Puzzle Potato Dry Brush.png
UnNews Logo Potato1.png

Welcome to the Mother Ship of amateur comedy writing! (Amateur means we don't pay you to do it.)

This is where the original Uncyclopedia wound up. You might as well pick a user name. We have no "partners" that want to sell you stuff. Giving your email simply lets you recover your password; we don't send spam. Uncyclopedians get a talk page, private edit area, and a welcome, maybe, if you actually edit; and we won't de-platform you for your views, if they're funny.


Axis and Allies (video game)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“ I do believe that this isn't a video game based on historical events, it's a video game based on a video game based on historical events, anything can happen. This has nothing to do with the developer flunking History at highschool. NOTHING.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Axis and Allies (video game)

The Game Begins[edit]

*Adolfinator7 has entered the game*

*GB_Un1t has entered the game*

*Stalinoscopy has returned from idol*

*N1h()n has entered the game*

*Ameriland209 has returned from idol*

*Game starting in 10 seconds*

*.....*

*.....*

GB_Un1t: U gonna go or wat!?

Stalinoscopy: God damn it I was thinking.

*Stalinoscopy has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken 32 damage*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 7 damage*

Adolfinator7: Dude, WTF?

Ameriland209: OWNED!

N1h()n: Turn off the Hax gay.

Stalinoscopy: I don't hack, I just got lucky.

Adolfiinator7: Yeah sure, w/e.

*Stalinoscopy has captured West Russia*

*Stalinoscopy has captured West Ukraine*

*Stalinoscopy has captured West Belorussia*

Adolfinator7: Damz...

Adolfinator7: I'm buying a fighter and 6 tank divisions.

Stalinoscopy: Fuck! I forgot to buy shit!

N1h()n: You're screwed.

Ameriland209: I got your back dude.

*Adolfinator7 has attacked Stalinoscopy*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 25 damage*

Adolfinator7: I R the 1337.

Stalinoscopy: Only on the count of villany.

GB_Un1t: WTF?

*Adolfinator7 has attacked Stalinoscopy*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 17 damage*

*Adolfinator7 has taken 3 damage*

Stalinoscopy: Dude, WTH, leave me alone.

Adolfinator7: STFU NUBE!

Ameriland209: Lol.

*Adolfinator7 has captured Belorussia*

*Adolfinator7 has captured Karelia S.S.R.*

*Adolfinator7 has captured Kazakh S.S.R.*

Stalinoscopy: Oh sweet Jesus.

GB_Un1t: I'm going to buy some shit.

GB_Un1t: Umm....

GB_Un1t: Alright, let's go!

GB_Un1t: LOOK BEHIND YOU ADOLF! A THREE HEADED MONKEY

Ameriland209: ?!

*GB_Un1t has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken -2 damage*

*GB_Un1t Loses RAF*

Stalinoscopy: God damn it GB_Un1t, god damn it.

Ameriland209: GB_Un1t why do you do this shit?

Ameriland209: You are just dumb as shit.

GB_Un1t: Well, At least I have Tanks.

*Luftwaffe bombs GB_un1ts Factories*

*GB_Un1t Loses Tanks*

GB_Un1t: Oh shyt.

N1h()n: Lol, can you say PWND'D?

GB_Un1t: Well, I'm done.

Adolfinator7: You're right about that. Rofl.

N1h()n: You guys can go fuck yourselves, I'm not saying what I'm buying.

GB_Un1t: Like we care assclown, just take your turn.

Adolfinator7: Yeah you yellow bastard.

GB_Un1t: ROFLMANJARO.

N1h()n: You fags are ghey.

*N1h()n has attacked Ameriland209*

*Ameriland209 has taken 3 damage*

Stalinoscopy: Dude, you can't fight a war with chopsticks.

N1h()n: Don't B jealous of my chopsticks BITCH.

*Spain_man23 has entered the game*

Spain_man23: I'M RICK JAMES BITCH!!!

Adolfinator7: Who the flying fuck invited you?

