section is retarded and inconsistent with itself. Do not read it, and instead jump to the next section. Do not pass Start.

It has been revealed through a surprising twist of events that the only real Pirate Ninja, is, in fact, Zelda. Think about it; she can turn into a ninja (Sheik), and is a pirate(tetra). But then again, she could be a ninja pirate instead. Never mind, go back to the first explanation.

Coming back to a previous point about pirate ninjas being able to eat napalm to make their sperm even more indestructible, recent studies have shown that a ninja doesn't actually produce sperm, it merely shoots out its kids through its thick but pleasurable downstairs monster. In other words, they are more similar to ninji than pirates.

See also[edit]