Yugoslav Wars (video game)

Uber_Union: ummm, just my opinion, no need to get mad or anything, but i think croatia and slovenia should be allowed their independence, and that the serbs in both countries shouldnt be allowed to separate.

Cr4azia: thanks uber union :)

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: no one asked u fukkin ass wipe euro

M1L4N_BABIC: DEATH TO CROATS!

*Admin is no longer idle*

Admin: hey

Cr4azia: finally! ive been sending u like, hundreds of pms!!!

Admin: i was taking a dumb, sorry

Cr4azia: yougo is hacking all over and killing all my people!

Admin: holy crap, the map looks so different! it's only been like, 20 turns since T1T0 left, u guys fell apart really fast!

Cr4azia: HELP ME!!1!

Admin: fine fine keep your pants on

*Admin has imposed an Arms Embargo on the Balkan server*

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: oh man, what ever shall i do now? lulz

Cr4azia: CMON! yougo has all the guns! ur basically leaving me defenseless!

Admin: uhhh, okay, hold on

*Admin has sent peace keepers to Balkan server*

Cr4azia: u r useless

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: LMAO!

Ethnic Cleansing

*Turdman has entered the game*

Turdman: cr4zia, u gotta hit back!

Cr4zia: im trying turdman, but they are to strong

Turdman: the croatian ppl will not stand by while we are slaughtered!!!

Cr4zia: wut else can i do!?

Turdman: leave it to me...

*Turdman has uploaded Ethnic_Hatred patch*

*Ethnic Serbs expelled from Croatian civil service*

*Ethnic Croats slaughter 13 ethnic Serbs *

*Ethnic Croats slaughter 21 ethnic Serbs *

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: hey! stop that!

Cr4zia: i cant control him!!!

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: oh, that sounds familiar now, doesn't it?

Cr4zia: shut up i just want peace

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: shuld have thought of that before leaving my clan!!!

Turdman: DIE YOU FUCKING SERB PIGS

MIL4N_BABIC: FUCKING SCUM CROAT U WILL DIE!

Admin: omg, what is wrong with you people! stop already!

*Admin has imposed a cease fire*

*YouGoSuckMeUp has struck Cr4azia, 21 damage!*

*Cr4azia has struck YouGoSuckMeUp, 13 damage!*

Admin: -_-

Uber_Union: yeah that solved it

Admin: id like to see you try better

Uber_Union: sure thing

*Uber_Union has imposed economic sanctions on YouGoSuckMeUp!*

YouGoSuckMeUp Balkan Boiz: This isnt any of ur buisness, fuk off uberunion!!

Uber_Union: all of you are apart of my system of course its my problem

*Ethnic Serbs have killed 32 Ethnic Croats*

*Ethnic Serbs have initiated mass rape attacks in Croatia!*

Admin: dude...

Uber_Union: thats just wrong

*Admin has imposed a cease fire*

Turdman: FUCKING SCUM WILL PAY!

Admin: i miss the good ole days when people would listen to my authority

Uber_Union: no one ever listened to your authority

Bosnian War

*YouGoSuckMeUp has changed his ID to Greater_S3RB14*

BOSN14 Balkan Bois: hey serbia?

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: wutwut? I'm kinda busy here!

BOSN14 Balkan Bois: i was wondering if it would be alright with u if i just, u know, left this clan

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: fuck no! if you leave this clan i will tear you to shreds!!!

BOSN14 Balkan Bois: cmon, it isnt fair that you have complete control over everything now, i want to be independent like cr4z1a and SlavicBabe.

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: just you try it and see what happens to your precious 'independence'

*BOSN14 has initiated independence referendum*

*GenocideIsMyGame is no longer idle*

GenocideIsMyGame: MUSLIM FLITH! We are apart of a GREATER SERBIA, not some muslim shit hole!

BOSN14 Balkan Boiz: well, sorry you feel that way, vote in the election as you wish.

GenocideIsMyGame: no! the serb people of Bosnia will boycott this illegal action!!!

BOSN14 Balkan Boiz: fine whatever

*BOSN14 has voted 99% in favor of independence!*

*BOSN14 has left Blakan Boiz clan!*

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: Fucking NOOB!

BOSN14: just leave me in peace im done with you

*GenocideIsMyGame has declared the Serbian Republika of Srpska in Bosnia!*

BOSN14: hey, you can't do that!

GenocideIsMyGame: i will NEVER live under the rule of muslim pigs!

