UnNews:Court suspends Trump travel ban

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The news outlet with approval higher than Congress ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 12:34:59 (UTC)
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10 February 2017

The "Muslim Brotherhood," Elwood (left) and Jake, announced they would reboard a plane tomorrow and play America without missing a single gig.

SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Donald Trump's refugee ban was suspended Thursday while litigation continues.

Washington state and Minnesota had challenged Trump's Executive Order, which affected refugees and travelers from Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria and Yemen. The order was for 90 days, but said that Syrians were banned for good (known in the court biz as "perma-banned") and added that citizens of Chile should neither travel to the U.S. nor stay where they are. The lawyers won a home game last Friday at the Districts in Washington, but playoff rules then required them to win on the road.

Now, the Ninth Circus Court of Appeals here unanimously upheld the suspension. The three-judge panel said even reinstating the ban temporarily could cause harm. This includes missed flights, ticket surcharges, all-nighters in noisy airport lounges, and many needless cellphone calls, some of them throttled down to 3G speeds.

President Mayardit of South Sedan, which avoided the travel ban by one word, expresses relief.

The court said the Trump Administration had not offered "any evidence" of national security concerns to justify the Executive Order, nor shown that any person denied entry into the United States was a successful suicide bomber. The court said that the seven named countries had never authored a terrorist attack on the U.S., but only a series of small lone-wolf incidents, episodes of workplace violence, and massacres at gay nightclubs begun by shouting Allahu Ackbar, an obvious reference to Star Wars.

Trump immediately went to Twitter — whose 47 Electoral votes were his margin of victory last November — and Twittered: 

 SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!
   @TheRealDonaldTrumpDontDoubtMeJustDont

The unnamed member of the three-judge panel informally known as the "wise-ass" Twittered right back that of course they were already in court, and Trump was the one who was missing.

One of the judges was appointed by President Jimmy Carter and another by Barack Obama, currently competing for "Worst President Ever," though in fairness, Trump has had barely three weeks. The third was appointed by George W. Bush, and the reader can finish this sentence without help.

Presidents have claimed sweeping powers to fight terrorism, but those challenging Trump's ban said the administration had offered no evidence of a threat. However, the Ninth Circus gave everyone permission to return for a rematch in case another airplane slams into a skyscraper. At that time, they will be allowed to sue Trump for not having done more to stop it.

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