UnNews:User writes random UnNews article in order to promote obscure articles

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

✪

UnNews

✪

Sunday, December 22, 2024, 03:11:59 (UTC)

28 July 2008

Some people don't know this, but Sid Haig is a very famous Extreme Piano Player.

Some loser is shocked that he's never even heard of some of these articles.

John Candy wants people to see this recent photo of him.

UNCYCLOPEDIA, The Internet -- Users of the popular website Uncyclopedia were horrified and revolted when they discovered an UnNews article dominated by articles that they never even knew existed.

"This is absolutely terrifying," said former All That cast member Josh Server. "On the other hand, at least I can enjoy long-lost articles such as Ken Foree's Birthday and UnNews:Kevin Federline sentenced for crimes against music. instead of overhyped articles like that one about a certain teacher whom I won't name. And I'm not talking about Mr. Kearsy, either."

Two other obscure actors speaking out at the article are Robert Loggia and Richard Lynch, who call the move, "embarrassing. It's sick! It's conceited! Why the hell do we wanna read these crappy articles for anyway?"

Uncyclopedia founder Oscar Wilde issued the following statement Sunday:

“I deeply regret any harm caused by this senseless act of article whoring. We will find the perp and bring him to justice! If justice doesn't serve him well, then we just might find him again and bring him back to justice! We have removed a few random images that didn't fit the article, but we are working on making the article comprehensive, easy to read, and full of jokes about old people, Heath Ledger, Euroipods, Fisher Price, me, and all the other crap people like to read about on here.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Using an UnNews article to shamelessly plug random articles

By Monday, this article is expected to be funny and not just stupid.

The Following images are believed to have been used somewhere in the article:

Video game character Mario.
Character actor Richard Lynch.
This is either a picture of Darryl Wolski and Elizabeth Báthory, or Donald and Douglas the x2 Engines... but who's really sure?
A hotdog monster teaching people how to be Mexican.
Random picture of an old guy.
Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper's new review method.
Chuck E. Cheese's Communist brother Rob B. Red.
Homer Simpson.

It is also believed that these images were being considered for use in the article, but dropped out of fear of cluttering the page:

ahem...
The legendary Jon Lovitz
John Ratzenberger from Cheers takes over the role of Jigsaw.
TV's Vicki Lawrence.
Laurel from Laurel & Hardy.
Mario the pervert.
Fart!!!
Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Herman Lee was absolutely shocked when he logged on to Uncyclopedia on Saturday to see this bizarre article. "I was speechless, for better or worse. I thought the article was quite random. But on the other hand, it's good to see an article like Ken Foree's Birthday garner some much-needed attention."

Articles that were shamelessly plugged in this UnNews story include but are not limited to: Josh Server, Herman Lee, The Tempest, UnNews:Kevin Federline sentenced for crimes against music., UnNews:Ebert & Roeper to introduce new review method, Extreme Piano Playing, Water Polo... With Sharks!, Robert Shaw, Donald Pleasence, Good Burger, Wizwang of Ooze, and even Lard of the Rings. It has been concluded by Wilde that these articles otherwise would never have been discovered in a million years. "We need more article whoring, I guess."