Spain_man23: Your Mother.

GB_Un1t: Spain's neutral, you can't play.

Spain_man23: Damn, fine I'm leaving.

*Spain_man23 has left the room*

*N1h()n has attacked Ameriland209*

*Ameriland209 has taken 31 damage*

N1h()n: BOOM HEADSHOT!!!

Ameriland209: Pshh, that was nothing Ch00b.

Ameriland209: I'm buying 9 tank divisions.

N1h()n: Oh, I'm trembling!!!

Ameriland209: You really are just like your mother...

N1h()n: WTF dude?

*Ameriland209 has attacked N1h()n*

*N1h()n* has taken 21 damage*

*N1h()n* has taken 18 damage*

*N1h()n* has taken 15 damage*

*N1h()n* has taken 10 damage*

*Ameriland209 has taken 17 damage*

N1h()n: Holy shit, are you serious!? Nogodamnway.

Ameriland209: Taste my wrath Nazi Pigs.

Adolfinator7: Not cool...

*Ameriland207 has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfiinator7 has taken -3 damage*

Ameriland209: w00t?!?!

Adolfinator7: Uhh... why does your "wrath" taste like strawberries?

Ameriland209: Shut up.

Adolfinator7: I guess you're not as easy as N1h()n.

GB_Un1t: Lol.

N1h()n: At least i'm not as easy as your mom.

Ameriland209: Woah, easy Little Boy, now you've insulted the Fat Man.

GB_Un1t: LOL XD, Fat americans!!

N1h()n: Wait wait wait, who the hell won the first round?

Stalinoscopy: That's not how this game works idiot.

N1h()n: DAMN THIS GAME TAKES 4EVR!!

Stalinoscopy: This time, I AM buying something

Adolfinator7: It's not going to help, unless you're buying an 1337 BOMBZ.

Stalinoscopy: You know damn well I can't get one of those until Round 4.

*Stalinoscopy has attacked Germinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken 12 damage*

GB_Un1t: Dude, we'll never win if you don't buy any guns or shoes for your soldiers.

Stalinoscopy: We'll never win if you destroy your whole army on the first turn you bitch.

Stalinoscopy: Besides, that is what I bought....

GB_Un1t: Oh...

*Stalinoscopy's submarine has sneak-attacked Germinator7's Transport*

*Adolfinator7's transport has been destroyed*

Adolfinator7: I smell a cheat, when'd you getta sub?

Stalinoscopy: I like started with it and stuff...

*Ameriland209 has Invaded Normandy*

*Ameriland209 has captured Cherbourg*

*Ameriland209 has captured Caen*

*Ameriland209 has captured Havre*

*Stalinoscopy has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken 50 damage CRITICAL HIT

Adolfinator7: WTF, U HAXIN'!?111?!

*Franc3 has entered the game*

Adolfinator7: WTF, Franc3!? i kicked ur azz ages ago!

Franc3: STFU Gheylord, Take this!!

*Franc3 has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken -1 damage

GB_Un1t: Wow Franc3. U Suck

Adolfinator7: Yeah.

Adolfinator7: And where the h3ll is Benny?!

*Macaroni_Benny is no longer idle*

Macaroni_Benny: Im bak!

*Fartysans has Killed Macaroni_Benny*

Adolfinator7: WTF!1!?1?

Fartysans: lololol, j00 art pwned adolf! we're on allies side now! noob!

Adolfinator7: Ow fuck, this suxx

Adolfinator7: Well, You macaronis we're just like franc3

Franc3: STFU adolf, ure l0sing u ghey!

GB_Un1t: STFU, Franc3

*Stalinoscopy has captured Poland*

Adolfinator7: LOL, U lozer! we're still winning. you subhumans! SUBMIT!

Stalinoscopy: Shut up! we're at the gates b3rlin

Adolfinator7: That means nothing.