*boban81 is no longer idle*

*boban81 has declared the Croatian Republic of Bosnia!*

boban81: PRAISE CROATIA

Cr4z1a: i finally got some allies yo!

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: as if me owning you in your own country wasn't enough you want me to pussy whip you here to?

Cr4z1a: shut it, im looking out for croats everywhere

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: and i look out for serbs everywhere

BOSN14: both of u get ur asses out of my territory!!!

GenocideIsMyGame: how dare you take that tone you inferior muzzie!!!

*Bosnian Serb forces have struck Eastern Bosnia! Ethnic Cleansing commencing!*

*Bosnian Croat forces have struck Bosnia, 21 damage!*

Uber_Union: i thought we told you guys to STOP the ethnic cleansing!!!

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: don't look at me, im not helping the bosnian serbs

Cr4z1a: yeah i aint helping bosnian croats either

BOSN14: you two are so full of shit, Uber_Union, I need help!

Uber_Union: i dunno, i tried to help cr4z1a and he turned out to be as much a genocidal creep as serbia

BOSN14: i promise all i want is peace :(

Uber_Union: fine hold on

*Uber_Union has nudged Admin*

Admin: what!? you guys arent the only thing i have to deal with in this game!?

Uber_Union: cr4z1a and serbia are going nuts on bosnia, what should we do?

Admin: uhhh....more peace keepers?

Uber_Union: good idea

*Uber_Union and Admin have sent peace keepers to Balkan server*

BOSN14: that isnt enough! send as many of them as you want, it wont stop them from killing me! i need you to lift the arms embargo!

Admin: yea, sure thing, and let loads of weapons flow into an armed conflict

BOSN14: they will have arms anyways! serbia has caught a large stockpile and croatia is just smuggling them through his borders! IM SURROUNDED ON ALL SIDES!!!!

Admin: uhhh, sorry, nothing I can do

BOSN14: fine then there is one person i have left to help me

*Strz&Strpz has joined the game*

Strz&Strpz: you called?

BOSN14: hey buddy :)

Strz&Strpz: what up?

BOSN14: im being wiped out over here

Strz&Strpz: huh? i didn't know shit was going down, sorry

BOSN14: no prob

Strz&Strpz: damn those serbs are nuts, they have almost all your territory!!!

BOSN14: the croats have some to, we have basically nothing left :(

Strz&Strpz: YO MILO!

*Milo is no longer idle*

Milo: yes my imperialist master?

Strz&Strpz: can the sarcsm bub, what the hell do you think you are doing?

Milo: what ever do you mean?

Strz&Strpz: i know you control serbia, I know you are helping da serbs in bosnia, don't playing fucking coy with me

Milo: please good sir, maybe we can talk this over with some tea?

Strz&Strpz: >:(

*Franc3 has joined the game*

Franc3: sacre blue mon ami, what iz it you tink you arez doing?

Strz&Strpz: trying to solve the worlds problems, get your pansy ass nose out of it

Franc3: now now, calm yourself mon ami, ze serbs are a gens fiers, proud people, as you say. zey are france's traditional ally, i must insist you leave zem alone.

Strz&Strpz: uh, are you BLIND?! If you didn't realize, there is GENOCIDE going on here!!! i thought you people said 'never again' after the holocaust?

Franc3: oui oui, we did, but we didn't expect it would ever happen again, you see? stopping it would require zee french people to...uhhh...do zomething, droite?

Strz&Strpz: it's been fifty years now and your just as spineless as when hitler pwned you

Franc3: Indignes! i shall not sit here and be insulted in such a manner! zee EU peacekeepers are doing fine az zey are, merci. we don't need you butting in

*Ethnic Serbs have killed 12 French Peacekeepers*

Franc3: MON DIUE! CELA N'EST PAS POSSIBLE!!!

Strz&Strpz: oh the irony

Franc3: scoundrels! cretins! you have defouled mon hommes de pays! zat is outrageous!

Strz&Strpz: are you on board for this now?

Franc3: oui oui, i shall support military action now!

Strz&Strpz: good

Milo: this is s tragedy, the serb people deplore this act of terror upon our french allies!

Strz&Strpz: can it milo! you and your allies are going down...once we get in agreement over here

Greater_S3RB14 Balkan Boiz: oh nooooo, we are so scared, hahahaha

BOSN14: lol you dumb asses will get it now

NATO Deliberations

Strz&Strpz: I call this meeting of the super awsm western countries into order!

YouKay: I say, this is quite a predicament we have ourselves in the balkans ol' chaps!

Franc3: ze serb dogs must be taught a lesson for zeir vile acts!

