Top of the Flops

The Logo holds the record for being the first of its kind to make more than 500,000 people vomit.

Top of the Flops was a British talent show which aired on BBC Two from February 27, 1994 until December 31, 1999. Produced and broadcast in a similar fashion as its parent show, Top of the Pops, ToTF featured all the worst music of the time. It took great pride in this and from 1994-1996 it was BBC2's highest rated show, and it had a good run in 1997. However, ratings hit an all-time low in August 1999 when 4 people tuned in to the show.

It took a break from July 1996 until January 1997 after it fell to 2nd in BBCs most watched programme, being toppled by an accidentally broadcast edition of Blockbusters. This also happened in June 1998 and didn't come back until July 1999, nobody knows why.

The show is famous for scaring singers and writers into writing good songs, because if they were in the top 10 charts on this programme, they were fined a large sum of money. At its 1994 launch, they were very open about how much they were fining the top 10, and it ranged from £250,000 to £10,000,000. However in 1996 the Number 1 spot was now fined £12,000,000, then it became 'undisclosed'. It is believed to have been at least £20,000,000 by 1998.

Hosts

From 1994 to 1996, ToTF was presented by Roy Walker, who, was still doing Catchphrase at this time. His catchphrase on this show was "Well I tell people to say what you see over on that other channel, and what you'll see here is a load of trollop." However, due to a bust-up backstage, he was replaced by a younger Des Lynam, only 72 in January 1996. He also coined a catchphrase: "Why am I here Mr. Producer? Do you think I'm a flop too?" which was normally followed by some uneasy laughter from the production. Finally, after a mere 2 weeks, he released a story in The Sun that he was fed up of travelling 5 miles to the studio in South London. He eventually left and Jimmy Saville took over in March until it was axed in December 1999. He too had a catchphrase, "Oh, that was terrible, Jim'll fix that with a guitar over the noggin and a new fucking song."

There have been plans to revive the show in 2008 with a brand new host. In August, Carol Vorderman declared interest, but instead became top target for Hole In The Wall. Stephen Fry is also believed to be in the running, but has said he will not host unless the BBC change the show's name to QS, with siren sounds and forefeits to people who guess a song too obvious to be Top Flop.

Number Ones

1994

• February 1994: Madonna - Like a Banjo (fined £10,000,000)
• March 1994: Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule The Flops (fined £10,000,000)
• April 1994: Take That - Hi (fined £10,000,000)
• May 1994: MC Hammer - U Can't Dig This (fined £10,000,000)
• June 1994: Melissa Etheridge - Come to My Letterbox (fined £10,000,000)
• July 1994: Dr. Robotnik - Sonic to the Death (fined £10,000,000 and a rotten egg)
• August 1994: Nine Inch Nails - We're in Doom (Without any Nail-Clippers) (fined £10,000,000)
• September 1994: Madonna - Secret like a Prayer (fined £10,000,000)
• October 1994: Michael Jackson - This Isn't Really Me (fined £10,000,000)
• November 1994: Enigma - Return to Guilt (fined £10,000,000)
• December 1994: Ban AIDS - Do they know what AIDS is like? (fined £10,000,000)

1995

• January 1995: Iron Maiden F.A.T. - Bring Me Your Burger (fined £10,000,000)
• February 1995: Freddie Mercury - Zombie Mash (fined £10,000,000)
• March 1995: Run D.M.C. - Walk that Way (Don't Listen to Aerosmith) (fined £10,000,000)
• April 1995: Smashing Pumpkins - 1995 (fined £10,000,000)
• May 1995: David Dickinson - Chip Wrap (fined £10,000,000)
• June 1995: Madonna - Quicker than a Killer Bee (fined £10,000,000)
• July 1995: Richard Whiteley and Carol Vorderman - Countin' Down Y'all (fined £10,000,000)
• August 1995: Seal - Bite from a Dandelion (fined £10,000,000)
• September 1995: Melissa Etheridge - Come to My Letterbox (fined £10,000,000)
• October 1995: Bananarama - Slippery (At the Park) (fined £10,000,000)
• November 1995: Martin Page - In the House of Stoneds and Fags (Tempted) (fined £10,000,000)
• December 1995: Madonna - Like a Christmas Tree (fined £10,000,000)