*Adolfinator7 has attacked Stalinoscopy*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 9 damage*

*Adolfinator7 Actives Übersoldat hack

Stalinoscopy: Wtf?? Admin kick tht neb!!

Franc3: hacker!11!

*Adolfinator7 uses Übersoldet on Stalinoscopy*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 29 damage*

Adolfinator7: Wheee ^^

*Adolfinator7 uses Übersoldat on Stalinoscopy*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 22 damage*

*Adolfinator7 uses Übersoldat on Stalinoscopy*

*Stalinoscopy has taken 19 damage*

Stalinoscopy: LOL U HOMO STOP HACKING!1!

Ameriland209: LoL, Stop haxin adolf!

Adolfinator7: Noway u neeeebs!

Adolfinator7: Heeey! what happened :(

*Übersoldats batteries are now empty*

Stalinoscopy: Haha, now i make my move.

*Stalinoscopy captures Übersoldats*

Ameriland209: Remeber to destroy those 333vil thigs Stalino!

Stalinoscopy: Yeah thats what im going to do...

*Stalinoscopy has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken 49 damage*

Stalinoscopy: FUCKIN DIEE!

Adolfinator7: NO YOU

*Ameriland209 is crossing Rhine*

*RANDOM EVENT TO AMERILAND209: EARTHQUAKE *

*Ameriland209 has taken 66 damage, CRITICAL HIT*

Ameriland209: FFS this srvr is so fcking unrealistic!

Franc3: I'll help you out from this Ameriland!

Ameriland209: I bet...

*Franc3 has attacked Adolfinator7*

*Adolfinator7 has taken -32 damage*

*Franc3 has killed Franc3*

Ameriland209: LOL Franc3..

Stalinoscopy: Wut a suprise.

GB_Un1t: This is taking 4ever.

*GB_Un1t sends bombers to Berlin*

*Bombers collide with Big Ben*

*GB_un1t has taken 32 damage*

GB_Un1t: WTF is wrong with this!?!

Stalinoscopy: Adolf and his hax. they are what is wrong with this.

N1h()n: Take this u nub!

*N1h()n has attacked Ameriland209*

*Ameriland209 has taken 12 damage*

Ameriland209: U r still here?

*Ameriland209 uses A-bombs to N1h()n*

*N1h()n has taken 1200 damage*

*Ameriland209 has Killed N1h()n*

GB_Un1t: LOL!! Use a-bombs to adolf!

Ameriland209: Sry, i dont hav more a-bombs.

GB_Un1t: Noooo!1! you dumbfuck!!!

*Admin has left the server*

*Adolfinator7 now has Adminstrator privileges*

Ameriland209: WTF?!!

Stalinoscopy: OMG!

*Franc3 has spawned*

GB_Un1t: WTF? Franc3 ure bak again!?!1

Franc3: Yeah, i spawned back.

*Adolfinator7 has locked the server*

*Adolfinator7 is now immortal*

Adolfinator7: Haha, ure now trpped on this srvr!

Ameriland209: Yeah right.

*Ameriland209 Tries to leave Server*

*Unable to leave server*

Adolfinator7: See? also, u cannot turn off your computer or even leave your own room ^^

Adolfinator7: This is gr8 mod

Franc3: Reminds me about Counter-Strike

Ameriland209: LOL. Lets gear up and kick adolf's ass!

*Ameriland209 Builds A-Bomb*

*Admin Detonates Ameriland's A-bombs*

*Ameriland209 has taken 500 damage, CRITICAL HIT*

Ameriland209: OMGLOLWTF??? You stupid cunt

*Adolfinator7 slaps Ameriland209*

*Ameriland209 has taken 50 damage*

Adolfinator7: Dont mess with Admin :D

Ameriland209: OH IM SO SORRY..u ghey..

Franc3: Im on Adolf's side now!

Adolfinator7: No u r not.

*Adolfinator7 has attacked Franc3*

*Franc3 has taken 55 damage, CRITICAL HIT*

*Adolfinator7 killed Franc3*

Stalinoscopy: OMG. franc3 has died 3 times now.

