I'm still drunk, right?...
INT. A DARK AND PROBABLY RATHER SMELLY ROOM — NIGHT
Two teenagers lie on the grimy floor of said room, unconscious. Their clothes are torn and they are surrounded by pools of blood.
The girl, LAURA, wakes up.
Jason? Are you OK? Tell me you're OK! We need to establish a relationship to progress the movie!
Are you that hooker I hired?
No, it's me, Laura! We were at that party yesterday night, and we got really drunk, and I don't remember what happened next!
Oh, that explains my splitting headache.
No, I think that's down to blood loss.
Well Laura, thanks for explaining the back story. Now, I think we should figure out how to get out of here, or possibly where the killer is.
I don't know. The second one sounds kind fun...
Suddenly, there is a LOUD CREAKING NOISE!!
What do you think that was?
Could it not
be the killer?
If we're in a horror movie, we need to fashion weapons to use against the killer.
How can you be sure we're in a horror movie?
What bra size are you?
Jason picks up a piece of wood and breaks it in two so that the end is sharpened.
Hell, this ought to do.
A moment of silence goes by.
You know, I interpret you throwing me this piece of mouldy wood as a sign of affection. And I want you to know that I share this badly-thought out affection.
Of course you do. The critics need something to maul.
Kill it with fire!
They kiss. Suddenly, THE KILLER BREAKS IN!
Jason punches the killer in the face, and kicks him in the crotch for good measure.
He falls to the floor, dead.
Looks like his chemistry teacher forgot to teach him about... the element of surprise!
Jason and Laura survive and live happily ever after.
Bullshit. Just get them naked and
cut their heads off! --Rick