1996

• January 1996: Tears for Fears - Whimper (Ten Years Since We Shouted) (fined £12,000,000)
• February 1996: Keath Sweat - Nobody (Sweats Like This) (fined £12,000,000)
• March 1996: Take That - I'm On A Rolla Gay (fined £12,000,000)
• April 1996: Jam Hammer - Croquette's Theme (fined £12,000,000)
• May 1996: Spice Ladies - One Wants to Be (fined £12,000,000)
• June 1996: Inner Circle - In A Circle (fined £12,000,000)
• July 1996: Simon Cowell - Simply the Worst (fined £12,000,000)

- Went on hiatus #1 -

1997

• January 1997: Ice-T - T Time (fined £12,000,000)
• February 1997: Madonna - Why Haven't I Stopped Singing? (fined £12,000,000)
• March 1997: Keith Sweat - Ripoff (fined £12,000,000)
• April 1997: Usher - You Make Me Wanna Puke (fined £12,000,000)
• May 1997: Meredith Brooks - Bitch-Goat (fined £12,000,000)
• June 1997: Mr. Showtime - Mack Attack (fined £12,000,000)
• July 1997: Hanson - Bop It (fined £12,000,000)
• August 1997: Michael Jackson - You Really Touch Me Child (fined £12,000,000)

- Fines now became 'undisclosed'

• September 1997: Queen - We're Still Here
• October 1997: The Queen - I Own Dis Joint
• November 1997: Bret Hart - Screw Me
• December 1997: Chumbawumba - Santathumping'

1998

• January 1998: Channel 4 - Oh Sweet Sixteen (Almost)
• February 1998: Megadeth - Symphony of Construction
• March 1998: Aerosmith - Aero's Myth
• April 1998: Blondie - Call Me (At the Old Folkes' Home)
• May 1998: Brian May and Yvette Fielding - Possessed by You
• April 1998: Michael Jackson - (You and Me) Neverland
• May 1998: Michael Jackson - I Want Your Babies
• June 1998: Kenny Loggins - Footlost

- Went on hiatus #2 -

1999

• July 1999: Jermaine Stewart - We Do Indeed Have to Take Our Clothes Off
• August 1999: Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't it Be A Flop (If I Released this Song?)
• September 1999: Noel Edmonds and Mr. Blobby - Blubber Love
• October 1999: Bill Gates - This Must Be Just Like Living in Windows 95
• November 1999: Madonna - Broke
• December 1999: Jimmy Saville - I Can't Fix This
• December 1999 Special: Roy Walker and Des Lynam - Good Riddance, But Something Wasn't Right

Records and Information

• BBC2 Most Watched Programme (1997)
• BBC2 Least Watched Programme (1998)

It is known for almost bankrupting Madonna, after she appeared on the show a huge number of times in its 5 year tenure. She never got over this huge loss in money, and resorted to buying and selling children in Africa in 2006.

On October 1, 2007, it was announced that the 1999 series actually awarded money to the winners, thus giving Bill Gates the sufficient amount of money to release useless versions of Windows Vista. Windows XP had already been completed for 8 years at the time, so therefore Microsoft didn't need the money. The only winner to not receive any money was Madonna, although Roy Walker only got his reward after correctly identifying 'You're Fired' in a round of Catchphrase.

If ToTF does return, it is set to be a very different show. With a totally different crowd out there, BBC announced that "Should we bring back Top of the Flops, we are currently planning to give it the most appeal to the typical Chav, being filmed in the East End of London, called, Toppa Da Flops Init"

The Queen also expressed happiness at the show's possible return after recently completing her second song, Crazy Queen in Da Palace.

In 2007, Television legend David Dickinson declared interest in the job if it does return in the new year, and offered to work on a wage which can only be described as "Cheap as Chips. However, BBC fobbed him off and made Dicky angry - going as far as to set an antique on BBC Television Centre. The Beeb's HQ withstood the attack, but only just. It was thought to be a major victory for ITV.