Nudibranch

Gotta catch 'em all!

Nudibranchs are a marine species related to the slug. But unlike slugs, snails, Nameks, or any of their other relatives, nudibranchs are catchable, collectible, tradeable, and battleable, making them far more entertaining. They reside mainly in the Atlantic and Pacific regions, but can be found around the world, in environments of all kinds.

Starting as a Nudibranch Trainer

Entering into the wide, wonderful world of nudibranchs is a simple task, especially considering the innumerable life benefits it can have. One can become a trainer, a fierce battler, a breeder, or enter his nudibranchs in beauty pageants. One must first, however, meet several important conditions:

• Be a people person, as many parts of this life require social skills.
• Be a nudibranch person, as many parts of this life require nudibranchs.
• Be able to breathe underwater, or at least have a scuba license.

Those who meet these conditions are ready to go. Those who do not should go back to college or step back into that moving van and hurry home to the sketchy town they came from.

Starter Nudibranchs

Most nudibranch trainers begin their careers with one of three available "starters" given out by marine biologist Professor Kelp.

From then on, it is a trainer's responsibility to catch any other nudibranchs he wishes to possess. Very rarely will any others be simply given away, so one's starter is incredibly crucial. Having a starter released as a prank by a playground rival or jealous little brother is a shameful event that can easily strip away one's honor.

The evil Team Rocket is searching for nudibranchs as well. Thwart their dastardly plans!

Catching a Nudibranch

To catch a nudibranch, one must first acquire a specialized device built just for doing so: a nudiball. Professor Kelp will happily give out one's first set, but one must have the means to buy his own after that. The ocean is a cruel and unfeeling world; get used to it.

Nudiballs contain dangerous, unstable pocket universes, modeled to look like a nudibranch's reef environment. Consequently, they're not cheap. Additionally, a nudiball does not usually work, since nudibranchs, not unlike humans, do not enjoy being caught. They can easily slip out of a nudiball's clutches thanks to their slimy invertebrate nature. In order for a nudiball to work properly, a nudibranch must be either asleep or thrashed within an inch of its life, with one foot in the grave and the other... well, a nudibranch has only one foot, and it's not a real foot anyway. Scratch that.

One can always catch a nudibranch the old-fashioned way, with a net, but this is not only a sign of dishonor and destitution but also a very ineffective method of keeping the nudibranch captured. Nudibranchs can tell the difference between sleeping and waking humans, and will swim happily away as soon as the window of opportunity arrives.

Battling

Nudibranchs battle by penis fencing -- that is, stabbing each other with their twin penis-nubbins until one combatant is pierced through the skin and shot up with sperm. While this happens quite often among wild nudibranchs, it can also be initiated between two trainers, often resulting in a much more bombastic match than would happen in the wild.

Each nudibranch species has its own special set of attacks. A nudibranch starts out with simple, ineffective moves such as Penis Scratch, Penis Poke, and Eyestalk Leer; however, it will learn more powerful moves as it levels up. More often than not, these moves depend on a nudibranch's type -- Fire, Electric, Grass, Water, and so on. An overwhelming majority of nudibranchs, however, are Water-type: Fire-type doesn't do so well under the ocean, Electric has recently been banned from professional nudibranch battling due to most moves electrocuting all lifeforms, trainers included, in a quarter-mile radius, and Grass has gone out of style for being just plain helpless.

Nudibranchs You'll Never Catch

This nudibranch, for example, appears to grant you one wish once all seven magic crystal balls are collected.

A coveted shiny nudibranch (compare to image at top of page). Did you know that your chances of being struck by lightning while reading this sentence are greater than your chances of finding one?

Legendary Nudibranchs

A legendary nudibranch is any nudibranch that has, by some way or another, become famous -- be it for especially flashy colors, an illustrious rap career, inventing a new type of windshield wipers, and so on. Most regions have their own special set of legendaries. For example, the Indian Ocean has the Elemental Birdibranchs, the Pacific has the Fighting Doggibranchs, and the Arctic Ocean has one nudibranch once thought to be Santa Claus himself. Either way, it takes luck to encounter any one of these creatures, and even more of it to catch it. Many an unfortunate soul has spent his life's savings on nudiballs, travelled high and low to meet a legendary, and, in his attempt to catch it, missed his target with every throw.

Mewdibranch, a particularly famous nudibranch, is notable for being uncatchable and, in fact, unable to be found in the wild. Few are those who have encountered this elusive lifeform, and it's said they used magic or cheat codes to do so -- that, or they just spread a lie to make their playground pals jealous.

Pikabludibranch, on the other hand, simply does not exist.

Shiny Nudibranchs

Much like African-Americans, shiny nudibranchs look just like any other nudibranch, save that their colors seem a little off. Sometimes the difference can be striking; others, it can take a true expert to tell a shiny apart from a typical specimen. Either way, shiny nudibranchs are:

• Not actually shiny.
• Rarer than polar bears in Mexico, or life on Mars, or hills in Kansas.

Shiny nudibranchs can be of immense value in the trade market. Even if the shiny in question is nothing more than a Pidgebranch, one can demand an Arcebranch in exchange for it -- and still get his way.

See also

• Pokemon
• Nudie bar