Strz&Strpz: agreed, we just need a unanimous vote on it

NATO: yeah, as long as you all agree ill get cracking on military operations

Franc3: oui, all in favor of committing troops to ze bosnian nation say aye/

Strz&Strpz: wow wow wow, hold on. Troops? i aint committing any troops anywhere. I just got owned in Somailia I ain't prepared to get caught up in something like this again where CNN is showing dead Americans on the news!!!

YouKay: well what do you propose we do then good sir?

Strz&Strpz: i was just hoping we could bomb the shit out of the Bosnian Serbs

C4nuck: i dunno USA, are you talking about air strikes alone? r u sure that would stop em, eh?

Strz&Strpz: listen, Milo maybe smart but his troops are a bunch of poorly trained third world bitches who'll retreat in droves.

Franc3: when haz our meddleing in ze zird world ever turned out to be zat simple?

Strz&Strpz: just do it, alright!?

Franc3: nevair! ze french people want vengance! we want troops in bosnia!

Strz&Strpz: im not doing that!

Franc3: well ill vote against it if it iz not included apart of our operation!

NATO: ah shit

C4nuck: praise democracy, eh?

Meanwhile

GenocideIsMyGame PM to Milo: serb forces control most of bosnia. The muzzies are running for their lives!

Milo PM to GenocideIsMyGame: excellent. at this rate we could annex the whole country into a Greater Serbia

GenocideIsMyGame PM to Milo: then we could get rid of all those fucking muslims

Milo PM to GenocideIsMyGame: yes. can you be a little more quiet about how you kill them though? the west is starting to get all 'moral' on us about that

GenocideIsMyGame PM to Milo: ill see what I can do

*Bosnian Serbs have started ethnic cleansing against Bosniaks and Croats in Prijedor Province*

*Bosnian Serbs kill 54 Bosniaks, 23 Croats*

*Bosniak and Croat homes ransacked*

*Bosnian Serbs kill 102 Bosniaks, 54 Croats*

Admin: DUDE

GenocideIsMyGame: what I do!?!?

Admin: STOP THAT ALREADY!!!

GenocideIsMyGame: they did that to themselves

Admin: yeah because people usually rape and mutilate themselves in Bosnia, right?

GenocideIsMyGame: well they are muslims?

Admin: you are sick

*Bosnian Serbs set up Omarska Concentration Camp*

*1,200 Bosniaks imprisoned*

*Bosnian Serbs begin mass rape and ethnic cleansing in Prijedor Province/death toll:5000*

Milo: so much for being quiet

Croats vs. Bosnia

*Bosnian Croats strike Bosnia, 9 damage!*

*Croatian Defence Council begins invasion of central Bosnia

BOSN14: why do you always go after me :(

boban88: cuz ur muslim, sorry.

*Bosnia repulses attacks*

boban88: fuck

BOSN14: but look at serbia! he's in your country right now trying to take it over! serbs are killing both our people! Why must we fight one another?

boban88: because...well...i dunno

*Croat Defence Council begins Ethnic Cleansing campaign against Bosniaks in Central Bosnia/ death_toll:200*

BOSN14: come to your fucking SENSES! THIS is why the world thinks we are all insane

boban88: meh

*Croatian Defence Council strikes Bosnia, 7 damage!

*Bosnia strikes Croatian Defence Council, CRITICAL HIT, 56 damage!

boban88: SHIT! WHY CANT I TAKE CENTRAL BOSNIA!

*Croatian Defence Council forces retreat!

Turdman: don't stop! go go go! attack!

Cr4z1a: i dunno turdman, bosnia has a point. maybe we should try and get bosnian croats and bosniaks to team up, then we can get serbs out of our country

Turdman: NO NO MURDER THEM NOW!

*Croatian Defence Council begins siege of Mostar!

*Croatian Defence Council begins Lašva Valley ethnic cleansing campaign!

BOSN14: please allah save me

An Alliance

*RatMan is no longer idle*

GenocideIsMyGame: ah ratman, my best general. the croats and muslims are weak, i want you to wipe them all out now

RatMan: sure thing boss

*Bosnian Serb forces strike Bosnia, 32 damage!*

*Bosnian Serb forces strike Bosnian Croat froces, 41 damage!*

*Bosnian Serb forces strike Bosnia, 54 damage!*

*Bosnian Serb forces strike Bosnian Croat froces, 74 damage!*

BOSN14: HEY! THAT HOMO GOT LIKE, FOUR TURNS IN A ROW! H4X!!!