Franc3(Dead): WTF, im Spectator!

Ameriland209: this is gonna take loooong.


*25 years later...*


*Adolfinator7 killed Franc3*

Franc3(Dead): OH plz Adolf let me out!

Franc3(Dead): This is just like in CS =(

Stalinoscopy: Graz Franc3. You have died 10 000 times now!

*Franc3 has spawned*

Franc3: FUCK J00 STALIN!

*Stalinoscopy has attacked Franc3*

*Franc3 has taken 63 damage*

*Stalinoscopy killed Franc3*

Franc3(Dead): HEY! Why u all keep killing me!?

Stalinoscopy: Coz u sux.

Ameriland209: THATS IT

Ameriland209: aasddafasf

Ameriland209: ssadafasf

Ameriland209: efwERWEf

Ameriland209: 11

Ameriland209: 1111

Ameriland209: 1

*Adolfinator7 has attacked Ameriland209*

*Ameriland209 has taken 500 damage*

*Adolfinator7 killed Ameriland209*

Adolfinator7: Heeeh. This is gettin boring, im out c ya all later!

*Adolfinator7 has left the server*

*Franc3 tries to leave Server*

*Unable to leave Server*

Franc3: OMG we're trapped here!

*Ameriland209 has left the server*

*Stalinoscopy has left the server*

*GB_Un1t has left the server*

Franc3: WTF?!?!

*Franc3 tries to leave Server*

*Unable to leave Server*

*Franc3 tries to leave Server*

*Unable to leave Server*

Franc3: OMG!?? ANYONE HERE!?!? HELP!!??

Franc3: jeez. im trapped here for eternity.

Peer: No ure not

Franc3: WTF?!?! Who are you?

Peer: Edward Peer, The guy who resets connections!

Franc3: Will you help me out from here?

Peer: No.

*Peer has attacked Franc3*

*Franc3 has taken 1000 damage*

*Peer killed Franc3*

Franc3(Dead) : Oh great.

*Peer has left the server (Connection Reseted By Peer)*

*Andorra has entered the game*

Andorra: Yo. Peace Franc3? im still noob and i dont know how to play.

Franc3 : HAHAA! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

*Franc3 has attacked Andorra*

*Andorra has taken 0 damage*

Andorra : WTF U NUBE U BLIND OR SUMETHNG???!!!1

*Andorra has attacked Franc3*

*Franc3 has taken 23 damage*

*Andorra killed Franc3*

Andorra : KTHXBYE

*Andorra has left the server (Franc3 Sux)*

Franc3 : This would be better if i still had napoleon... F***ing wellington he sure know how to ruin a party.

*Years pass...*

*More years pass...*

*Few more years pass...*

*Ameriland209 has Joined the server*

*Stalinoscopy has Joined the server*

*GB_Un1t has Joined the server*

Franc3 : Hey u guys are back!

Stalinoscopy  : LOL Franc3 u been here like 56 years?

*Adolfinator7 has joined the server*

Adolfinator7: LOL, Sup d00ds.

Stalinoscopy  : Hey u haxing fvck

Franc3 : I HAVE BEEN LIKE FUCKING STUCK IN THIS STUPID SRVR LIKE 60 YEARS

*Adolfinator7 has attacked Franc3*

*Franc3 has taken 1000 damage, CRITICAL HIT*

*Adolfinator7 killed Franc3*

Franc3 : why this keeps happenin to meh??

*Admin has Joined the server*

*Adolfinator7 Has No More Adminstrator privileges*

Adolfinator7: awwww :(

*Admin turns gravity off*

Ameriland209: WTF??? gravity??

Admin: Oops, wrong game.

Franc3 : Ok...Wuts the date laik today?

Adolfinator7: 12.5.2036

Stalinoscopy  : Heyy!! time 4 WW3!

Franc3 : Does this mean...

*Stalinoscopy has taken over europe*

Franc3 : ...That someone will kill me again.