Why?:Become Rich

Yes, I'm the man with the blue mustache and the big boner, unless you want to think of me as a girl, you gay arse.

Ah, just look at the beauty of the world, many people here living in the mountains and plains made by Mother Earth, while some live in giant houses, which are owned by rich people. Oh, the people who have money owns mostly everything they want. Pardon me sir, do you want to be rich? Well, let me introduce myself. My name is FancyPants, and I am here to give you reasons why you should Become Rich.

Why so?

Why?  This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?

Well, my question is why not? Of course, we have both pros and cons for being rich.

Pros

I say.

Shall I settle a list of good reasons to become rich? Good, here it is:

• If you're a lazy douchebag living inside mom's basement then being rich is the perfect thing for you, as you can ask your maids to do the job for you. Life is so easy when you are rich.
• If you are hungry, then an empty fridge and starvation is no longer a problem, since you will have a pantry that contains enough tons of food for you fatasses to eat for a year.
• If you are asking for money, then you no longer need to, unless that's the source of your daily assets.
• If you go to strip bars daily then you can just stay inside your mansion, since you can install a bar to throw parties with your friends.
• If you are Islam then you can have girlfriends to hug REALLY hard and date with.
• If you are a hard drinker then you, my good sir, can just simply buy the most expensive and most toughest alcohol ever made possible and you will simply pass out in ten seconds flat! Then you will wake up inside the hospital and see that you are mortally poisoned and are now stuck in ICU for a few years! How joyful is that?
• If you don't like homeless citizens then being rich means that you will be able to loudly exclaim to them that you are more superior because you are rich, and you may also be able to drive them to a raid attempt by other rich criminals that are rich, but not richer than you. If you want to start a world domination then being rich might be the perfect choice.
• If you are a moron then you will be lucky to live without dying of stupidity in life because your henchmen will help you.
• If you are Jewish then, um, enter every single VIP you ever find?
• If you are impatient then you can buy some time or just pay the people to sneak to the front lines.

Why not to

These reasons are cons, meaning that they are negative to your health. Here is the list:

• Being rich means having to pay lots of SPAGHETTI taxes for the government. Pesky human costs...
• Being rich means having to kill lots of rivals who wants to acquire your money. Pesky human desires...
• Being rich means having to work lots of hours to acquire your daily needs. Pesky human tradition...
• Being rich means having to hide lots of dead girlfriends after dying from sex before the cops show up. Pesky human justice...
• Being rich means having to eat lots of food to not waste any that will expire quick, until your gut ruptures and you shit yourself. Pesky human products...
• Being rich means having to bribe lots of police officers to avoid prison from your previous activities. Pesky human needs...
• Being rich means having to move lots of miles away from the city to avoid your enemies. Pesky human life...
• Being rich means having to give lots of your things to your sons and daughters if you die. Pesky human requests...

Conclusion

I therefore conclude that being rich has a possibility to become a pain in the arse. I am a celebrity wearing a monocle, and it is hard to live being rich. Trust me, you will die when you become rich than trying to be rich. I recommend you get locked to jail instead.