Why didn't anyone think of that before?! award
“Why didn't anyone think of making this award before?”
The Why didn’t anyone think of that before?! award is an award distributed by a group in a Detroit bar every year. They are always absolutely real events that really happened and were completely brilliant and made the world a better place (according to the judges)
History[edit]
According to one of the joint founders of the award: it began in a bar in Detroit in 1981 when two drunks were in a very highly strung conversation and honestly believed that they were the two most intelligent people in the world. They were a chair that looked and sounded exactly like Joseph Stalin and Johnson Smithson, the son of the world famous John Smith. They were arguing about names with the Russian stating “your parents were so thick that they couldn’t even think of a name they just called you ‘son’” to which Smithson replied “that just saves time I hear some random rich guy named his daughter after a branch of the hotel chain he owns." They both agreed that was quite clever and thus the “the why didn’t anyone think of that before?!" award was born.
Judging[edit]
Between 1981-2009 the judging had been taking place in a bar in Detroit, Michigan, just down the road from where the award was first conceived. The bar itself had been closed down because a mixture of Methane, Bromine and Ether had been distilling into in the air in just the right quantities to make people think that they were seeing former Russian leaders. The health inspector’s report noted the following: the air is very wavy, there is a very odd smell, the bar keeper has an ice pick in his head,and keeps calling me Brezhnev, and the single customer who is sitting in a corner keeps saying, “I can’t believe no one thought of that before Stalin, can you?”
The judging had been conducted by whomever happened to be in the new bar whenever it was that they can be bothered to decide. This was usually some time around thanksgiving.
But in 2009, the Freemasons took up the award and set up their own rules for awarding the honor. From that time on, they used a committee of several famous people to choose the winner from among the nominated individuals and organisations. The Freemasons sequestered the committee in a remote village of a randomly chosen nation and forced them to stay there until they had decided upon a winner. The first such meeting took place in December 2009 in Norilsk, Central Siberia. The following year, a swamp in Guadalcanal was selected and the committe was put in the rusted out remains of a WWII Japanese tank.
List of award winners[edit]
1981- Who ever Paris Hilton’s parents are for deciding to name their daughter after a hotel.
1982- That annoying son of Margaret Thatcher for disappearing in a race for three days so that his mother couldn’t speak to him.
1983- An Italian guy named Giovanni Vigliotto for getting married 104 times
1984- Who ever Alex Smith’s parents are for making him spend all his infancy with a football near so that in his adult life no one will ever see him without a football.
1985- Nelson Mandela for staying in jail after he’d been released
1986- Spain and Portugal for deciding that they are part of Europe
1987- The ultimate chief naming guy for Frobisher Bay for changing the name of the city to Iqualuit [pronounced: ???] so that no one could invade because they can’t say “I herby proclaim this city of [insert city name] part of the country [insert the name of invading person’s country here]
1988- Ronald Reagan for signing the “The Japanese Are People Too" Act
1989- Rupert Murdoch for dominating the European press as well
1990- The British conservative party for getting rid of Margaret Thatcher (an idea everyone else had eleven years ago)
1991- George bush senior for operation desert storm in Iraq
1992- The British electorate for voting in John Major, a man who’s lengthy service and high military rank would no doubt serve the country well.
1993- America for now having a president who would be faithful to those who love him till the very end….
1994- A random Australian guy for trying to assassinate the prince of Wales with blank bullets
1995- Soccer player Eric Cantona for deciding to try and use a member of the crowds head as a ball after the one that they were using was broken and had been shown a red card.
1996- Mr Monobrow chess guy for pushing the off button in a match against a computer
1997- Tony Blair for saying the same word over and over again when asked to talk about his policies. It later turned out that Alistair Campbell had fallen asleep at the teleprompter controls for a second.
1998- The state of California for working out how to stop people smoking: put massive letters saying no smoking on the side of a big hill. Unfortunately some other even bigger letters were already there so they couldn’t do it.
1999- Columbia for changing its name to Colombo so that it could investigate all the crime that was occurring in the country.
2000- Everyone for realizing the Y2K problem was fucking hype. On a related note, the World Dumbshit Index fluxed, creating widespread panic over "the pretty lights."
2001- Al Gore for removing all the “w”s from the vvhite house computers so that ‘Dubya’ couldn’t become president. Oops!
2002- The president of Europeland for uniting all the states of Europeland under one currency: the euro dollar.
2003- The terminator computer, skynet for over throwing humanity and conquering the world.
2004- Europeland for invading 10 countries in one day, Poland, Latvia, Czech republic, Estonia, Hungary, Lithuania, Malta, Cyprus, Slovakia and Slovenia. Invading Poland is always a good idea.
2005- The Leprechauns the irish for converting completely to the metric system.
2006- A whale for improvising after losing the map and swimming up the Thames in to London in order to get a train.
2007- Sir Robert Mugabe for his brilliant economic reform policy. His Excellency accepted the award in person, apparently very moved by the praises sung by the colossal drunken hordes attending the "ceremony". Mugabe celebrated by promptly removing 9 zeroes from all Zimbabwean bank notes, once again affirming his dedication to long-term economic solutions.
2008- American banks for burning all of the worlds money, the awards was accepted by the head investment banker of poor house wearing a Dolce and Gabanna suit with bird shit on it.
2009- Kim Jong-il for one-week ban on using money in North Korea and forcing citizens to give their money to him during that time.
2010- Hungary for carrying out the biggest chemical experiment, in which they checked how people react with tons of highly alkaline and caustic liquid waste from red mud lakes.
2011- Obama for completing the final level on Human Call Of Duty and controlling tf 141 as they stormed makarov's Bin Laden's compound.
2012- The anti-doping agencies in cycling, for figuring out Lance Armstrong was using drugs.
2013- Robin Ince for making a music video where the young women are naked. This attracted men to watch and women to complain about it, giving it free publicity.
2014- Scotland for threatening to leave its partner and then staying, just so he would treat her better.
2015 - Russia for hacking into the IRS computers.
2016 - Donald Trump for Running for President.
2017 - Kellyanne Conway for using the Bowling Green Massacre for political gain.