RatMan: pathetic swine, you die now

*RatMan initiates siege of Srebrenica, CRITICAL HIT, 434 DAMAGE TO BOSNIA, 8000 BOSNIAKS DEAD!*

BOSN14: MOTHER CUKER YOU ARE SO GOING TO HELL I HOPE YOU BURN YOU BITCH BIG SWINE

RatMan: >:)

*RatMan begins systematic rape and murders of Croats and Muslims!*

Admin: HEY! I DESIGNATED SREBRENICA A SAFE ZONE! That means no attacking!

RatMan: its serbian land, ill do what my leader requires of me and enjoy myself doing it

GenocideIsMyGame: ;)

Strz&Strpz: hellz no that is the LAST straw!

*NATO shoot down 4 Serbian aircraft in no fly zone!*

Greater_S3RB1A: Western scum! that is OUR military you are shooting down!

Strz&Strpz: shouldn't have flown it in the no fly zone then, huh?

NATO: lulz

*Strz&Strpz has opened private chat with NATO, BOSN14, Cr4z1a, boban88 and Turdman*

Strz&Strpz: Croatia, Bosnia, guys, c'mon. stop killing each other and work together!

Turdman: work with MUSLIMS?!

BOSN14: these guys are sick USA, I can't work with them

Strz&Strpz: fine, then we'll just let Serbia walk all over you two. no nato assistance

NATO: yeah

BOSN14: uh...i guess we can try it

Cr4z1a: i wasn't in to the whole ethnic cleansing thing anyways

boban88: i can get bosnian croats to stop the offensive of muslims if u want

Strz&Strpz: Good

Turdman: I WILL ENVER WORK WIT THOS FUKKIN MUZZIE, NEVER U HAVE TO KILL ME FIRST BEFOR I GO TO A MUSLIMS AND SHAKE HIS DIRTY HAND!

Turdman: DIE BURN IN HELL TOWEL HEAD!

Strz&Strpz: ugh

Turdman: FUCKING BITCH ASS CUNT MUSLIM DOG!@1!

*Strz&Strpz has kicked Turdman*

Strz&Strpz: alright, lets get to work

Tides Turn

*Bosnian Serbs now control 70% of Bosnia/Eastern Croatia*

Milo: soon we will have a GREATER serbia

Milo: how many more turns until we have all of croatia and bosnia?

GenocideIsMyGame: i dunno, ratman spends most his time slaughtering everyone and burning villages, may be like twenty

*BOSN14 has struck Bosnian Serb forces, 12 damage!*

*Cr4z1a has struck Serbian forces in Croatia, 16 damage!*

Milo: how sadm they think they can beat us

GenocideIsMyGame: LOLOL

*NATO has bombed Bosnian Serb artillery, 23 damage!*

GenocideIsMyGame: WTF!?!?1?

Milo: uh oh

GenocideIsMyGame: you said NATO wouldn't get involved!!!

Milo: i dunno what happened!!! they were at one anothers throats seconds ago!!!

Strz&Strpz: we got the croats and bosniaks to sign a peace agreement. now we don't need to put our troops on the ground seeing as they are good enough to defeat you with our air support

GenocideIsMyGame: muslims and croats fight like pansies

*Bosnian Serb forces have struck Bosnia, 17 damage!*

*Greater_S3RB14 has struck Croatia, 21 damage!*

*BOSN14 has struck Bosnian Serb forces, 16 damage!*

*Cr4z1a has struck Serbian forces in Croatia, CRITICAL HIT!!! 65 damage!*

*NATO has bombed Bosnian Serb infrastructure, 43 damage!*

*Greater_S3RB14 has struck Croatia, 9 damage!*

*Cr4z1a has struck Serbian forces in Croatia, CRITICAL HIT!!! 86 damage!*

*Greater_S3RB14 has retreated from Eastern Croatia!!*

Greater_S3RB14: gah, we lost in croatia

Milo: FUCKING IMBECILE!!!

USA: cr4z1a, hold up, dont go into Greater_S3RB14's territory

Cr4z1a: awww come on! they are weak, i want vengance!

Strz&Strpz: no! help bosnia aginst serbs there, then we get serbia to sign cease fire

Turdman: wut i tell you?! should never have made an agreement with muslims! now we cant butcher the serbs!!!

*BOSN14 has struck Bosnian Serb forces, 13 damage!

*Cr4z1a has struck Bosnian Serb forces, 17 damage!

*NATO has bombed Bosnian Serb Capital Banja Luka, 22 damage!

