Template:Lead articles

Elon Musk prepares for world government

MARS -- Elon Musk, the richest man in the world and the acknowledged greatest human since Jesus, announced that he is ready to take supreme power on Earth.

The South African-born inventor and owner of Twitter (now "X") said from his base on Mars (now "Y") that he was ready to "step in" and take control. Full story»

SELF-HELP

I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong

MINNEAPOLIS -- Doctor P. Danforth Some, Ph.D., has written a paper on America's foremost medical journal, TikTok, warning people to stop engaging in "unhealthy" toilet habits.

"My number-one rule is never to urinate in the shower," says Dr. Some. Instead, pee somewhere it is "gone and forgotten" — a stream or lake or, if you are in a large city, the gutter or a public park. Full story»

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US polls are broken

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- ( listen) Polling across the United States, a week before the election, is yielding impossible results.

While all polls state that the election is within the margin of error, which is simply a lie that Americans must be told to get them to cast ballots, new polls suggest that, for the first time in Donald Trump's career, Trump's "favorables" exceed his "unfavorables". Full story»

W.W.J.D.

DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Recent scholarship using modern DNA analysis shows whom Jesus Christ would be backing in the U.S. federal elections on November 5. Full story»

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TECHNOLOGY

Lebanon upgrades comms gear

BEIRUT, Lebanon -- Warlord Nasrallah has mandated that Hezbollah replace all its cell phones with pagers purchased at a discount from a guy named Moshe. Sadly, this seems to have been short for Mossad.

The innovative devices exploded Tuesday, and over 3,000 holy warriors received embarrassing injuries to the face, if reading the pager at the time of the explosion, or more embarrassing injuries otherwise. Full story»

CUISINE

Ohio city goes to the dogs

SPRINGFIELD, Ohio -- Sleepy Springfield has been woken up with a jolt after former President Donald Trump called it the cat-and-dog-eating capital of the United States.

Basing his accusation on a spate of missing pets, Trump said immigrants from Haiti were catnapping and dog-taking all over the city for a hot dog recipe popular in their home country, second only to kitten cutlets. Full story»

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Starmer wins British general election

LONDON -- Labour Party leader Sir Keir Starmer easily won the British general election against Conservative Party leader Rishi Sunak. The latter's political kamikaze stunt cost him his job whilst his Tories were reduced to three men and a dog.

It was Labour's greatest victory since Tony Blair was Prime Minister. Full story»

Sunak soaked for General Election announcement

LONDON -- British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak fired a water pistol to signify the start of his General Election campaign.

Standing in the pouring rain and with the sound of someone playing Things Can Only Get Wetter (the Labour Party anthem from 1997), Sunak stuck out his chin and made a damp speech. Full story»

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Template documentation

This documentation is transcluded from Template:Lead articles/doc. (edit | history)
Editors can experiment in this template's sandbox (create) and test cases (create) pages.
Subpages of this template.

{{Lead articles}} is the template the UnNews Editor-in-Chief should edit. It controls the placement of graphic features of selected news stories on the Front Page, by having a variable number of calls to {{Lead article}} (singular), one for each graphic. Do not edit {{Lead article}} itself.

It's convenient to copy a working call to {{Lead article}} (from the word FEATURE to the following word FEATURE), paste it before the first feature, and adjust the fields to fit the new story being featured. If the first feature is both, do a side-by-side by making it right and making the new feature left. If there is already a side-by-side at the top, make the new one both. Also truncate the last feature(s) on the page to keep the number of features constant.

The individual graphics (individual calls to {{Lead article}}) have the following fields:

• arrange — Indicates the article's layout in its row of featured articles:
  • both (or lead) Spans the entire row and causes a horizontal line beneath.
  • left The article on the left side of a pair of side-by-side articles. Code this before the right one.
  • right The article on the right side of a pair of side-by-side articles. Code this after the left one, because it causes a horizontal line beneath.
• image — The image name (omit File:). Our policy is for every graphic to include an image (even if not funny without its caption), but if you leave this blank, the null image Spacer.gif is used
• dept — (optional) A legend centered above the headline. Lowercase letters become small capitals. Typical departments are:
  • BREAKING NEWS or URGENT for stories that either are relevant to big real-world news, or are not
  • EXCLUSIVE for "exclusive interviews," especially when they are exclusive because we're interviewing ourselves
  • PANIC in the SKIES — prized by all journalists, especially if it should have been the Happiest Day of the Year
  • NAVEL-GAZING for UnNews articles that revolve around UnNews
  • FEATURE for articles that are featured on the Uncyclopedia main page
  • ORIGINAL for stories with {{Original}} instead of real sources
  • EDITORIAL for stories tagged as UnNews Editorials
  • COLUMN for stories tagged as UnNews Columns
• title — The page name (omit UnNews:); that is, the headline
• short_title — (optional) If the page name is too long or doesn't look like a headline, provide the desired headline here.
• border — If you type the CSS name of a color here (or use the hexadecimal format #rgb or #rrggbb), a border of that color is drawn around the graphic. Specifying black is appropriate for obituaries.
• summary — The first sentence or two of the story. If you can write a funnier lead by pulling stuff from throughout the story, that would be funnier.

Important notes:

• If you put vertical space between the calls to {{Lead article}}, comment them out, or space is output that throws off the relation between articles.
• If not using border, dept, or short_title, set it to none. Don't remove the lines completely; that makes it harder for the next editor to see the correct form to follow.