*Bosnian Serb forces have struck Bosnia, 4 damage!*

GenocideIsMyGame: we are fucked. Do something ratman!

Ratman: okay

*Bosnian Serb forces have taken UN peace keepers hostage!*

Admin: why do you hate me?

Ratman: :P

*BOSN14 has struck Bosnian Serb forces, 21 damage!

*Cr4z1a has struck Bosnian Serb forces, 37 damage!

*NATO has bombed Bosnian Serb supply lines, 25 damage!

Ratman: okay, i have like, no resources or guys left radovan

GenocideIsMyGame: Milo, plz help us

Milo: hold on

*Milo has nudged COMMUNISTS-R-US

COMMUNISTS-R-US: you interrupted my vodka drinking, dis better be good

Milo: plz my slav brother, we need your assistance to fight off NATO aggression

COMMUNISTS-R-US: like hell im getting involved, you bothered me for this?

Milo: our people are dying!

COMMUNISTS-R-US: shuld have thought of that before you started killing other people you genocidal creep now fuck off!!!

Milo: k, no help is coming, sorry

GenocideIsMyGame: YOU can help us. Your troops are all neat and ready behindf the border, bring them in Bosnia and help your fellow serbs

Milo: hmmmmm

*Milo has accepted Admin cease fire'

GenocideIsMyGame: SELL OUT TRAITOR!

Milo: listen you little shit. I'm not about to risk my political position with my people by having NATO bomb my country! It was fun while it lasted but im not going to put my job on the line for fucking Bosnian Serbs. You aren't even pure blooded serbs!

Strz&Strpz: wow so the truth comes out

GenocideIsMyGame: we will never trust you again!

*GenocideIsMyGame has accepted Admin cease fire'

Admin: didn't i request that cease fire like, thirty turns ago?

Milo: i didnt see it. as you know im a very peaceful person

Strz&Strpz: lulz like hell you are

*Milo, Greater_S3RB14, Turdman, Cr4z1a, BOSN14 and GenocideIsMyGame sign Dayton Peace Accords*

*Bosnia partitioned into Bosniak, Croat and Serb zones*

Bold text

==Kosovo War==

*K-MART has signed in*

*K-MART has changed password*

K-MART Balkan Boiz: serbia you little shit, you hacked my account!

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: Wut?

K-MART Balkan Boiz: you totally h4xed me and used my account!!!

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: lol that was ages ago get over it

K-MART Balkan Boiz: no im pissed off! This clan is shrinking by the second, and your screwing it up even more!

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: nuh uh, im da richest republic, ur da poorest, ever wonder why?

K-MART Balkan Boiz: I do know why! you rape our land, you banned the use of the albanian language, you banned our political parties and you took away the little independence we had! this is why we are poor!

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: if you say so

K-MART Balkan Boiz: we kept our mouths shut while you rolled all over cr4z1a, slavicbabe and bosn14, but we wont let you roll over us!

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: silly rabbit, trix r for kids

K-MART Balkan Boiz: what?

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: i mean, we have complete control over every major institution in kosovo. try your best.

*KLA has signed in*

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: who r you?

KLA: the defenders of albanians in kosovo! weve had enuff of ur opression

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: okay?

K-MART Balkan Boiz: good going s3b14, now we have terrorists on our hands

KLA: FREEDOM FIGHTERS!!!

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: lol this is some sad joke

K-MART Balkan Boiz: i cant subdue the kosovor people

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: albanians have small penises

K-MART Balkan Boiz: ???

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: albanian women look like hairy apes, they want real men like serbs

KLA: GRRRRRRRRRRR

K-MART Balkan Boiz: admin, plz, serbia is being a troll

*Admin is idle*

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: albanians make love to goats because they are attracted to hairy bums

*KLA has struck Serbian Security Forces in Kosovo, 9 damage!*

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: you dont wanna make me angry fucker

K-MART Balkan Boiz: plz KLA, we can do this peacefully

KLA: SHUT UP APPEASER, HE SAID OUR DICKS WERE SMALL

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: all terrorists have limp dicks

KLA: we are FREEDOM FIGHTERS

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: bull shit. ur a terrorist organization filled with muslims who get funding from crime bosses. ur just a gang

KLA: Allahu akbar. We suck. We are terrorits who slay innocent serbs and sell their organs to the Italian black market.

Greater_S3RB1A Balkan Boiz: Oh no. We're screwed. Our people are being killed in Albania. And NATO won't help us. Shit.

The Saga continues...

Yugoslav Wars (video game)

Contents

Breakup of Yugoslavia